Im in love with someone who has Aspergers

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agmoie
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05 Dec 2006, 1:16 pm

Ask him out,he may not pick up on the flirting and signals.
An evening meal in a quiet restaurant would be my preference.
Make sure you get a table thats not in the centre of the room.Good Luck!





caramel wrote:
Deus_ex_machina wrote:
In your experience, do you think maybe if I took the straightforward approach and asked him out that it would be better (more effective) than trying to flirt with him and talk to him, in hopes, that he asks me out? By the way Deus, thank you very much for your reply! I certainly appreciate it!



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05 Dec 2006, 1:30 pm

hey sis,

welcome to our humble hood. we got a skate park. yea yea. naa im kidding ok. nice to meet ya, ya seem pretty cool.

all i can say is take your time, i hate it when people rush in. oh try not to confuse him that really annoys people. have fun, enjoy each others company, oh and if you do go adulty. well enjoy dating and that. all i can say is treat him like a person not a condition we really hate that, does my fr***ing nut in.

look good luck enjoy yourself and once again welcome to the forum

brother devil :twisted:


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05 Dec 2006, 1:34 pm

I'd say what's already been said here.

take it slow.
take it easy.

test him to see where his spectrum analysie are. if he's socially aware and all of that jazz, then you're good.



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05 Dec 2006, 2:05 pm

Quote:
try this:
im an aspie male and did not until recently know how to court a woman........he may like you and not how to show it, but will respond well to slight signals like you holding his hand, or kissing him or in general making the moves...dont be offended if he doesnt, if he was anything like me he had no clue, so if the feelings there sand mutual, you may need to take the initiative in the start until he feels comfortable with this, aspies can be gentlemen as we havent been taught the nuances of dating. hope this helps.


How could I miss out that?
Yes, Aspies aren't very good at taking the "lead" in flirting and relationships. So he might like you but doesn't know how to show it.
I used to have that problem, but I got better at flirting and such. I always had the fear of being laughed at for doing something pathetic or anything. It might be that he feels this way... Therefore, don't take a lack of initiative from his side as a sign of uninterest.



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05 Dec 2006, 2:49 pm

Take it slow and don't ever lie to him.



caramel
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05 Dec 2006, 9:12 pm

Rosacoke wrote:
It is really wonderful that you are going about this so deliberately - I wish you all the best. I would say be kind, and patient, direct and honest. Invite him to join you in something you have reason to believe he will like, so he won't say no and have you end-up thinking it's because of you!
Did he tell you that he has Asperger's?


I really didn't want to approach this the wrong way and totally screw things up like I always do hahaha.... Thank you Rosacoke! I definitely am trying to be as kind, caring, and patient as possible and the honesty part is easy because I absolutely DESPISE liars .... My ex was one, and thats why i'm so glad to call him my ex :D

I saw him today and I couldn't help but want to go over to him but I figured I wait it out a day if I got another clue that he might be interested just to be very sure... I'm very cautious (not to mention terribly nervous) of breaking my heart especially if i've fallen head over heels for someone... but today he looked at me again, smiled, and looked down while he was walking...sighhh if only he knew how I really felt! The only reassurance that I have is that he will soon- thats a promise!

He didn't tell me himself he has Aspergers- actually I got into a discussion with a girl he's known for quite a long while and she told me so I decided to research a bit.... I trust her only because she has known him so long, I didn't at first believe her because I wanted to find out for myself but as we talked I noticed he did have more than a few parallels with some of the articles I had read and I certainly thought he might get offended if I asked him myself... I would be thrilled if he felt comfortable enough with me enough that he revealed it! I'm really accepting and to me it would just be one more thing to love about him- especially if he told me himself! :wink:



caramel
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05 Dec 2006, 9:22 pm

sigholdaccountlost wrote:
My boyfriend has asperger's but I do to :D o so...


Do you find that you two have more common ground and can better understand each other? I think its a beautiful thing to find someone to complete you in anyway possible. I'm very happy for you sigholdaccountlost! I wish you two the very best!!



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05 Dec 2006, 9:27 pm

Tequila wrote:
Just try it. A lot of people with AS simply won't understand otherwise. And it's the simplest way. When you've done it, come back and share the (hopefully) good news. Many AS people here (me included) wish there were more women as accepting and accomodating as your fine self.

Now, stop worrying and go and ask him. If he likes you, he should say yes if he has anything about him. :)


I think with what everyone of you incredible posters helping me out, I definitely have to ask! Although i'm nervous as all hell and very anxious, I think i'd rather try than to always wonder what could have been....I would love to (and certainly will) come back to reveal the good news (lol ahem ahem, hopefully!! !!) Awww you're too too too kind! I think theres a wonderful, intelligent, and deeply loving woman (or man) out there for all of you.... I wasn't expecting to meet someone like him the way I did, never in a million years, I think love comes to you when you least expect it and beats the crap out of you in the happiest, most blissful of ways...lol

I definitely will tomorrow... I'm praying all goes well and if it doesn't i'll pray that he does find the lady for him that makes him feel the way he has made me....gosh i'm a sap! lol



caramel
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05 Dec 2006, 9:37 pm

donkey wrote:
try this:
im an aspie male and did not until recently know how to court a woman........he may like you and not how to show it, but will respond well to slight signals like you holding his hand, or kissing him or in general making the moves...dont be offended if he doesnt, if he was anything like me he had no clue, so if the feelings there sand mutual, you may need to take the initiative in the start until he feels comfortable with this, aspies can be gentlemen as we havent been taught the nuances of dating. hope this helps.


I hope this is the case....that he does like me and doesn't know how to show it... I wish you all could've seen that bright smile he had when I hugged him.... My heart has never felt that warm before...I probably was smiling like an idiot! lol I'm thinking that maybe he might've interpreted the hug as a "friend" hug instead of a "i want to be your girlfriend" hug.... Oh you're so right! He's a complete gentleman! I introduced myself to him (After working with him for a little while one day at work) and he shook my hand very proper, kind, and once again warm...Ohhh thank you so much, Donkey! Everything you posted helped me so much- i'm definitely sure now that I want to intiate the relationship.... Definitely... thank you all so very very much!



caramel
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05 Dec 2006, 9:47 pm

agmoie wrote:
Ask him out,he may not pick up on the flirting and signals.
An evening meal in a quiet restaurant would be my preference.
Make sure you get a table thats not in the centre of the room.Good Luck!

I think you're entirely right.... As I told another poster, the hug I gave him could've have been received by him in another way than intended.... Ohh he's just like you... He's quiet and to himself I think that if he were to say yes thats exactly what he would
appreciate too! I'm not that into too much noise, big crowds, and large atmospheres... I tend to think that its easy to get lost in and hard to make a connection with anybody under those constraints...

I will certainly keep that in mind if he does want me! I would want to make sure we go to a place that we'll both feel comfortable1
Great idea, thank you for the well wishes and your wonderful suggestions! Thank you, agmoie!





caramel wrote:
Deus_ex_machina wrote:
In your experience, do you think maybe if I took the straightforward approach and asked him out that it would be better (more effective) than trying to flirt with him and talk to him, in hopes, that he asks me out? By the way Deus, thank you very much for your reply! I certainly appreciate it!



caramel
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05 Dec 2006, 10:18 pm

Revenant wrote:
Quote:
How could I miss out that?
Yes, Aspies aren't very good at taking the "lead" in flirting and relationships. So he might like you but doesn't know how to show it.
I used to have that problem, but I got better at flirting and such. I always had the fear of being laughed at for doing something pathetic or anything. It might be that he feels this way... Therefore, don't take a lack of initiative from his side as a sign of uninterest.


I'm glad I know this now- I really wasn't sure if he was interested at first- mixed signals were all I got but now I really do understand....You know whats interesting to me is thats the exactly same reason why I don't approach men and why i'm so nervous about approaching him.... For fear that he might laugh at me, or tell my co-workers or think that i'm some pathethic loser.... I think it would hurt me so bad if he did that that i'd probably cry right there...

The last sentence you said- I wish I had known sooner.... I did mistake lack of intiative as a sign of disinterest before I really started considering things deeply... I now regret how I felt earlier before I understood anything.... I'm so used to dealing with the type of men who play games with you, use you, take you for all you're worth and break your heart that before I did my research, I assumed that he was playng with my head... i know better know..



caramel
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05 Dec 2006, 10:27 pm

Gamester wrote:
I'd say what's already been said here.

take it slow.
take it easy.

test him to see where his spectrum analysie are. if he's socially aware and all of that jazz, then you're good.


Hmm I really do think after I discuss things over with him and get his answer, then if he says yes i'll slow it down and take it easy.... i don't want to overwhelm him in the very beginning because i know in terms of myself that can take away from the first feelings of a promising relationship and how wonderful it really is....

I think hes actually extremely well socialized! He has a few co-workers that he talks to pretty regularly and he engages in conversation a good portion of the time without being spoken to first... Ohhh I certainly hope everything is good come tomorrow!
Wish me luck!



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05 Dec 2006, 10:43 pm

devilmaster2001 wrote:
hey sis,

welcome to our humble hood. we got a skate park. yea yea. naa im kidding ok. nice to meet ya, ya seem pretty cool.

all i can say is take your time, i hate it when people rush in. oh try not to confuse him that really annoys people. have fun, enjoy each others company, oh and if you do go adulty. well enjoy dating and that. all i can say is treat him like a person not a condition we really hate that, does my fr***ing nut in.

look good luck enjoy yourself and once again welcome to the forum

brother devil :twisted:


heyyyy bro! lol
lol aren't you warm and welcoming! :wink: Well it is certainly appreciated!! Nice to meet you too (awww i'm so happy I found this site!) I feel like i'm home! :D Oh geezzz the last time I got on a skateboard not only did I fall and bust my behind, but I ended up wrecking some ladies car...hahahahaha and i'd do it again! :lol: you're cool too- all of you are awesome! I will definitely take my time... its been a bit under a month since our first long conversation so i'm really trying to pace myself... I think (or at least I hope) i've built up enough rapport that he would want to at least hang out with me...

I think I accidentally confuse him because I have a BIG problem blabbing on about the dumbest things when i'm nervous and thats with everyone especially if I like the person... I'm afraid I might've done that already and meanwhile accidentally cut him off in the process.... I think I owe him a bit of an explanation of myself... shoot I confuse my family who have known me for years i'm sure i might've confused him... :(

Ohh and that last part you typed? I would NEVER EVER EVER treat somebody different in that respect... The way I see it as though were equals.... Well actually, if I could be honest, I think he's cooler than me .... and I know when people act like they don't know what i'm talking about or like i'm crazy (which I can be at times) it makes me feel twice as bad... Especially through research I respect all people with Aspergers and i'm proud to see how much strength, kindness, pure heart, and warmth you all share amidst the ignorance that other people display...

thank you again for being so welcoming! For all that have posted in my thread if any of you need any help of any kind, even kind and warm words, or if you're having a bad day... my door is certainly open for you as you all have opened yours for me... thank you so very much!



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06 Dec 2006, 1:17 am

caramel wrote:
devilmaster2001 wrote:
hey sis,

welcome to our humble hood. we got a skate park. yea yea. naa im kidding ok. nice to meet ya, ya seem pretty cool.

all i can say is take your time, i hate it when people rush in. oh try not to confuse him that really annoys people. have fun, enjoy each others company, oh and if you do go adulty. well enjoy dating and that. all i can say is treat him like a person not a condition we really hate that, does my fr***ing nut in.

look good luck enjoy yourself and once again welcome to the forum

brother devil :twisted:


heyyyy bro! lol
lol aren't you warm and welcoming! :wink: Well it is certainly appreciated!! Nice to meet you too (awww i'm so happy I found this site!) I feel like i'm home! :D Oh geezzz the last time I got on a skateboard not only did I fall and bust my behind, but I ended up wrecking some ladies car...hahahahaha and i'd do it again! :lol: you're cool too- all of you are awesome! I will definitely take my time... its been a bit under a month since our first long conversation so i'm really trying to pace myself... I think (or at least I hope) i've built up enough rapport that he would want to at least hang out with me...

I think I accidentally confuse him because I have a BIG problem blabbing on about the dumbest things when i'm nervous and thats with everyone especially if I like the person... I'm afraid I might've done that already and meanwhile accidentally cut him off in the process.... I think I owe him a bit of an explanation of myself... shoot I confuse my family who have known me for years i'm sure i might've confused him... :(

Ohh and that last part you typed? I would NEVER EVER EVER treat somebody different in that respect... The way I see it as though were equals.... Well actually, if I could be honest, I think he's cooler than me .... and I know when people act like they don't know what i'm talking about or like i'm crazy (which I can be at times) it makes me feel twice as bad... Especially through research I respect all people with Aspergers and i'm proud to see how much strength, kindness, pure heart, and warmth you all share amidst the ignorance that other people display...

thank you again for being so welcoming! For all that have posted in my thread if any of you need any help of any kind, even kind and warm words, or if you're having a bad day... my door is certainly open for you as you all have opened yours for me... thank you so very much!


I hear alot of Aspies tend to do that alot, even when they don't (I know a bunch of people at school who constantly talked about their own interests and that's pretty much all they talked about) so he's probably used to it, in any case he wouldn't be confused.

You should see this site at it's ugliest (Or maybe not) I myself left this site for a few months because of them, well, either that or it was becoming stagnant, I can't quite remember. :?


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06 Dec 2006, 4:10 am

Heh.

we all here hope it works for yah.



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06 Dec 2006, 1:10 pm

caramel wrote:
sigholdaccountlost wrote:
My boyfriend has asperger's but I do to :D o so...


Do you find that you two have more common ground and can better understand each other? I think its a beautiful thing to find someone to complete you in anyway possible. I'm very happy for you sigholdaccountlost! I wish you two the very best!!


Yep. Thanks. Please call me sighold, everybody else does. :D


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