Abusive relationships as entertainment??

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Janissy
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16 Sep 2011, 8:51 am

MONKEY wrote:
. And this makes good TV????
.


Not good TV, but interesting TV. The horror and drama of it sucked you in and you wound up watching something which you certainly had no intention of watching when you sat down. That's exactly what the show's producers want.

This is why I think so many reality TV shows are unethical. Conflict is interesting to watch. That's why it forms the core of so many narratives that fascinate us, both fictional and non-fictional. When it's fictional, that's fine. Actors who are following a script go home to their own lives unaffected (I hope). But the people in reality TV shows are being paid to have conflict in their own lives. The more dramatic and awful the conflict is, the more they are assured of having the money (and sometimes fame) coming their way. They are being paid to maintain dysfunctional relationships.

This prospective bride is being paid to be verbally abusive, which just reinforces this awful behaviour. It gives her a financial incentive to continue and even escalate it when social pressures might otherwise be pushing her in a better direction (or not, but at least she wouldn't be paid to escalate). The prospective groom is being paid to take it when otherwise he might be inclined to call off the wedding. Perhaps he wouldn't, and there are probably married men out there who went through with a wedding even knowing that their future wife was like this. But having him paid to tolerate this rather than leaving makes it far less likely that he will leave. The money and TV exposure pushed people to do things that they should not do all so that they will remain in damaging conflict situations just because those situations are interestiong for other people to watch.

It happened with the older show "Jon and Kate Plus 8" where a woman was financially rewarded for being verbally abusive and a man was financially rewarded for tolerating it. Initially the drama of the show was about how difficult it is to raise that many children of the same age but that isn't really all that dramatic- at least not enough for several seasons- and so the seeds of conflict were encouraged to grow into the train wreck that made it into the tabloids. A marriage ended and 8 children had their childhoods damaged by this TV show.

A lot of reality shows start out ostensibly just being about a slice of peoples' lives or being about some sort of competition between several people. Some of them manage to stay that way. "The Osbournes" managed to not devolve into abuse, probably because they weren't a dysfunctional couple to begin with. "American Idol" manages to stay more or less about singing rather than about contestants abusing each other. But a lot of them devolve into horrible conflict and verbal abuse.

I think the Bridezilla couple would be dysfunctional even if there were no cameras rolling. But the presence of cameras encourages the prospective bride's abusive behaviour in the name of drama and it keeps people from leaving a toxic situation (as the prospective groom might have otherwise done). Recently one of the men on one of those "The Real Wives Of..." shows committed suicide because he was so deeply in debt trying to finance his wife's unsustainable but photogenic spending sprees. His suicide shows the damage that these unethical shows can do. Would he still be alive if not for the show? I don't know. But he might be. It was his wife's decision to spend so outrageously. It was his decision not to cut up her credit cards but to commit suicide instead. So legally the show isn't responsible. But ethically I think they are. They encouraged these t people to head down a destructive path because it was so interesting to film.

I like watching conflict too. It really is interesting. But when I'm flipping through the channels I make a conscious effort not to stay on a reality show- no matter how interesting- and instead turn to scripted shows or movies to get my drama fix. It can be as hard as turning away from a donut, but just as necessary.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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16 Sep 2011, 1:54 pm

I've noticed that a lot of people find drama entertaining. Personally, even when I did watch TV I refused to watch shows like that. I just never saw the appeal.

I think I'm annoying my sister, though. She keeps referencing tv shows and gets a blank stare in response. :oops:


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Wayne
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16 Sep 2011, 3:09 pm

I sometimes get really sucked into these shows. I also like to watch thunderstorms, galaxies colliding, explosions, and other similar things.

The mathematical chaos of it, the way the bride follows a pattern but still shows infinite variations in the exact way she pitches a fit or makes baseless accusations or spins someone else's statements or tries to scam vendors out of money... fascinating.

And then other people do things that look kind of unfair from the outside and Pure Evil to the bride, and the way that plays out in an intricate dance, well that adds even further complexity.

And there's interesting psychological study in seeing the groom not call off the wedding from some of these brides. At least one regularly broke down in tears. A few seem to me to be on the spectrum. And yet they all soldier on in the apparent belief that she'll calm down after the wedding.



Brobama
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17 Sep 2011, 8:00 pm

Hatertainment. It makes people feel good



Nexus
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17 Sep 2011, 11:02 pm

Titangeek wrote:
And people wonder why divorce rates are as high as they are...


And makes you wonder why the homicide rate isn't higher lol.


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Melpomene
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18 Sep 2011, 7:51 am

I hate that. Women can belittle their partners and boss them around and shout and shriek at them all day long, but as soon as a man raises his voice against her, it's verbal abuse. You can bet the woman would sue the husband for all he's worth as 'revenge' as well.

I don't watch TV often, but when I stumble across reality shows such as these, I use them for case studies. I try to pick out characteristics that are indicative of verbal and psychological abuse and keep an eye out for similar behaviour in people I know, so I know when to run like hell :lol:



Erisad
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18 Sep 2011, 9:28 am

I remember one episode of Bridezillas (on the rare occasion that I actually watched it) the man did call off the wedding because of her bitchy behavior. Then all the meanness gave way to sobbing and "How can he do this to meeeeeee." Gee, you only belittled him and treated him like s**t the entire time. Kind of gave him a preview to what their marriage was going to be like and he decided he didn't want a part of it. Good for him. :)



Tim_Tex
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21 Sep 2011, 10:21 pm

What I can't stand is when people accuse their partners of being "controlling" or "abusive" every time they don't get their way.



League_Girl
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22 Sep 2011, 3:48 am

Even though I don't watch those shows, I gotta admit I have watched movies that involved abusive relationships. I usually watch that kind of stuff because it interests me, same as why I would watch a movie about crime or eating disorders or about autism or about having a special needs child or someone with a mental illness. That was how I watched Benny & Joon and then it became my new obsession when I was 17. I had seen the movie a year before when I was 15 but I only saw the end of it.