Can you lose Aspie characteristics in a relationship?

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I did not feel like I was an Aspie when I was with my ex years ago. I felt like wires in my brain had gotten crossed & I was more like an NT than I ever was in my life. A lot of my Aspie problems & issues were a lot better when I was with her. I was extremely sensitive to her emotions & I became more sensitive to others emotions as well; I was never sensitive to others emotions before. I became very affectionate & I was never affectionate at all before. I liked having my schedule & routine interrupted so I could spend hours talking on the phone with her; I normally hate being interrupted & I hate talking on the phone. I also hated having time to myself & I loved being by myself before. I began taking a much more active approach with my life because I wanted to be a better person for her. I was going to lots of stores to summit job applications & I did not have anxiety about it. I was very friendly, polite & others were telling me that I was very pleasant. I was also more playful & fun not just with her but with others as well. I normally have very bad OCD issues about lots of things & am quite picky but I worried about most of those things a lot less & I was much less picky about lots of things during the relationship. Some of the post in this section by NT women talking about their Aspie men give the impression that Aspie guys are set in their ways & have lots of problems adapting to changes. I was not like that with Emily but I always had problems handling changes before & after her. I reverted back to a lot of my old Aspie ways when the relationship ended. I am not exactly happy with my Aspe characteristics & I am trying to work on em but I'm finding it extremely difficult to change on my own for myself. I know I have lots of issues, problems, flaws ect but I really believe a lot of these things would be a lot better if I was in a relationship. I am NOT wanting or expecting someone to take care of me or fix me. I believe I can fix a lot myself & be a lot more independent if I had the support & motivation of a relationship to help me; it was like that with Emily. I became a much better person because of her. It's like I fed off her good characteristics & applied them to myself. I'm guessing this isn't a common thing at all with Aspies but I'm wondering if others have any thoughts about this. I can overcome a lot of these Aspie characteristics if I was in a relationship but these characteristics prevent me from having one; it's a catch22

Oxytocin.

Yeah I had the same thing happen to me in my few brief relationships. It's really weird. Like I became a different person almost. I haven't noticed this in any of my NT friends unless they were purposefully changing to try to please the other person. It's the only thing that gives me hope of ever having a long term relationship, because in my present state I don't think I could ever stand to live with someone for more than a couple days at a time.

Yep, touch sensitivities (negative ones) suddenly disappear and I become some kind of affectionate puppy and can't keep my hands off my boyfriend, he's freaking ADDICTIVE. I never even realised I had an affectionate side before I met him! Also I'm way better at being empathetic and reacting to emotions (still not perfect but I am better at consoling and all that). I become a lot more NT around him.
Also, eye contact is very easy.
And I agree with Magnus_Rex, Oxytocin would probably play a big part in this.

I'm both better and worse.
I find it is easier to talk to her and to connect with her emotions than it is with anyone else. My friend has also pointed out that I seem a lot calmer around people in general since we got together. I'm more used to being around people now, as she keeps taking me places. I enjoy social situations a lot more than I used to. She has also applied some routines that I really needed, but wasn't able to do by myself, like regular eating and sleeping patterns. It has made my mood a lot more even.

But I have more meltdowns with her than I've ever had. Before, I would avoid the things that made me feel like that, now there's a lot of compromises to be made and a whole lot of feelings I've never felt before. I think it's good for me to go there though. I've learned a lot about myself and what I can or can't do.

My sensitivity issues and stimming is worse with her too. Mostly because I know she won't mind and that I won't have to explain myself.

Overall I do have a feeling that I'm finally going somewhere. I learn new stuff everyday (and not just weird facts about whatever I'm reading about at the moment). It feels pretty great.

Hope I am not wrong for throwing my 2 cents in since i am a NT female in a relationship with an AS male. I noticed he has changed into a completely different person since we have been together. We have been friends for a longtime before getting together. He has no problem opening up his feelings to me and in a way its bad cause it seems it also opens him up to feeling hurt if something isnt what he sees it should be. I have been told by his work buddies that he is easier to get along with now that were together also.

I worry cause it seems his whole world revolves around me, which any girl would want, but with an aspie I worry that may be a bad thing to be his project of attention. I sometimes think he is obsessed with being in love with me... does that sound wierd? I know he loves me but sometimes i feel more like he obsesses over me and it gets a little annoying at times, but wiht your help on here I am learning to cope and work with his gift he has been given.

When you're around someone a lot, you start to become like them. It's all to do with interchanges/leeching of energy between the two parties.

I heard of Oxytocin but I don't know much about it. I'm not really interested in tasking drugs because I spent 5 years on psych mes that only made my problems worse. It seems unlikely that illegal drugs can help me when medication that is comely used for my problems make things worse. I do NOT believe my problems are caused by a chemical imbalance but rather the way my brain is wired & environmental factors related to that & other things so it seems extremely risky to take drugs when my brain chemistry is fine

Oxytocin isn't a drug or medication, it's a naturally occurring hormone/chemical. It's the affection hormone, the exact same one that forms the bond between mother and child and also helps to make relationships last longer. During your relationship you're oxytocin levels must have sky rocketed and made you all affectionate.

Same here! It spills over to the rest of my family too; I'm no longer defensive around people who I know I can trust.

Oxytocin! Where can I gets some.

After reading the following article, I suspect that if this chemicle can help aspies, then they would have it inbuilt or they would have high levels of it at some times.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/11/scien ... rmone.html

You can get it at drugstores. Unfortunately, I would need a prescription to buy some here in Brazil: a daunting task, since it's prescribed mainly to pregnant women.

Maybe if I wore a wig and some makeup... It always worked with Bugs Bunny.

Last edited by Magnus_Rex on 03 Jul 2011, 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You can get it at drugstores. Unfortunately, I would need a prescription to buy some here in Brazil: a daunting task, since it's prescribed mainly to pregnant women.

Maybe if I wore a wig and some makeup... It always worked with Bugs Bunny. [/quote]
You can probably order it from some overseas drug-stores online without a prescription

What, you CAN actually buy it????? I thought the science boffs were just pondering the idea.

I think thats a different drug. Oxycodone I believe