My ongoing efforts in self control and abstinence

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I've resolved a while back, to swear off dating, attempting to date, all of that nonsense, to better focus on my work as a filmmaker, and other passions, for running and for collecting vintage ball cards. Got sick of wasting energy and my brainpower and thought processes, and of course my money on such silly endeavors as relationships.

And you know what? It's getting easier!

This evening I went to see an author speak on her new book about President Garfield. My goal was to give the author a copy of my documentary on James Polk...a film that was a miserable failure, but one I keep trying to get out there, in the hopes something might be yielded from all the time I devoted to its creation, to get me one step closer to that goal of making THE MASTERPIECE for which I will be remembered!

I sat next to a cute girl, the only one in the audience, of mostly old people. I knew if I talked to her, she'd just assume I sat next to her because she was cute, and she'd judge me.

But thankfully I avoided this pitfall, avoided any urges, and kept my mind focused on the lecture, on my thoughts about history and how i was going to make a film as successful as this author's book! I said not a word to her, listened intently, avoided contact and instead read my copy of the author's book. Then I got it signed, and gave the author my film, who seem very pleased to receive it. Fingers crossed something may come of it, because my goal now is to work with people who are doing great things, so I can learn from them, and hopefully rise to greatness myself in my chosen field.

I went home, inspired, full of ideas of how to get closer to achieving my dream, and filled with confidence that I had resisted my animal urges, and avoided contact or speaking with someone who might propel me back into my absurd old habits of seeking companionship, and all that waste of time.

I am full of confidence that, ultimately, I do not need ANYONE. That the power to succeed is in my hands, that my happiness is my own, and on one else's. I reaffirmed my vow, my promise that I will devote my life to my work, to achieving love and admiration through the masterpieces I give the world, and to forget all other dubious human comforts.

I WILL continue to resist temptation, and focus all my energy to that goal. Tonight I discovered that I had the power, and I will achieve something MAJOR!

And to everyone else feeling powerless, strung along by uncaring women, or callous men, know this: you do NOT need them. Live for today, live for yourself, find your own place, and do not depend on others to find it for you! Happiness and satisfaction is ours for the taking!

You're a filmmaker who has sworn off all the bad stuff?

Not to be a dick, but the history of art suggests you're gonna make some terrible films.

Nice post, OP. I agree totally.

The great filmmakers, great artists were uncompomising, and put their work above all else. I'm merely cutting the fat and expediting the process by eliminating certain interferences. And I still live a rich full life with many parallel pursuits. I've just reached the conclusion that dating is a sheer waste of time and creative energy, and the rewards do not outweigh the risk. I have arrived at the conclusion that dating, companionship with the opposite sex is a diversion, a drug,a panacea, a painkiller, a distraction, and I cannot let those get in the way of my true purpose.

Make bad films? Possibly, but I'll keep trying and sooner or later I'll make my masterpiece. God willing it'll be sooner. Or I'll die trying. At least I'll know I did all I could, rather than think of what I COULD have done had I not wasted time and money and energy on silly, stupid pursuits like romance.

THANK YOU.

This is something I'm struggling with as well. If the choice is between being yourself and doing the work you're called to, or being fake and chasing distractions... well, the right choice seems self-evident to me. Hormones be damned.

It's encouraging to hear of an honest success story such as yours. I hope you are successful in your film-making.

Thanks, but I'm not a success yet. Hard to sa if I'll ever be. All I know. Is I've been a miserable failure, a loser at everything in my life. Then I found film, and suddenly I wasn't so bad. Whethr love of film tranlsates as having talent I don't know. All I can do is try til I die, and I must sacrifice everything else, to know I gave it my all.

Good for you for trying to achieve your dreams =)

Interesting choice in lifestyle. If you don't mind, do you allow time for platonic friends?

i always thought people sought companionship because they didn't want things to stop. as in to have children that would make sure there would be new children because we don't want life to stop.

Someone has never read Plato, Dickenson, or Lewis Carroll. Or studied Nikoli Tesla, Divinci, or Issac Newton, or listened to Morrissey.... Really, there have been plenty of asexual or celibate figures throughout history. It's astonishing that we know about any of them, since only religious celibacy has ever been given any social recognition, and marriage has not been optional for most people throughout human history.

Anyway how much debauchery does a fella need to meddle in, in order to make historic documentaries about Polk and such?

Exactly. Polk documentaries aren't known for their torrid love scenes.

Even with the Hemingway example, one of his most famous works is The Sun Also Rises. The story of an impotent man who distracts himself with his hobbies while trying to forget his interest in a woman. Someone not getting what they want can make for great fiction.

I WISH I could stop my urge to find my second half ! I want to, but still the back of my head is directing my attention to anything that could lead me anywhere with someone and I hate it
I've been hurt, and I've already had a relationship which was totally no-fun, and the chance of finding an interesting/interested person is so small, and then the effort you have to put into finding out and holding on, and the hearbreak, emotional struggle with yourself.. ouch..
True that it gives you insights into human behavior and hurt, and that's were most movies revolve around. If you want to make a movie for Aspie-like audience, then ok, you don't need to tell about human relationships.

still, without it, I don't know if I could focus on my work like I always say I should. I don't do it now, because I have more potentially interesting people to meet, but it never gets me nowhere in the end.