Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

lightening020
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 639

28 Aug 2011, 12:23 am

I just went on this date? with a girl. I wasn't really sure, but anyways half-way through she tells me about her boyfriend blah blah blah long distance crap. Anyways I was awkward as hell, but she didnt seem to mind but anyways that was just weird.

I'm kinda freaking out right now, not really about that but I felt like everyone in the restaurant was watching me judging me and laughing at me, and everyone who sees me can "see me". I didn't act like a man, I couldn't help but be nervous, like a little boy.

I just walked into a supermarket and these girls were leaving and walked right by me, and I have to look i have to make some kind of eye contact, but I can't stare, I can't not look, but like everything else It just felt weird as hell, and I definitely know I looked strange or creepy by myself....................f**k

I live on campus, and there are shouts in the distant and a few parties going on. How can I just walk by myself to go over there to where it is happening? f**k I don't know what to do.

I feel really strange Im absolutely positive everybody who sees me is thinking "wtf is up with that guy". I know that I am giving it off, I can't help it im not sure wtf is happening to me. I try to put on a normal face. Im afraid everyone can see. I'm not a man, and not anywhere near close, and all the girls can see it, all of the older men can see it. I don't act that immature, but still



Davuardo
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 85
Location: Depends who you ask

28 Aug 2011, 3:44 am

It's an awful situation, but it's Asperger's(though I must stress Asperger's is different for everyone).

I can't say too much of any genuine help, but I found that with the party incident that NT's (well the nice ones...) understand the curiosity of what's going on with all the yelling, unless you actually invade the party itself :P Just take the leap, it's easier to do each time :)

With eye contact, your guess is as good as mine, I carry a mobile phone handy so I have something to look at :P

With that 'date' incident, thats awful luck :( I'm glad I've never gone through that, but then again I'm so phobic of dates I waited for my girlfriend to find me :P At least you're getting out there and trying, good on you :)


_________________
Your Aspie score: 186 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 22 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

Apparently it's ethically incorrect to possess people...


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

28 Aug 2011, 3:56 am

Sadly, this is common for everyone and worse for aspies. Being seen walking somewhere by yourself makes you feel like a fool. For example: I would always have a pounding heart and extreme anxiety going to a party alone and it would only decreased after I saw someone I knew and started to blend in talking to them.

I know what we think is real to us, but to the people in that restaurant: They were probably feeling empathy for you. No-one likes to think they're on a date and then hear all about the boyfriend. If I saw that going on I would think "poor dude".



CrinklyCrustacean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,284

28 Aug 2011, 4:43 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I know what we think is real to us, but to the people in that restaurant: They were probably feeling empathy for you. No-one likes to think they're on a date and then hear all about the boyfriend. If I saw that going on I would think "poor dude".

It's bizarre that she didn't realise they were on a date. I assume he asked her out. Are people really this dense? :scratch:



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

28 Aug 2011, 4:48 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I know what we think is real to us, but to the people in that restaurant: They were probably feeling empathy for you. No-one likes to think they're on a date and then hear all about the boyfriend. If I saw that going on I would think "poor dude".

It's bizarre that she didn't realise they were on a date. I assume he asked her out. Are people really this dense? :scratch:


What she did is a "social cue" for hinting to him she's not interested in being his GF.

Something for future reference: If a girl ever talks to you about her boyfriend, it means she's telling you she's not interested.

And people aren't that dense. They know what they're doing and make their message clear (well to them anyway). The message this case is: "I enjoy hanging out with you as friends but won't be your GF".



Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

28 Aug 2011, 7:42 am

hale_bopp wrote:
What she did is a "social cue" for hinting to him she's not interested in being his GF.

Something for future reference: If a girl ever talks to you about her boyfriend, it means she's telling you she's not interested.

And people aren't that dense. They know what they're doing and make their message clear (well to them anyway). The message this case is: "I enjoy hanging out with you as friends but won't be your GF".


That's what may have happened here, it may have started as a date, but at some point the girl realized that they weren't on the same page feelings-wise, so she dropped the "B-bomb".

I actually like this tactic: it's unambiguous, and even if it's not true, demonstrates that the girl has enough respect for your feelings to find it necessary to tell a "white lie".

Ironically, I had a girl fail to tell me about her boyfriend (I knew otherwise through another channel) and this caused me to erroneously think she was interested in me - d'Oh! - I guess the principle doesn't work in reverse... :roll: :wink:



MountZion
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 397
Location: London

28 Aug 2011, 7:48 am

Hah, I know this feeling pretty well. All those things have happened to me at some point. Ever since, I have been taking steps to make sure these things don't get to me, or even happen to me lol. I find that the best way to deal with my anxieties is simply to just jump in and let it happen to me. I'm a strong boy, I can take it :)


_________________
The Artistry


meeple
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 6

29 Aug 2011, 3:36 pm

as an NT (well, mostly), i would like to just say that it is HIGHLY unlikely that anyone in the restaurant even noticed you. people are so wrapped up in their own lives and drama, that they fail to notice what is going on around them. it took me a long time to figure this out.