giving up.

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Actually, this is a very good point and I agree with this. I am very highly functioning in most areas, but when it comes to emotions and relationship type things I just fall down. I know lots of aspies who can live in shared accommodation, but I can't even live with my parents any more for extended periods of time - I have to be isolated and live by myself. Emotionally I'm generally a train wreck because I either don't understand my own emotions, or can't reciprocate properly, or I just don't feel enough empathy. I want to be left alone and do things by myself the vast majority of the time, and I can't stand clingyness to any degree.

I've come to terms with who I am and accepted that some things just aren't meant to be.

Are you in the Army??? I think I see ACUPAT.

You won't give up because you can't give up. The thought of giving up may give you comfort for the next few days or weeks becuase it may seem an easy way out, but eventually you'll want to try again.

There is no giving up on finding a relationship. It isn't human.

Anyhow, you might be after the wrong type of women. Join a nerdy club or a meetup group: comics, video games, science, SciFi, environmentalism, animal rights.... Don't go there with an obvious desire to meet a girl. Nothing says a turn-off like a desperation to find a relationship. Just have fun and make new friends. You are far far more likely to hit it off with someone you meet there after they get to know you a little.

Avoid: all females in the Army, provocative clothes, jewelry, too much make-up, mini skirts, night clubs, dancers.... Really anyone super-extroverted super-conformist. The lone woman in the corner, reading a book or working on her laptop? Go talk to her.

I agree. I am told to be handsome, but I am almost 45 years old and have autism. These things lower the chance of getting a relationship or ever marrying.

You really have no reason to give up. At least you are attractive. Other men are a lot worse off than you.

I, on the other hand, am quite obese and my health is not good at all.

Hell, I can't even drive a car (because of car sickness, sensory overload and other chronic kidney problems) like most normal and strong people can. I'm also too depressed and too persecuted and am too poor to afford a date with a woman.

As am I, and for mostly the same reasons. It's frustrating when you can't even understand yourself, nevermind somebody else. I don't completely lack empathy though -- I'd say it's more impaired. I'm often left speechless when a person confronts me with emotions because I have absolutely no idea how to relate to them at that moment. It's not until I replay through the situation in my head multiple times before I understand how the person feels and how I should have reacted. What should be felt and understood in real-time, takes me a considerably longer ammount of time to realize.

Last edited by soldner on 27 May 2011, 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes sirrrrrr. 7 years and still going

It's funny, those are the only type of girls I've ever went for... so maybe you're onto something.

I know what you mean, I have never been kissed, never dated, never had boyfriend. So its hard for someone like me that has Aspergers to go out and meet people.

+1000

Sunshower has a great point about compatibility. In my opinion, chemistry can pique one's interest, but to have a healthy relationship you do need to have some compatibility.

Let's not forget that good relationships take effort too, to SOME degree. I don't mean they should be a struggle to maintain. Quite the opposite. However, I've found that I can't put a relationship on auto-pilot for weeks/months/years and expect the relationship to remain strong/solid.

Agreed. I've completely given up on relationships, dating, sex, etc. It's a luxury not for me - women can tell from miles away there's something 'off' about me, I'm useless at initiating socializing, etc with strangers, few women would want a man as inexperienced as me, etc. Trying and not trying will lead to the same outcome (getting nowhere) but at least not trying is less frustrating. Given how soul-destroying my limited experience has been, I don't really regret it that much - the idealistic part of me regrets it, the realistic part thinks 'spare me the drama, the conflict, the rejection, the breakups.' It would've been nice to start a family some day, that's maybe my only real regret here.

I've pretty much given up too,
I've met and had casual talk with females who I'm sure were interested
but yet I would stumble badly
even had the fortune to somehow reinitiate contact later on but still can't turn the key
rather disheartening and convinces me that there is no such thing as luck

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems as though you are imposing that compatibility and chemistry are two different things. Compatibility is just one single ingredient in the massive mix of what needs to occur in order for there to be a connection ammongst two individuals (communication, sexual attraction, body language, compatibility etc). Chemistry is the result of all the smaller variables coming together, giving people those butterflies in their tummies. If even one of the ingredients is missing, chemistry will not occur. This is where I fall, due to my inability to communicate both verbally and emotionally.

this is such a sad thread.

i've been beaten up in the PUA thread, but i've posted my thoughts on the last few pages there; i'd encourage you to read them.

bottom line: you guys CAN learn. the professional autism community is letting everyone down because they don't have the ability to train social skills properly. but the pick up community -- particularly venusian arts and Mehow both CAN. i know because they taught me. i suspect all those guys are undiagnosed aspies.

there is a REAL connection between aspergers and "the game". what disgusts me about the professional autism community is that it encourages giving up and a victim mentality. don't give up! this is a skillset you can learn. yes, we have an emotional disability. but it can be absolutely overcome; we just have to work harder than everyone else.

go do something for yourself and try out that material. it totally changed every aspect of my life and i'm a 100% diagnosed aspie.

I perfer nice rejection over bad rejection.

I had a nice one just a few moments ago and I don't think I've ever experienced that before...it was pretty nice.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. Homer Simpson

His right you know can you think of a Simpson character that is happier than Homer, Ralph Wiggum perhaps and his even a lower being than Homer.

I gave up a long time ago and quite simply do not care I can assure you it's not bad way to be , you want to give it a go some time

Also I can (non fraudulently) wear my George Costanza shirt the I've got nothing ! one , as George Costanza once said who wants to be surrounded by annoying over educated overachievers anyway . His right you know .