Very attractive girl says...All I had to do was wait...

Post Reply New Topic

First of all, what does all this hand-wringing about having it more difficult accomplish for males? How does it change anything? How does it improve your chances of getting dates? Does it make you feel better to 'know you have it worse'? Does it make you feel good when you feel like you've won an interwebs argument?

I sincerely don't get how this lamenting changes anything.

Also, am I the only guy here who feels it's an advantage being a male while dating? Yeah, I'm expected to pursue by cultural norms. I'd much prefer that than the cultural expectation for women to wait for Mr Right to ask them out. Then again, I'm a take-action sort of guy. Yeah, the AS makes it more difficult, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse. In fact, I embrace it (and have).

Agree with all this. I can talk about the challenges we face till the cows come home, the reality is, when looking at life and people objectively, everybody faces their own challenges, both individual and gender-based. I like to talk about it because it entertains me, but I try not to bemoan my lack of dating, as there are reasons that are within my control, so I'm just whining about stuff I can fix

Let us scale down the generalizations a little....

I'm a guy, and all I've ever had to do was wait. Admitedly, I've gone for years at a time without dating, but then I never really had a problem with that.

I think the bookish, shy sterotype works in my favor. I dunno. I just try to seem approchable by smiling at people when they talk to me but not creepy by not looking at or facing toward them when they aren't talking. I also managed to learn how to talk myself up without bragging or going into too much detail.

Women always ask you out when you aren't looking for it and least suspect it. I wouldn't even begin to know when to approch them if I had to do it. Totally counter intuitive.

This.

Noooo, dont write that! You will prove that both genders are equal, and in Love and Dating that is a major error. Everyone knows that women have it better, they are born with a bag of gold coins which grows bigger with each year. When women reach the age of 15, all they have to do is sit on a chaise lounge and eat grapes and wait while all the suitors line up outside the door, then they have to choose, and let their father beat up the hapless men who dont make the grade.

Ok, well you can write that. : )

It just makes me feel like I have been slapped in the face everytime I read or hear "how good women have it" and how we are "the privileged gender who sit around."

Not true at all, that's just your own experience.

Lol. I could understand that. The grass is always greener, and most of the people here are guys.

I won't argue though that I see a lot less complaining from men who marry ASDs than women who do. Those who prefer men seem to be a bit more accepted once they do find a mate. Luckies.

If its my experience, then wouldn't it be true?

There are two types of dating I guess.

The first, is the Hollywoodely dating type, where a guy asks out a girl that he knew recently. It happens in movies more often than reality, but it does happen, I've seen it. X visually likes Y, Y visually likes him back, X asks Y out, Y agrees.

The second dating happens in a such scenario : http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt173647.html. X and Y already knows each others very well, they passed a lot of time together in grouping setting. Typically X develops a crush for Y and vice versa, they're friends but both want more than that, X man-up and asks Y out for a non-group setting outing = a date....

So at a *certain point*, someone has to make a move, otherwise nothing will be changed.


So first dating type is a process to make 2 people know each others and know if they're compatible, so they answer to this question "are we compatible to each others?" , further dates would answer " is there any potential to love each others?"

The second dating type doesn't answer to question, because when it happens it has already answered a lot of questions, they both probably have already realized they're almost compatible, they both have realized that they like each others. So dating in this case is a type of rituals that says "We are becoming a couple".

The first type is more robotic, meaning that if it fails, both parties usually move on to the next date.

The second type has more attachment involved, if it fails, one of the parties would be seriously heartbroken, almost the same effect of breaking up.


Now back to the male vs female debate, in both scenarios, it's the male who is socially expected to be X and initiates the first move .

It's true, but not universally true.

Not true at all in New Zealand. In fact things are done *very* casually here, with a beer or wine, a couch with dvds, meeting in someones backyard, or chatting to the friend of a friend while waiting for the takeaway food to cook, or perhaps at breakfast after a night out.

Huh, what planet is that New Zealand?

So a "Break-even" doesn't exist there? No moment of truth? No a 'confession moment' has to be made?

So guys and girls in NZ wake up the next morning and find themselves having bfs/gfs after a casual BBQ or dvd night? You do realize that I was talking about casual social event in the second scenario before something more serious has to occur (X asks Y out or X tells Y he likes her--> the Break-even moment), no?




hmmm....


**Boo in NZ waking up at the morning and find a naked girl sleeping at his chest**

Her: Good morning.
Me: um? ....what's your name again?
Her: I am Liz , your friend's friend and now your gf? we've been drinking beer and watching dvds last night
Me: Aha, yea....I recall you now.

Apparently this thread aged fast.

My thought: every long-term single on here has their own battery of problems and their own amount of mileage that any bit of advise could give them. There's be no way for it not to have some annoying aspects even if it were one of the most world-renowned relationship coaches volunteering their time.

I kinda cringed when I first started seeing these headers because I wondered if Kristin really had an idea of what she was in for but... I suppose its a little late for that now.

It clearly doesn't. I even wondered the same thing myself when I'd post in Love in Dating. Seeing the disgusted sentiment from both sides, and neither side refusing to have an understanding, I've since learned to stay away from that topic. Like I said, the ones who get it do, the ones who don't never will. I guess just seeing what Kirsten wrote prompted me to give my two cents, which of course would be criticized like hell.

Yes. That is sort of what happens, or variations of. I once ended up with a boyfriend because I was drunk at a pub crawl at uni and sat on the lap of a cute guy in my science class.

An example: when I was in high school there was no "dating" as such. What would happen is that a guy would approach the girl he liked and he would say "Do you want to go out with me?" and if the girl said yes, they would be instantly boyfriend and girlfriend.

No dates needed. They wouldnt actually go "out" anywhere, it was just an expression. Though they might go to the movies or whatever but that would be just to see a movie, not a date as you are already an item.

I remember I used to see American movies where they went on dates and that seemed kind of odd to me because that is not what happened when I was growing up. It seemed really formal...

There is dating in New Zealand now though. I dont really like the whole dating thing myself, it is really awkward, it is much better to just meet a lot of people and then just start seeing somebody.