Does anyone ever feel that they're not good enough?

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Some times when I think about our relationship, I fear that my partner deserves someone better than me. Someone who's not as needy and doesn't have all of my obesssions, mood swings (which I've totally hidden so far) and well.... quirks.

Without wanting to sound overly dramatic, she's the the first person in my memory to have made me happy. By that I mean, she's not a hobby or new computer, but an actual person that makes me feel good - possibly love. Yet I still get deeply sad when I think about all the usual things that other people do that I find overwhelming.

I assume that others have felt the same way at some point in their lives, and what I was wondering is this - how did you cope? Did you ever discuss your worries with your partner?

I occasionally feel like this and I do voice my concerns to my partner, at which point he tells me I am being silly and not to worry about it. His view is that he has dated NT's and they didn't work out, so why are my chances even less considering he likes people that are different anyway? It's great lol.

You are who you are at the end of the day, and if others cannot accept this then that's their loss. Otherwise, your partner is still there isn't she rincemeister? All I can say to that is she must like your quirks in order to stay with you in the fisrt place. Some people find it endearing you know, or can just accept it.

I have in the past but I look at it in the way of replacing it with an Nt relationship,

Now I just think everyone is equal doesn't matter which way you are as long as you have respect for each other...

And your meant to be they for supporting each other through life...

dramatic thinking - best thing to do is not think so negative - replace the word with a less negative word or think of all the positive it's the cycle you got to brake in most place's...

I am still working on this but you know take's time to replace words so when they said to you they don't hurt as much as they did before...

When I've eaten something that makes my health out of whack - yes, I feel this way.

When I'm tired because I've spent too much time on special interests - yes, I feel this way.

When I've avoided things I put on my "To Do" list - yes, I feel this way.

When I try to be social and I'm misunderstood - yes, I feel this way.

When I look at myself in the mirror for more than 20 minutes - yes, I feel this way.

I'd say that when those things happen singularly or in combination I spend about 95% of my time feeling I'm not good enough. If I don't keep myself maintained by eating smart, sleeping well, accomplishing tasks, limiting my social contact, and limiting mirror time, I feel very bad about myself. When I observe my personal limits on the things I've mentioned here - then I feel good. (Note that there is no "enough" on the end of that sentence.) That's how I cope. I maintain myself.

When I've discussed exactly how I haven't felt good enough for NT men, they dismiss my feelings, which rarely makes me feel better. They feel the need to compliment me on the very thing I'm worried about, which doesn't solve my problem. They are certainly attempting to placate me, but I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm asking how to fix what it is I am worried about. The only way that I've learned to deal with it is by identifying what makes me feel like I'm not good enough and combating those specific things to try and give myself a better outlook.

Meantime, I'm still trying to learn how to stop putting myself down once I've started. Stopping is not an easy job. I'd like to hear solutions on that if anyone has them but for now, I just try to combat them before they begin.

I always feel incapable of being loved, and I feel bad for the people around me, because they deserve better.

Sometimes I get low enough to feel I'm not good enough for anyone, let alone someone. But that's nothing that a bottle of wine and a good book or movie can't fix. Doing what Mikka suggested does take a lot of hard work. I've been keeping myself out of the ruts by being better at doing my job than anyone else I work with. It has helped me to find something that I'm really good at and stay focused on it. Essentially, I'm just ignoring my relationship problems. It may not be the best solution for you!

uhm...............no.

I think that way from time to time, but if a girl is dating me, then she either doesn't care about my quirks or find them cute. I'm sure you heard the "think positive" advice before, so I won't annoy you with it. Instead, my advice to you is to think less negatively. For instance, instead of thinking: "I'm so ugly, why would he/she like me?", you can think: "I'm not attractive, but he/she is still dating me, so there's gotta be something he/she likes about me; time will tell." I think most aspies will find this approach easier to understand than just "positive thinking", which in my opinion, is pure BS.

I used to think that. Now, I think there is someone out there that DOES deserve me, I'm sure there is someone out there that deserves you and will only ask of what you will give.

I don't think anyone is good enough for me! OK, all conceitedness aside, let me clean that up. Basically, I'm a quiet guy, I enjoy typing anything (especially humour, when in the mood), meditation, practicing guitar, conversations, etc. Not many females enjoy that - trust me, most their online profiles include this:
Clubs/Bar, Dancing (i'll slow dance), 56 different sports, etc.

No creativity, no individuality, etc. I could not make these people happy but THEY couldnt make ME happy. I think people, here, focus so much on making another happy they forget about themselves. Slaving away for the rest of your life isnt as appealing as being alone.

I just want a girl with a mind

you want a girl with a mind?

eh....good luck with that mate.

Gamester, it would be nice if your replies contained more than a dozen words or so. Could you explain a little about what your statements mean?

I assume you are implying that girls with a good mind are not easy to find, why would you say something so mean?

I hear what Gamester is saying and with humour brings an element of truth.

The truth is, and I dont mean to generalize everyone because there are a lot of smart females here, girls with a strong mind on their shoulders is incredibly hard to find. Looking at personal ads, they are ALL the same and I mean ALL the same. All the girls look like bar ho's that spend a great deal of time in the tanning salon wasting money on looking pretty and looking for 'stud mcgriff.'

Now, I'm not against people looking a certain way but when your life revolves around your image and not your substance then I have to turn away. As well, many females play 'head' games, they get off on guys liking them, leading them on, then turning away from them - this is a betrayal of trust and honesty. It's also a sign of insecurity, on their part.

Again, the girls here seem to have their head on straight and I am always thrown off by them because they talk with honesty and truth. Its gotten to the point where I analyze a girl and see if she is more 'aspie' or 'nt' like and hope she is more 'aspie' like. I know more about them and they tend no play games. Oh, and they are hard to find

I don't feel good enough, no. I get overwhelmed and angry and I'm so limited in terms of what I'm comfortable doing. I'm dependent, not independent...I'm a little needy. I'm insecure as hell without a fraction of confidence--I'll face my fears but always expect the worst because for me the worst always seems to be the case as far as relationships are concerned. And I obsess waaay too much.

It's not that I don't have good points, they're just not what most girls these days want. They want confidence and independence--those are the two words I've heard the most. And I lack those things. I'd be the girl in a relationship, not the guy, and most girls can't handle that too well. So, no, I don't feel good enough--not in the right ways. Even without gender roles, I'm still angry and negative too often, and though I can't help the sensory defensiveness that causes it, it's still a terrible thing.

Hey, for all those who dont think they have much to offer

I am a bald headed, nerdy looking guy. I used to look like an Irish tough guy, red beard, pretty good looking (I never thought so until now). Then, wam, lost every single hair on me (even the nose/ear hair). So, I'm like a hairless cat - a little 'image' deficient but for some reason, my sense of humour and confidence exploded. It took the loss of something to gain something.

That's exactly how I feel. I feel that I'm a freak.

I feel that if I get involved in any relationship, there would be a steep learning curve for me. I guess I do feel a little intimidated that way.