Sex and Consent

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

Jono
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,652
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

09 Aug 2011, 5:38 pm

ptown wrote:

My roommate is not conserved and does not have a legal guardian and he is 20 years old.
Keep the comments coming. Most importantly, I am highly concerned that somehow my roommate needs to have PROOF that he is declared legally competent to consent to sex.
The guy votes, goes to college, decides everything in his own life, and says NO to most offers of help such as cleaning his room or handling lengthy paperwork. In fact, he very strongly says NO to help cooking, being hugged, etc. so I don't know why the law considers Aspies or anyone getting services from a regional center to be so mentally incapable that they can't decide who they can love or hook up with.

If you need proof then look for a psychiatrist that specializes in ASD's but I'm pretty sure that people with AS are capable of consenting. If your roommate is as independent as you say he is, is an adult and does not have a legal guardian, then I would think that the social worker would need some kind of statement from him to make any kind complaint of sexual abuse. It also seems to me that the social worker is trying to manipulate him into making such a complaint when possibly nothing of the sort happened. I personally think that they were two legally consenting adults and that you need a new social worker. Like the previous two posters said, he can have sex with any other legally consenting adult he wants to.

Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

10 Aug 2011, 4:40 am

The other point is that the social worker might have a reason for doing it besides having issues of her own - i.e. he/she might want to take advantage o him for work purposes.

But, yes, it's all worth considering.

LadySera
Velociraptor

Joined: 1 Jun 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 418

10 Aug 2011, 4:57 am

I don't see how that could be legal. A lot of people in my town are on SSI, many of them have severe mental problems & are dating or married to NTs, so it must be consensual here.

ptown wrote:

Has anyone here ever been told they are NOT competent to make their own sexual decisions or have consensual sex? .

Oh yeah, my sister has been treating me like that for years before we even knew this was wrong with me (& she's younger than me). But I know my own mind. I know before our date if that's happening (as long as he doesn't start being a jerk).

ptown
Sea Gull

Joined: 6 Feb 2009
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 211
Location: big city

10 Aug 2011, 5:12 pm

My roommate agreed it would be a good idea to file a complaint with the licensing board for mental health workers. I filed one against her since I was a witness to alot of her unprofessionalism. He decided last night not to file (refused after agreeing) and just spent hours on his special interest instead.

gc1ceo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 15 Aug 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 61

19 Aug 2011, 6:15 pm

He must be ruled mentally incompetent not to be able to consent to sexual activity as an adult, this takes the courts and I believe three separate doctors to approve. Until that happens or if he has a ruling from previously in life about his mental state or whatever then he should be a consenting adult..

He should be convinced strongly to get a second opinion, you don't have to say the first doctor is right but explain that such a thing really needs a second or even third doctor to agree and that requires sitting down and having them talk to him.

Without knowing more details, which is beyond the rules of the forum I'm sure I couldn't say anything more. He'd have to be interviewed in detail about the experience bit by bit, likewise even if its determined he was manipulated that's not being exploited per say nor would it make it non-consensual.

DC
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Aug 2011
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,477

19 Aug 2011, 6:44 pm

ptown wrote:

My roommate is 20 years old. His social worker/psych seems to believe that because he is Aspie, he is easily manipulated and therefore unable to be competent to consent to sexual activity. He was involved sexually with someone when he was 19 years old and now the social worker is trying to convince him that he was exploited/abused. This guy is a very strong willed person who can EASILY make decisions/say NO/say YES, etc. He's very well educated about sex and issues connected to sex such as sexual health, drama/emotions, boundary communication, etc.

Has anyone here ever been told they are NOT competent to make their own sexual decisions or have consensual sex? There are all these laws protecting persons with developmental disability from sexual exploitation/abuse and all the research on line talks about mental retardation but I can't find any laws on the books regarding Asperger's.

My roommate is concerned his social worker/psych will somehow disallow him from having any kind of sexual/romantic relationships in the future and will constantly be accusing any of his future dates/lovers/partners of exploitation and abuse.

Thanks.

It's quite difficult, were you there in the room when your room-mate and the social worker were discussing it?

Did your roommate say that he had fallen head over heels with a girl and she had talked him out of his life savings and then dumped him? Or that he hadn't wanted to get penetrated by a strapon while dressed as a seal but he did it because she insisted it was what normal people do?

Barring those sorts of extreme scenarios your social worker sounds to be way, way out of line. So far out of line that complaints and talking to the social worker's manager are needed, they are either extremely ignorant about AS/autism or completely nuts.

oldmantime
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 May 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 522

20 Aug 2011, 2:15 pm

he'd be better off not dealing with them at all. the more i interact with these types, social worker, and the more i read about them at places like here, the more i realize that the places the give these people degrees don't do a damn thing to impart knowledge and sense upon them.

how do people become this stupid?

oldmantime
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 May 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 522

20 Aug 2011, 2:19 pm

Tequila wrote:

what use would this "taking advantage" be?

GoldTails95
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 30 Nov 2014
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 195
Location: SoFla

06 Apr 2015, 11:22 am

I know a solution. If no one is there to tattletale, you could lie that you do not have a disability to authorities in order to be allowed sexual consent just as if you were lying that you dont have autism to get in the military. Even better, destroy records of your diagnosis. Then, you will be allowed sexual consent if you have a DD if an only you LIE or destroy diagnosis.

_________________
RAADS-14 score is 23.

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,264
Location: Pacific Northwest

06 Apr 2015, 11:53 am

Zombie hread alert. The social worker is treated the guy like he is intellectually impaired.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

07 Apr 2015, 1:14 am

If I were him I just wouldn't tell my social worker anything about my sex life. I'd keep my private life private. Problem solved.

_________________
No :heart:

for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

vanille
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 21 Mar 2014
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 33

07 Apr 2015, 9:04 am

ptown wrote:

I would like to say that it is possible that maybe your roommate suffered some kind of abuse in his past relationship and that he won't tell you. This would not mean that he is not ''competent to make his own sexual decisions or have consensual sex'', this would only mean that he was abused and that he needs help. I feel the need to say this because it happened to my Aspie boyfriend. I don't say this is what happened here, but your roommate is the only one to know.

As others said, if he wants to, he should ask to see another social worker.

Diningroom
Blue Jay

Joined: 19 Mar 2015
Posts: 98

10 Apr 2015, 7:26 pm

ptown wrote:

Your roomie is a legal adult and (presumably) isn't in a guardianship sort of situation (ie a court has deemed him legally incompetent of making certain decisions) -- so why does he have a social worker?

And why is his social worker feeling the need to meddle in his sex life?

Why is your roomie LETTING the social worker meddle in his sex life?

How, exactly, has this social worker been granted the authority to dictate which legal, consenting adults Roomie can or cannot have sex with? Why doesn't Roomie tell his social worker to butt out or go for a swim in shark-infested waters wearing bacon pants?

Roomie is a competent legal adult who can legally consent to have sex with any other legal adult who consents to having sex with him.

Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

11 Apr 2015, 3:09 am

Thread is 4 years old, locking it.

If you are in a similar situation or have advice for others in a similar situation, feel free to start a new thread.

_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

Sex and Consent Post Reply New Topic

Sex and Consent