Not Disabled But Not Able?

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Hi, I am seriously looking for some kind of full featured relationship. Only there is a slight problem I can't work past all by myself.

I'm not exactly autistic disabled, I can do anything a normal person can do... but... It still traumatizes me.
Everything you hear autistic people are unable to do causes me mental anguish.
I think it is the popular definition of being lame.

Soooo.... Dating for lame people? How is it done? Do I have a chance? I don't think I really deserve to have a relationship.

Say something encouraging and helpful please.

umm...i suppose you go out and meet people. schmooze. and then...date them. i honestly have no idea. im just trying to say encouraging, helpful things. how old are you? let's make out and see where it goes. in any case, i wish you the best of luck. maybe try meeting people at work or school. get to know them.

Gets better with experience. It's a slow process that requires effort.

You probably need to set aside your pride and just start trying. Work on conversational skills first. Walk up to groups and chit chat. Then practice comfort around, and conversation with, the opposite sex. Once those skills have improved you can graduate to asking someone out.

“Not disabled but not able.” I think we’ve got a new Asperger’s slogan.

haha blackcat you are hilarious. no really.
OMG everyone's a comedian.

OK thanks I know all that stuff. I could go places and all that, but I could do it maybe once a month for an hour at a time?
Alright, alright, I don't want to make this into a self pity thread, so if you have an idea what my real questions are maybe tell me what I should be asking.
(I erased a ton of unhelpful self pity stuff. FYI)

Are there any metrics on this dating stuff? I don't know about the whole getting used to people thing. I socialized plenty in school and the pain and trauma never went away. I got good at public speaking. People say they miss chatting with me. People say I'm engaging and entertaining. I get some kind of PTSD with amnesia caused by stress, just from silly awkwardness.

So, for a person who can handle maybe one hour a month, I have all the skills really, but I guess I'm not sure that is enough.
Is there a metric on what my chances are with that frequency?
You hear the term high functioning, but how high functioning does a person have to be?

(EDIT I'm 24 ) I don't try much because of my health. If I wasn't chronically ill I would go out more. I have waited this long purely out of not wanting to look like a jerk trying to get a free ride from a sucker. I realize this is all very murky waters borderline taboo sort of stuff, well if it isn't for you it is for everyone I know.

So I guess what I'm trying to ask is how to make it seem right. How to approach it right. I could end up one of those frequent daters, the person who you get stuck with because...

It's just a matter of doing. Your first pass will be practice. You first date will be practice. Your first relationship will be practice. You are going to make a lot of mistakes until you gain experience. Your goal is to learn, not to marry your next date. Don't take it too seriously.

I would be less disabled if I lived in the United States Of America. I would be able to keep more of what I earn
and be more of a man that can provide.


Advice wise. Actually I think it dissevers its own post. I will do that soon as I get home.

Ok, so what exactly should I be doing in this dating thing?
What method is best for people with aspergers?

Online Dating?
Clubbing?
Boozing?
Dances?
Speed Dating?
Randomly asking women to go out with me during an unrelated conversation?

Should I be not very choosy with my "practice" dates? Go out with women I would not want to get serious with?
I'm extremely vain and needy like a woman.

Also, it occurs to me that I am unable to detect interest in conversations. I can't imagine how or if I could ever schmooze, whatever that is.

I am a girl who fell in love with a guy who is finally getting assessed for AS. Maybe this can help you.

We met at a community college in an English class. I was attracted to him for a few reasons that I will list below:

He was-

smiling a lot
nice
not afraid to ask for clarification in class
funny
well-groomed
neatly dressed (he appeared to be making an effort to look nice)

He also quoted from Monty Python, a British comedy group, and I recognized we had that in common.

I knew he was "different" fairly quickly but we got along well and would meet up before class to talk one on one. He took a chance and asked me out on a date and we have been together now for almost 2 years! We are engaged, too!


The biggest things that attracted me at first were his neat appearance and being well-groomed. He kept his hair short enough that it couldn't be too messy and he was clean-shaven. I happen to like that. He wore khaki pants and a polo shirt on most days, which I also liked.


I am just now learning more about autism and AS. It has been a rough road, but it has been worth it. Even though might sound strange, seeing a therapist for couples therapy probably would have helped us more if we had started seeing someone earlier in the relationship.


For meeting people, I would suggest going somewhere that you can do something you enjoy. That way, if you meet someone there, you can be pretty sure they enjoy that too. You can have something in common right away! If you are in school you could try classes (asking a classmate about an assignment is a way to start talking). If you are not in school, maybe there are hobby groups in your area you could look at.

I hope this helps, even just a little bit.

Yeah that helps a very tiny bit, thanks.
I get the gist of the message being it happens by random chance. Two ships cross paths on the ocean in the dead of night.

It would probably worry me less to go places if I wasn't taking my life into my hands every time.
I've been known to commonly get sick for weeks after going on outings around groups of people.

I am interested in anything that people do without getting together in groups. Oddly enough, I don't consider knowing someone online to be friendship or relationship.

I think the biggest roadblocks are having no energy and high gas prices and difficulty traveling.

I live in a nice sized house. Maybe I can get other people to come to me? How would this work out? Anyone out there have experienced inviting strangers over for things and can give some tips? How many women do you think are interested in the non-traditional relationship where the woman has all of the power and responsibilities?