Any one have weird views on relationships?

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Its hard to even know what to say about my views on love but,
I wish people could be just good friends. Really Really good friends. I think sex, and marriage, just complicates issues. I don't know of any girl that would wish to be really good celebrate friends. Do any of you know of girls like that. I don't talk to alot of girls so I don't know if it exists.

Well, I don't know if my views are "weird", but I would like to see how typical my preferences are among people on here.

At this point, I am interested in girls that are very much the opposite of me. Not polar opposites with absolutely nothing alike, but opposite in thinking style and strengths. In other words, I would like someone who is quite people-oriented and understands the subtleties of the emotional/social side of life well, and is less proficient in technical and mathematical/scientific fields. At one point I thought that it would be fun to have a girl who shared my interests in scientific fields (or obsessions if you wish to call them that, though I don't like to use that word as it makes them sound useless and ridiculous), though at this point it's as if the less we have in common intellectually the more interesting I think she is.

This gets me disliked in certain circles, because they think that the fact that I am not attracted to girls interested in math and science means I advocate discrimination against women in those fields (I guess I say things literally and others read between the lines, as always). I guess the problem is compounded when I mention that I naturally think of mathematical/scientific oriented-ness as "masculine" and people-oriented-ness as "feminine"--even though those are my personal "gut" interpretations and don't mean that the women in science are unqualified. In particular the whole Larry Summers debate has gotten me into some quite heated discussions with friends.

I also at this point am not really purposely looking for long-term, committed relationships, but more for casual involvement with the opposite sex (it's not as if I'm getting anywhere though--aside from social awkwardness, taking only science classes I don't seem to meet many of my type). I guess at this stage, the excitement of attraction is the most important element, and that may be one reason for my "opposites attract" opinion. If I were looking more for a less passionate "partnership" kind of relationship, maybe I would value shared interests more. I was wondering if I sound like many others here.

I'm very open minded. I believe it's each to their own. For some people relationships work. For some they don't. For some, having friends for sex works, for others no sex at all is preferable. So long as you are not hurting anybody, it doesn't matter how 'weird' something appears, so long as everyone is happy.

I'm generally in the "whatever works best for you and isn't harming someone else" camp when it comes to other peoples' relationships (and most other approaches to life, really )

I personally feel drawn to the idea of polyamory (the idea of having more than one close partner simultaneously). Lots of people look at it and go "Oh, you just want to sleep around on your girlfriend and not have to pay the consequences," but polyamory actually tends to take significantly more time and effort than maintaining a single relationship. It's not about finding someone else to sleep with, it's about not being limited to sharing your life in a very deep and meaningful way with more than one person. It means not making one person responsible for meeting all of your needs, and not being responsible for meeting all of the needs of your partner (which is pressure that I can certainly do without! ). It's not for everybody, but it seems to make sense for me.

My biggest problem always seems to be that i don't really get the in love feeling.
Like with most my gf's theyr like crazy in love but i don't really know the feeling.
I see it mainly as a really good friend that you care about and have sex with.
Preferably i see them about 3-4 times a week.
And when i don't i just don't have this "oh i missed you so much" feeling they always seem to have.
I'd go nuts if they would come to me every free moment of the day all day long.
One ex did that and it drove me crazy since i needed the space of my own.

So what i really need is a part time relationship with enough time for myself.
Most people proberbly see this as something bad but i would be lying if i said otherwise.

I don't see it as something bad at all. I would be bothered too if a girl wanted to be with me every minute of my free time. It's nice if one likes me, and spending time together can be fun, but my life consists of more than just girls! I hope we can all find someone who will understand that.

As a sort of side note, that's one of the reasons I like girls who have a lot of good girl friends--it makes them less reliant on us guys for attention (the other reason is that it shows they are socially quite involved). I never see myself as one of those guys who begs his girlfriend to not spend more time with me and less with her friends.

Also, I wouldn't get worried if you don't feel the same way emotionally toward girls as they do toward you. I think we (both as guys and people on the autism spectrum) have a bit different brain wiring when it comes to interaction with the opposite sex, and so while we're still attracted we may not feel the same as anyone else would. Even NTs have different "love styles". As for feeling like your girlfriends are "friends you have sex with", I think that's a big part of why I tend to find girls with fewer common interests more interesting. I like to feel the excitement and passion of attraction toward a new person, not just have a friendship that turns sexual. That doesn't mean I will feel as emotionally attached as the average NT though, especially the average girl (since I do believe that girls are typically more emotionally involved than guys).

Bart, I think I kind of know what you're talking about--or something similar. I get the in love feeling for a few months at the start of a relationship (though that could probably also be considered a crush or obsession in extremely strong cases) but it always seems like something changes in our interactions and it fades to more of what you described: good friends who have sex. Which seems like it would work out fine; friends are great and sex is great. But the other person often seems to have an emotional attachment to my feeling the same way about them that they do about me. That leads me to feel like I'm not putting enough effort into the relationship so I try harder. But then I get frustrated because I'm trying to act like I have feelings that I don't have (at least, I assume that if I did have those feelings the actions would follow much more naturally). Plus I'm trying to go out of my way to be in "in love" mode even though the other person generally acts the same way they had been before (in the "friends who have sex" mode). Which makes sense, because to them it's their "loving Relationship" mode, so they don't see why they would need to change anything.

So there are kind of two things going on--one, a basic difference in how we think a "loving relationship" looks (I'm not sure that I know what one looks like, but I know when it feels like I am not experiencing one). And me feeling like I'm being expected to be someone I'm not in order to fit their definition of a loving Relationship.

i think its pointless to get into a relationship or to go looking for one (or just sex, for that matter) just for the sake of it, the way i see it is the only way theres any actual point is if its actually someone you like. does that count?

I believe love is a privelige we have to earn in order to make a relationship work in the correct way.

I am interested in brunette Aspie girls who are tall {not too tall }, are in Portland, Oregon, and whose beliefs & interests match mine. I like to write, read, go out for nice walks on sunny afternoons, persevere, etc.

I also believe that most important part of "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" is "friend."
I do not need a girlfriend for sex & in the "I'm a lonely guy looking for love" category.

Most guys aren't interested in being good friends with me.

They pretend to be my friend, but fail to get in my pants and ditch me. Once that happened with someone I was nuts about and it broke my heart.

Otherwise I get the whole "I want a relationship with you or nothing" Hence me liking gays.

Turbulent do you mean you would never want to have sex? I've never heard of a guy like that. Didn't know it was possible.

I'm lesbian but can't stand any of the lesbians I've dated. Seems all the good ones are taken and only the psycho druggies are left. I've meet a few guys along the way that I really relate to & would liked to have been friends with. But the problem is its apparently impossible to be just friends. They expect sex. Reminds me of my friend who's boyfriend thinks when a woman in town, say a cashier, smiles at him that she wants to bed him.

I had this really shy, older guy leave me a love note on my dryer at the laundrymat. I've never had anyone leave me a love note so it was rather flattering that anyone found me attractive. I kinda felt sorry for him because he was obviously very lonely and I wouldn't have minded hanging out at the movies or meeting for Chinese food. BUT I didn't want him obsessing over me and possibly physically hurting me. I learned the hard way not to be nice to guys. I spoke to a stranger in town once who ended up stalking me for years and he was a married man with kids.

Am I making sense here or just babbling? What I'm trying to say is I think it would be way cool if males and females could be close friends without one of them expecting a relationship or sex.

yes ticker, you're making sense.

my views?

I'm pretty liberal for being a Republican....that was a joke...sorta.

But I wouldn't mind if any one of my female friends came up to and wanted to have sex with me, I probably have at least two who I know who would....ironically.

I used to be a stiff on the subject, now I've found that college is opened my mind, to a lot of stuff.

I am 34 years old woman. I have been many many years looking for a man who would be interested in deep spiritual love without sex and legal marriage. I have not found anybody. Everybody are telling me such a man does not exist.

I don't know if this would be considered "weird" per se, but I feel that I am compatible with someone who is basically an opposite-sex version of me.

Tim

I think this is good idea: Opposite sex version of me would be most suitable for me