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You've been the death of me...

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MR20
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24 Sep 2011, 3:19 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
I_am_Kira wrote:
I, like most of us Aspies, has always been socially awkward. But I had a lot of friends who were drawn to my nerdiness...until 10th grade. Then, they pursued other things. They no longer wanted to hang out at my house and play video games. So, I was very alone. Then, in 11th grade, I sat next to a really pretty girl that I was familar with all year in AP European History. Over time, we became really good friends because we both liked nerdy things like anime and Star Wars, etc. But, she dated several abusive, unscupulous guys (and girls). Her tragic flaw, besides lacking common sense even though she was a very smart girl for a neurotypical, was that she was too forgiving. She would forgive those punkwads who clearly didn't care about her and they would use her for sex and what not because they pretended to love her. Suffice to say, I grew sick of watching someone I cared about being emotionally tortured like that, so I sought to stop it. Unlike most NT boys, I treat girls I care for like priceless gems. I hadn't intended to at first, but I realized I loved this girl. It had been nearly nine monthes since we were friends. I did everything I was supposed to; I wrote long, sincere, romantic letters, I bought her flowers, chocolates, nerd stuff etc. I even handcrafted jewelry for her, something I learned in the Boy Scouts in Metalworking. For two years, I tried everything I could think of, and for two years she rejected me again and again for the same idiots who had been mistreating her all that time. I had been hurt before, but believed in her, so I was willing to take another chance. I thought she understood me, liked me. I matched everything she wanted in a guy, but it didn't matter all the same. Suffice to say, we don't talk anymore and now that we've both graduated from high school, I will probably never see her again. They say college girls are more mature, but I know better. She was my only hope. Who would ever want to be with an Aspie freak like me...?


Ouch. That was painful to read.

You are SOOOOOOOOOOOO much like I once was.

College girls are no different. They want a guy who they can show off to all their peer competitors (female friends).


Yeah most girls around that age and mine only care about sex and showing off how "cute" and "fit" their man is to their friends.

Since I'm not handsome, in shape (no fat though) I have no shot with any woman. Also I'm 25, poor, slow, uneducated, friendless, never dated, a hermit, un-charismatic, and boring.

Any decent looking girl would laugh at even the thought of going out with me.

I've have never had a shot and I never will.



WinterMagnolia
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26 Sep 2011, 5:54 pm

i think a lot of the people who read this post only saw how it could be offensive and maybe didnt fully take into account how your hurt feelings could color your depiction of the events that transpired. (and thus the "grouping" and wording you choose throughout the post.)

it sounds to me like you put a lot of effort and time into this girl, and she didnt find you phsyically attractive or socially adept enough, so she rejected you.

i recently went through a two year period where i was "obsessed" with a guy i'd known a really long time. i spent hundreds, (possibly thousands,) of dollars on him, even putting myself in fiscal danger to meet his desires. i bought him presents, drove him anywhere he asked and did everything i could to "fit in" with his social circle. eventually he rejected me so many times i finally got the hint...
i felt strung alone and heartbroken.

my point is this: sometimes, people use us. im not saying its intentional, planned or even OK. but it happens. and its completely natural to feel bitter about it. especially if its something that happens over and over with different people and attempts at romantic connection.

but dont let the bitter feeling stay. it is not everyone else's fault that this one person choose to treat you this way. its not your fault either. try and take this as a lesson on seeing when someone is not interested, and to move on; on your own before you get even more hurt.
i "believed" in the guy i was infatuated with, and waited 2 years for him. that is wrong. if they are seemingly not interested, chances are they never will be. they will never "see past" the social awkwardness, they will never "look deeper" and appreciate the hidden talents.
i believe this is the curse of the NT. (not all just most that i've had experience with.)
it is difficult for someone who is so used to a certain way of being to accept something different. it is hard to see the beauty and compassion in someone when all they can see is awkward doting.

i am sorry you went through this, but it does not mean you should give up or become hardened to the possibility of love. try and find someone who is as much into you as you are into them. anything less is not worth it and will proabbly just end up hurting in the long run.

oh, and the flowers, chocolates and romantic poems/letters DO work on some women. some dont enjoy it until they are older, but there are plenty who do. take it from me, too many flowers is better than none at all! :) (careful of the letters though, if you over-do it that can seem... stalker-ish. be romantic but dont go "overboard")..
course... this is just my overblown opinion lol :roll:


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Bopkasen
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27 Sep 2011, 12:43 am

WinterMagnolia wrote:
i think a lot of the people who read this post only saw how it could be offensive and maybe didnt fully take into account how your hurt feelings could color your depiction of the events that transpired. (and thus the "grouping" and wording you choose throughout the post.)

it sounds to me like you put a lot of effort and time into this girl, and she didnt find you phsyically attractive or socially adept enough, so she rejected you.

i recently went through a two year period where i was "obsessed" with a guy i'd known a really long time. i spent hundreds, (possibly thousands,) of dollars on him, even putting myself in fiscal danger to meet his desires. i bought him presents, drove him anywhere he asked and did everything i could to "fit in" with his social circle. eventually he rejected me so many times i finally got the hint...
i felt strung alone and heartbroken.

my point is this: sometimes, people use us. im not saying its intentional, planned or even OK. but it happens. and its completely natural to feel bitter about it. especially if its something that happens over and over with different people and attempts at romantic connection.

but dont let the bitter feeling stay. it is not everyone else's fault that this one person choose to treat you this way. its not your fault either. try and take this as a lesson on seeing when someone is not interested, and to move on; on your own before you get even more hurt.
i "believed" in the guy i was infatuated with, and waited 2 years for him. that is wrong. if they are seemingly not interested, chances are they never will be. they will never "see past" the social awkwardness, they will never "look deeper" and appreciate the hidden talents.
i believe this is the curse of the NT. (not all just most that i've had experience with.)
it is difficult for someone who is so used to a certain way of being to accept something different. it is hard to see the beauty and compassion in someone when all they can see is awkward doting.

i am sorry you went through this, but it does not mean you should give up or become hardened to the possibility of love. try and find someone who is as much into you as you are into them. anything less is not worth it and will proabbly just end up hurting in the long run.

oh, and the flowers, chocolates and romantic poems/letters DO work on some women. some dont enjoy it until they are older, but there are plenty who do. take it from me, too many flowers is better than none at all! :) (careful of the letters though, if you over-do it that can seem... stalker-ish. be romantic but dont go "overboard")..
course... this is just my overblown opinion lol :roll:



I would be convicted by your generosity. There is no telling how I would feel about this.



WinterMagnolia
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27 Sep 2011, 2:53 pm

Bopkasen wrote:
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I would be convicted by your generosity. There is no telling how I would feel about this.


i am sorry, im afraid i do not quite understand your meaning..? could you state it in a different way possibly?


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Bopkasen
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28 Sep 2011, 11:35 am

WinterMagnolia wrote:
Bopkasen wrote:
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I would be convicted by your generosity. There is no telling how I would feel about this.


i am sorry, im afraid i do not quite understand your meaning..? could you state it in a different way possibly?


It means that I would feel guilty to not think of a possibility of dating you. If there were no alternative, I feel guilty in spite of your kind gifts to refuse you.



Brianruns10
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28 Sep 2011, 11:44 am

I_am_Kira wrote:
I, like most of us Aspies, has always been socially awkward. But I had a lot of friends who were drawn to my nerdiness...until 10th grade. Then, they pursued other things. They no longer wanted to hang out at my house and play video games. So, I was very alone. Then, in 11th grade, I sat next to a really pretty girl that I was familar with all year in AP European History. Over time, we became really good friends because we both liked nerdy things like anime and Star Wars, etc. But, she dated several abusive, unscupulous guys (and girls). Her tragic flaw, besides lacking common sense even though she was a very smart girl for a neurotypical, was that she was too forgiving. She would forgive those punkwads who clearly didn't care about her and they would use her for sex and what not because they pretended to love her. Suffice to say, I grew sick of watching someone I cared about being emotionally tortured like that, so I sought to stop it. Unlike most NT boys, I treat girls I care for like priceless gems. I hadn't intended to at first, but I realized I loved this girl. It had been nearly nine monthes since we were friends. I did everything I was supposed to; I wrote long, sincere, romantic letters, I bought her flowers, chocolates, nerd stuff etc. I even handcrafted jewelry for her, something I learned in the Boy Scouts in Metalworking. For two years, I tried everything I could think of, and for two years she rejected me again and again for the same idiots who had been mistreating her all that time. I had been hurt before, but believed in her, so I was willing to take another chance. I thought she understood me, liked me. I matched everything she wanted in a guy, but it didn't matter all the same. Suffice to say, we don't talk anymore and now that we've both graduated from high school, I will probably never see her again. They say college girls are more mature, but I know better. She was my only hope. Who would ever want to be with an Aspie freak like me...?


You'll find someone. Don't focus so much, work on being happy as you are, and soon someone will appreciate all you can offer. Frankly, if that girl doesn't realize what a catch you are, if she keeps dating bad guys, in the end she deserves whatever she gets, because she's bringing it on herself. Consider yourself lucky you avoided that train wreck.



WinterMagnolia
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28 Sep 2011, 5:27 pm

Bopkasen wrote:
WinterMagnolia wrote:
Bopkasen wrote:
Quote:


I would be convicted by your generosity. There is no telling how I would feel about this.


i am sorry, im afraid i do not quite understand your meaning..? could you state it in a different way possibly?


It means that I would feel guilty to not think of a possibility of dating you. If there were no alternative, I feel guilty in spite of your kind gifts to refuse you.


oh! lol ok lol thanks for clarifying .. i was confused haha :P
yes, im sure i would feel the same as you if it were reversed (another doting on me instead of me doting on them).
then again, im brutally honest and kinda blunt so if i was not interested i would've made it clear from the start and not expected-or accepted- any of the gifts, money, rides, etc. i suppose that is why i "believed" in him; i just could not see how another would not view it the same way i do. that is to say, if I would make things clear and reject tokens of love because of no romantic intentions, i could not see that other people may accept them and utilize the affections regardless of their intentions.

it is a very hard lesson learned, especially when the glasses of infatuation are muddy and opaque.


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"There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall."? Colette