WTF is wrong with me?

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Bopkasen
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28 Sep 2011, 10:20 pm

Comp_Geek_573 wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Oh, and let's not forget the guy I scared off last week by telling him I had AS. I might as well have "I am damaged" plastered on my forehead.

As a guy diagnosed with Aspergers, I have to say that saying that to me would have gotten me MUCH MUCH MORE interested in you, unlike that undoubtedly NT guy.

I am the guy who sit next to a homeless man and a rich man. I am open minded.

Surfman
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29 Sep 2011, 2:55 am

You dissipate much of your vital energy, here on WP by starting and answering threads.

Gather your chi and aim it at your object of affection. If that object be a website, so be it.

I'd say all the prominent thread starters and very active posters are single :idea:

Grisha
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29 Sep 2011, 7:06 am

Surfman wrote:

I'd say all the prominent thread starters and very active posters are single :idea:

Ironically, I started a thread on this very subject a while back. :roll:

People have a strong tendency to stop posting/post less when they establish romantic relationships.

You guys are going to be stuck with me for a while... :wink:

KenM
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29 Sep 2011, 8:34 am

I can sympathize with the OP. I'm 43 and never meet someone until recently. It's very frustrating when you try everything and nothing works out. Even when you know about your AS and work on it. Relationships are harder for people with AS.

AsteroidNap
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29 Sep 2011, 8:42 am

MountainLaurel wrote:

My take; maybe LA is the wrong place for an affluent, competant, hard working, amusing aspie who resembles Hugh Grant in a bad mood to attract attractive women.

Have you considered Boston? Would 5 months of foul weather be too off putting? Harvard & MIT; lots of nerdy professorial women, some attractive.

As someone who live in L.A. as well, I concur with this assessment. Grisha, don't be too hard on yourself -- realize that a large component of your frustration comes from the LA area. I mentioned in a thread a while back my empirical evidence regarding this phenomena.

My work can take me away from LA for weeks at a time. When I'm away, doing nothing different mind you, I find the women much more interested in me. I even had one of those "Grisha moments" when a woman literally threw herself on me. That has never happened in the ten years I've been in L.A.

Now you say the East Coast isn't workable because of family. How about San Diego? I've found it to lack the "LA effect" as well...not the East Coast, but perhaps logistically workable?

Grisha
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29 Sep 2011, 9:40 am

AsteroidNap wrote:

MountainLaurel wrote:

As someone who live in L.A. as well, I concur with this assessment. Grisha, don't be too hard on yourself -- realize that a large component of your frustration comes from the LA area. I mentioned in a thread a while back my empirical evidence regarding this phenomena.

My work can take me away from LA for weeks at a time. When I'm away, doing nothing different mind you, I find the women much more interested in me. I even had one of those "Grisha moments" when a woman literally threw herself on me. That has never happened in
the ten years I've been in L.A.

Now you say the East Coast isn't workable because of family. How about San Diego? I've found it to lack the "LA effect" as well...not the East Coast, but perhaps logistically workable?

Pretty much anything from Santa Barbara to San Diego will work logistically, but it seems kind of strange to move simply for that reason. When I used to be on OK Cupid, most of my most promising leads seemed to generally come from the "east" Hollywood area (Silverlake/Los Feliz) for some reason, so I almost moved there earlier this year - but then I flaked out and signed another 18 month lease where I am now (Orange County/Aliso Viejo). Maybe I'll consider it again once my lease is up...

mv
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29 Sep 2011, 9:46 am

Grisha wrote:

MountainLaurel wrote:

Grisha, you look like Hugh Grant circa 1995.

You make me laugh. That's attractive. Every time I see one of your posts I muse that the picture looks like Hugh Grant. I just googled hugh grant mug shot. It is Hugh Grant. That's funny.

And you're in the big house; not that Big House. So you have two houses.

My take; maybe LA is the wrong place for an affluent, competant, hard working, amusing aspie who resembles Hugh Grant in a bad mood to attract attractive women.

Have you considered Boston? Would 5 months of foul weather be too off putting? Harvard & MIT; lots of nerdy professorial women, some attractive.

Boston would be great! Especially because that's where MV lives

I feel much more comfortable/accepted on the east coast but I am chained to LA - that's where my children live (with their mother) and I have to be close to them - they live 50 miles away right now and even that is difficult for me...

d'awwwww... Of course, you have to think of your children. I'm so sad that they're 50 miles away from you! I would go nuts!

ETA: any time you want to visit, please let me know. I'd love to show you around town. We have many cool things here!

tomboy4good
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29 Sep 2011, 10:05 am

Grisha wrote:

AsteroidNap wrote:

MountainLaurel wrote:

As someone who live in L.A. as well, I concur with this assessment. Grisha, don't be too hard on yourself -- realize that a large component of your frustration comes from the LA area. I mentioned in a thread a while back my empirical evidence regarding this phenomena.

My work can take me away from LA for weeks at a time. When I'm away, doing nothing different mind you, I find the women much more interested in me. I even had one of those "Grisha moments" when a woman literally threw herself on me. That has never happened in
the ten years I've been in L.A.

Now you say the East Coast isn't workable because of family. How about San Diego? I've found it to lack the "LA effect" as well...not the East Coast, but perhaps logistically workable?

Well Grisha, as a formerly south OC resident, I'd say your biggest obstacle is living in the OC. It's over run with some of the most narrow-minded, stuck up, shallow people I've ever come across. I spent most of my childhood & adult life there after my parents settled in south OC in the late 60s from the SFV. Even they baled on me after they married me off (1st marriage/arranged). :-(

If you're different, you're out of luck! That's been my experience.

Sorry that you locked yourself into another 18 mos lease. I have just never found south OC to be particularly friendly...unless one happens to be NT (which I am clearly not). If I were you, I'd start checking out new digs somewhere else. At least you don't have to make any snap decisions, since you have 18 months to prepare.

I'm still in So Cal, but now living in the IE...not perfect, but a little less judgemental. Although, not so much on the job front. Been unemployed for some time, still looking but all the places I search might as well have signs saying Aspies Need Not Apply. :-(

Sucks to have AS in So Cal. I can sure feel your pain buddy.

I wish you luck!

Tomboy

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If I do something right, no one remembers. If I do something
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Aspie Score: 173/200, NT score 31/200: very likely an Aspie
5/18/11: New Aspie test: 72/72
DX: Anxiety plus ADHD/Aspergers: inconclusive

smudge
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29 Sep 2011, 4:44 pm

OK - I don't know you, but this bothers me. I would've thought a rich man would have to be confident enough to get to that position as a top cat. I don't understand why you don't attract women - I think some rich people have a certain walk/posture because they're not afraid. Do you look like a rich person? If you did, then maybe you'd get more admirers. Do you approach people? You must do. There must be girls out there who can kiss you better than that.

What job is it you do exactly?

Grisha
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29 Sep 2011, 5:01 pm

smudge wrote:

1. I'm not "rich", especially for my area, I just have an above average amount of disposable income.

2. There's not a chance in Hell that I would have gotten anywhere had I chosen to attempt to climb the corporate ladder.

I am a consultant and entrepreneur: I make most of my income by making Alpha Male corporate executives look clever, and I set my price quite high. I really don't give a
f*ck that they present my ideas as their own, I just want the money... :wink:

I also have some pharmaceutical intellectual property that I've licensed out - all I have to do is cash the checks when they come in.

I don't think that anyone seeing me walk down the street would realize that I make the US equivalent of over £100,000 each year (and growing).

That's the problem - many women seem to be so blinded by their own preconceived ideas about men based on their outward attitude and appearance. Then they complain when the actual guy turns out to be different than what they thought.

It works both ways: maybe that dork who doesn't "do" it for you would really surprise you if you gave him half a chance, but you'll never know because you already decided you knew
for sure what he was like...

The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Sep 2011, 5:22 pm

smudge wrote:

**ALARM ALARM***

;p

smudge
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29 Sep 2011, 5:26 pm

Grisha wrote:

That's the problem - many women seem to be so blinded by their own preconceived ideas about men based on their outward attitude and appearance. Then they complain when the actual guy turns out to be different than what they thought.

It works both ways: maybe that dork who doesn't "do" it for you would really surprise you if you gave him half a chance, but you'll never know because you already decided you knew
for sure what he was like...

Funnily enough, a lot of 'sensitive', dorky guys I *love*. But, I scare them off, because they're too sensitive, and moan/hint to me that they want a girlfriend, and I approach them, and they back off. Really. It's not like I'm in their face - they're just bloody sensitive and indecisive when it comes to relationships. And, they tend to be very judgemental and look down on those "less intelligent" than them. I've found this all too many times. I'd say I was above average in intelligence, but that's not the point. My point is most dorks I've met aren't very nice people, and they dislike people themselves.

My plan is to get myself an income of £40-50,000. Since love hasn't worked out for me (so far), and friendships don't last (though they are fun), I've decided to better myself to give myself some self-value. Was that the reason you chose to do what you do? Or did it just come about?

smudge
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29 Sep 2011, 5:31 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

smudge wrote:

**ALARM ALARM***

;p

LOL!! ! Glad to see I'm building on my reputation.

The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Sep 2011, 5:36 pm

^^ yea, keep it up, green-girl power!

Btw, Grisha told me once that he fancied you , but your views about how rich men are supposed to be walking gods with superhuman powers (even the rich men who've inherited their wealth??) has completely turned him off.

Smudge, you have screwed a HUGE fat opportunity.

The_Face_of_Boo
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