Tired of Being single

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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jun 2011, 8:33 am

Miyah wrote:

I am almost 30 years old and I have had never had a chance to have a boyfriend and go out on a date with him. I often meet a person of the opposite sex and I think that things are going to work out enough for him to ask me out but it never happens. Instead, they end up meeting my other friends and then I just plain get ignored.

What is the hardest is that every other friend of mine has been in a relationship with someone and I haven't. Even my most current friends have an easier time get a relationship and I don't.

Has anyone else experienced this?

In that case, cut the "I am a girl, I should wait for the guys to initiate and ask me out" BS and start doing the initiation yourself by asking the guys out.

Magnus_Rex
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24 Jun 2011, 8:47 am

Grisha wrote:

I imagine that you're giving off signals that others interpret incorrectly - unapproachable, not interested, "stuck-up" even. It's a very common problem with Aspies - I wish I could tell you how to overcome it, but I've never been able to do it myself...

EUREKA!! !!

How can I be so dumb? Some friends and my parents keep telling me that the main reason I don't make friends is my unapproachable, stuck-up vibe. No one ever told me that it could be the reason I'm single.

Of course, that's probably not the only reason, but thanks for the "Eureka" moment.

Fnord
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24 Jun 2011, 8:56 am

Miyah wrote:

I am outgoing, fun, and very attractive...

Do you have anything else going for you? Like maybe a talent, a skill, or a career that might be interesting?

Miyah wrote:

... however and guys do look at me but seem to treat me as if I am a decorative porcelain doll where I am just meant to be looked at and then played with but not anything else.

If your only characteristics are "outgoing, fun, and very attractive", then you will be treated as a decoration or "arm candy".

Miyah wrote:

I am not interested in jumping into something where I am going to be abused, I have a sister in one of those and know a few others in an abusive relationship because they don't think that anyone else will want them.

Maybe it's your own fear that is holding you back. This may come across as desperation, which is a turn-off for all but the most exploitative of men.

Miyah wrote:

I appear to be one of those types of women who goes to your average singles group and never dates.

How do you come across? Chatty, giggly, and cute? Or attentive, cheerful, and intriguing? The former is "girlish", the latter is "womanly".

At the age of 30, many men are looking for a serious relationship with a mature woman (if they're looking for a relationship at all), and are rarely interested in spending their time (or money) on immature girls (unless it's only for sex).

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tmd63
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25 Jun 2011, 4:50 pm

I know that it is difficult to go up to someone and initiate the conversation. But I do agree that you need to speak up if you like someone.
I have been single for the past 6 years now and I don't go out anywhere to meet other women (I have trouble with large crowds of people anyway) and as a guy of 47 years, I don't think I will find someone now.
I have been on dating sites like 'plenty of fish', but I have had no-one contact me.

tmd63
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25 Jun 2011, 4:53 pm

LadybugQ wrote:

I dumped my last boyfriend two plus years ago and have yet to snag another one! Yeah, I'm tired of being single too! In my case, however, I think it's the fact that I'm currently living in a group home that hurts my eligibility...

I'm also thinking that I shouldn't be as upfront about my AS as I was recently might improve my odds of getting a guy.

Ladybug, I would want you to be upfront about your AS, as I am AS too. I find someone who is open and honest a far better person to get on with.

Adam82
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25 Jun 2011, 6:19 pm

Miyah wrote:

I'm nearly 29, but male, and I've never had a girlfriend, so I know how you feel. I always end up the 'you're nice, but let's just be friends' guy.

Dantac
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25 Jun 2011, 6:44 pm

If 1 year from now you're still single I'll marry you Miyah.

How's that for an awesome deal ?

ValentineWiggin
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26 Jun 2011, 8:11 pm

Fnord wrote:

Miyah wrote:

I am outgoing, fun, and very attractive...

Do you have anything else going for you? Like maybe a talent, a skill, or a career that might be interesting?

That's super-depressing, if those additional things are needed to find an SO- I'd kill to just have what Miyah has.

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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."

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