Red Flags on a man

Post Reply New Topic

If I infer anything, it's because someone else implied it.

inferred (past participle, past tense of infer) - Verb: To have deduced or concluded information from evidence and reasoning rather than from explicit statements.

implied (past participle, past tense of imply) - Verb: Strongly suggest the truth or existence of something not expressly stated.

As it was recently mentioned to SadAspy current policy is that if it doesnt include a clear attack to females(throwing insults in order to describe their behaviour...)and it doesnt attack any member in particular(you say some of the red flags and then mention like x member does)we are pretty much cool with it.

So men who lack money don't deserve relationships? I wonder if anyone would say the same thing about a woman who still lives at home.

Ok so in this economy, I went from 4k a month to roughly 1.5k for the last two years... I have been looking for a real job but my luck has been no bueno.

When asked what do you do for a living I say "a little of this and that.", which means-> I fix, sell, and service computer systems, do cam security management for a couple of small businesses, do server hosting, and repair and resell cars(and flooring occasionally.).

I help out with my niece 2-5 days a week.

I live with mommy and daddy and my sister(divorced.).

Red flags in guys: none.
If he creeps you out, or what not then trust your guts and don't excuse behavior you find disturbing.

I am too honest, if you put the boobies out I'll look once or twice, I have no photos in my wallet.

Bottom line just go with it. Life's complicated, too much grey to sweat the small stuff.

I usually just go by how I feel around someone, the only times that has not worked is when I get a negetive vibe from them and ignore it to try and be non-judgemental....so I trust that now. As for red flags can't really think of anything specific other than if I don't like being around someone I prefer not to be.

Hmmmm... all of you do have very good points but the word "creep" is what bothers me...

Do you think that we autistic/asperger people come across as "creepy" even though we aren't actually trying to be at all? And if that is the case, is there any way to counter that? It solely depends on what you mean as "creep" in your points of views, for me a creep is someone who stalks other people, never leaves them alone and constantly trying to keep in contact with them.

Fnord, if you want to post your list then you can, I agree with what you have said so far.

SadAspy, you do provide a good point, if it was the other way round (woman lives in with parents and man lives in his apartment) there would be no red flag, in that sense it is sexist but it isn't harmful, women are getting used to the idea that a man can still live with his parents like women now, I swear someone here posted about her relationship and that he lived at home with his parents while she lived in her own apartment.

Being very negative and having low self esteem.

Paranoia and caring too much what people think of them

Narrow mindness and very ignorant and unwilling to learn

Messy home

Saying "I am not going to change so I want to be accepted for who I am" because it indicates they will not alter their behavior around you or how they treat you so run when you hear this line out of their mouths.

Black and white thinking

Does drugs

Doesn't want kids (unless you don't want any either)

Has no job and sits at home and does nothing and refuses to find work because he would rather be home playing on his computer or video games

Says he wants their partner to work and support them so they wouldn't have to work or says wants a partner who has lot of money so they wouldn't have to work

Complains all the time

Has a history of violence

Has high sex drive and is very obsessed about sex

Thinks everything is "ret*d" they don't like

Calls gays fa***ts

Is very judgmental

Is quick to call people pedophiles just because of their childish interests or based on their avatars, or what music they listen to, or because they are adult babies who had sex with someone who is also an adult baby

Very hypocritical

Always tells their kids everything you said or did or what went on between you and him like it's their kids' business

Makes assumptions and acts like they are facts and won't listen when you correct them, especially when they make assumptions about your childhood or about you and won't listen when you correct them

Gets offended over anything you say or takes things the wrong way what you say

You have to keep your feelings bottled up because when you express them, your partner gets mad

Acts like you are ret*d because they feel like they are with a child than with an adult

Is full of excuses and refuses to do anything to help them self and ignores your advice

Will not let you have your own opinion and will argue with you and will not let you move onto another topic until you agree

You feel like the man wants to control you even if he doesn't do it psychically but it's done emotionally by making you feel guilty so you do what he wants for example, he might tell you you are self centered just because you want to go to bed and he wanted you to be up with him to spend time with him.

Questions your diagnoses and keeps telling you "that isn't (insert your condition here)" acting like you are supposed to have only one condition when you have others too

Refuses to understand your condition and will not read about it

Expects you to get used to it (regarding sensory issues)

Gets embarrassed by you (I don't mean sometimes or every now and then, I mean all the time)

Doesn't drive and you guys live somewhere where there is no public transportation

Plays mind games with you where they ask you a question and expects a certain answer out of you and will keep asking you until you give them the right answer they want to hear, then get pissed when you didn't give them the correct one

Gives you lot of anxiety

Does not like your quirks and has a problem with your obsessions and what you like

Does not like the things you do like reading at the table or playing your video game at the table or not socializing

Wants you to be NT

(Lot of this is based on my experience with my ex's and it didn't go well)

I just thought up of more based on my ex's


Always wants to know what you talked about on the phone to your parents

Tries and cuts you off with your friends who are male

Worries too much what people think of them

Refuses to save money and spends it whenever they have some but yet are struggling to live so they have to borrow money from their grandparents or parents or relatives

You keep talking to a brick wall (that's right because he doesn't listen)

He criticizes everything you do or eat or like

Buys what they can't afford because they don't want to live poor

Has inferior complex

Lack of motivation, is lazy and procrastinates

You have to be their mother because they act like a child

Is very critical

Is very private and doesn't want people to know a lot about their life

Doesn't like you not spending your money on fun stuff just because you don't have a job right now

Last edited by League_Girl on 04 Oct 2011, 4:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hmm... for me I think:

- a lack of motivation, laziness, and complete disinterest in self improvement/learning. A.k.a. they live and home and don't work, but they don't do anything with their time and don't have any plans or goals, or seem to be making any effort towards achieving anything. I would be more than happy to date somebody who was unemployed and lived at home if that person was a driven and motivated person, who was working towards something in their life (a.k.a. their job/home situation was outside of their control, or living at home was an arrangement that suited them and their parents anyway, or they were working towards a degree or trying to start their own business, or they were too sick to work, or something).

- Sexism, racism, homophobia, agism, etc. Basically discriminatory beliefs or language. Chauvinism = no no.

- Their interest in me seems to be solely based on my appearance: a.k.a. they constantly say things to me about how attractive I am, and seem super interested in me/say that they are really into me when they barely even know me as a person (a.k.a. we've had basically no in-depth conversations, and they don't really know the first thing about my personality, interests, values/beliefs, etc).

Continuing that thread: I ask "what do you like about me/why do you like me?" response: "you're beautiful." Me (probing further, trying to get some indication that they know something about me as a person): "But anything else?" response (basically, using different words): "I think you're really pretty."

Sorry, as you can tell, the above is a pet peeve of mine.

- won't take no for an answer, does not respect your boundaries

- makes you pay for things for them (not including things you voluntarily buy for them or meals you voluntarily shout them of your own free will of course) and doesn't pay you back.

- It's clear to you and must be clear to them you're not intellectually and/or mentally suited but they pursue you anyway (clearly they're only after one thing).

I would be interested in a red flags on women thread, so long as it wasn't "all women are shallow b*****s", personal attacks on female members of the forum, or any sort of complete generalizations and sexist attacks as hale_bopp said.

I don't have much experience so this will be a short list but:

He keeps finding excuses not to spend time with you (however, it might turn out he has genuine reasons for being busy so that's one that'd need to be discussed with him instead of making assumptions)

He hates your friends for no good reason or tries to isolate you from them

He deliberately does things he knows annoy or upset you

He has a history of being violent or verbally abusive to people.

Aaaand that's about all I can think of for now. As far as things like still living at home with parents go, I don't see a problem with that as long as he's not just doing it to be lazy. Problems with physical or mental health, not being able to actually find a job or house despite looking or feeling too anxious/scared about living independently are perfectly acceptable reasons to stay living with family in my opinion. Hell, it might even be a cultural thing or a tradition in their family that people stay living with their parents until they get married or something.

I have a feeling a lot of red flags for women would be the same or similar to red flags for men. I'm not sure what the liklihood of each gender being a golddigger is, but I've heard of male golddiggers before too so I think it's something you've got to be careful with no matter whether they're a man or a woman.

This can be caused by extreme depression. I think I know what you're trying to say though, non depressed people who don't care or want to blame others.

Here's some red flags for me:

- Extreme arrogance

- extremely timid guys - I don't want to be the one completely responsible for all happenings in our lives

-Any of the following: Has no interest in animals. Sees them as lesser beings. Hurts them. Has no respect for them. This is an *instant* no go danger zone for me. I do not even want these people as friends.

-Atheism (I know that sounds a bit much, but it seriously clashes with my view of life, the world and the people in it. Most of the atheists I know have a leaning towards money and materialism. Two more warning signs)

- Extreme sarcasm. Don't like the vibes radiated from these people.

- Warning signs of severe and often dangerous mental illness: Sociopaths, psychopaths, people who are truly dellusional and narssicists. Violent people. People not well in the head in regards to being pedos or other gross things.

Intimidated by strong or intelligent women

Why either way? I thought dilated pupils were a good sign that someone was attracted to you.

They can also be a sign of smoking illegal substances which is seen as a red flag by some people and is probably why Fnord posted it.

-Goes around telling his friends that stay at home fathers are "whimps" who can't take care of themselves.

-Negativly labels every female as a perfect equal to the last one that rejected him. *plays violin under an advanced telescope*

-Insults you on a personal level by shunning you and calling every littlest mood you have "PMS".

-Expects you to emotionaly connect with him, and not him with you.

-Expects some overblown check list be 100% fullfilled, and complains when you expect something from him.

- A SuperMan, he often wears a big red flag.