I have never met an Aspie girlie

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I wouldn't know how to spot them. I don't really have "Aspie-dar", like some other people claim.

You seem to have missed the point of everyone's posts OP, congratulations.

I don't understand.

There were 2 people out there who told me that they don't think I am on the spectrum. They seemed to believe that I just wanted to be perceived as special. That really bothered me because I am very adamant about telling the truth to others. Presenting myself truthfully, openly, and honestly is very important to me. And what they perceived is not true at all, because I, on the contrary, very much want to fit in and not stand out from the crowd. If my neurology allowed me to fit in, I would gladly do so. This desire to fit in is what draws me into the autistic community in first place - here, I feel more like an equal, which is a very satisfying feeling I am honestly addicted to.

So then I started hanging out with older NTs and never told them about my diagnosis. I asked a few if they thought there was something different about me (albeit very indirectly). They said yes. I then asked what they thought it, if it's a psychiatric label. They told me that it seems like Asperger's/HFA/Mild Asperger's.

Weird, isn't it?

that's a strange topic. to me it seems that it's just his intention to grab some girls with a mental disorder.
wow, isn't that erotic? a cry of desperation maybe? "I'm desperated. I'm an autist--> autism=desperation--->Girls with autism are a safe bet"
similarities are not always desireable, I wouldn't really long for a person that's as egocentric and unfriendly as me.^^
fact is, that only AS doesn't really cause similarities.
the other thing:
Isn't it damned hypochondriacal to quarrel about who has a disorder and who not?
I mean... has this disorder to everybody here really that much prestige, is it that important to you all?
important enough to challenge each other about it? That's what happens if people grow pride for each single entity they have. And enourmous pride if it is something not everybody has. That shows only how normal most aspergians really are. They just obsess over it.

You should become a little less mental and a little more yourself! (in your opinion about yourself)

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I think the offensive thing here is more being accused of lying or faking to get attention.

Personally I would much rather not have it - it would make my life easier.

But, I don't know about anyone else, but being accused of lying is something guaranteed to make me melt down every time. Because I don't.

I don't know for sure if I have this condition. I just know that I've always been perceived as odd, different, and that when I read things about Aspergers it rang enough bells in me - "I do that, I think that," to lead me to take the test, which seems to indicate that I either have Aspergers, or something that manifests similarities to Aspergers.

I am going to try to get a diagnosis. I don't know how easy that will be as an adult. But my husband won't consider changing the way he deals with me unless I have a proper medical diagnosis and he has already warned me that I am not allowed to use it as an excuse.

I think he is going through a little bit of denial, so I'm cutting him some slack, even though his attitude is causing me some distress.

well, in fact it doesn't even matter what exactly you have, if you know you are different and you know the aspects of you which are different you won't need a name for it, will you? the name that describes yourself the best is the name your parents gave you.
and those things won't need an excuse called AS. it's you. The diagnosis would do nothing but focus your mind on it to make it even harder to work on your "weak" aspects. Even if you have the diagnosis, be always clear about that you can of course change, and if you haven't got it make clear that it's your personal character that everybody has to respect. One of my personal slogans is : Treat everything as a matter of course!

It's the same about politics, one single human is too different from all the others to be squeezed into a system.
Someone found out that there is a bandwidth of things which can together be called autism... This phantom is meant to give
some people an evidence, an evidence that their way of being different is ok... Sounds cruel to me.
Treat the way you are as a matter of course, don't worry about nothing, don't doubt your difference because you haven't got a diagnosis- you know yourself, you sensate yourself, who else but you should know it if your sensation isn't too disturbed?
treat yourself as a matter of course and everybody else will do the same.

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Your post makes a lot of sense and it resounds with something I have been thinking about since I took the test.

I have a collection of odd behaviours, which is me - it's just the way I am. I've always been this way.

But someone has decided that this odd collection of behaviours can be called Asperger's Syndrome

Question is: Now that I know that, do I relax into being myself and say "It's OK for me to do xyz because it's just my Aspergers and you all just have to accept it," OR do I continue to try to fit in to what other people accept as normal, which I've tried to do all my life, but always failed at?

Will I ever be able to learn to fake it? Should I even try any more?

The most important thing for me right now is that other people understand that when I don't do something, eg pick up hints, it's not just me being deliberately obtuse, it's because I just don't get the hints, and THEY have to learn to be direct with me.

I won't be changing but other people might have to.

You know, the right way is to just not expect that much from others and thinking rational.
What I mean is, you have to be direct. If another person makes gestures or says something that could maybe be sarcastic you'd just ask and don't feel ashamed for it. It's not obvious if it isn't spoken clearly so you are totally right to ensure yourself by asking.
there is no need of trying to fit in, and there is also no need to justify anything. just as I said, treat your questions as a matter of course. They are, and it's not even that strange, the strange appearance would be made of a silent and misunderstanding behaviour that will be the case if you can't follow the otherones composition of words and gestures.
The rational way is anyway the most effective one, not only for autists. But since autists are perfectly able to think and behave this way it can be a great advantage. You express what you think directly without worrying how others reactions could be and you expect to receive the information others have to give you in exactly the same way, and they will act the same way if they see that you do it so. In the worst case it would be considered as cold.
But it totally works out.

once again: the only thing you have to do is being direct and rational yourself if you have to socialise. Since you wouldn't understand the unimportant gesture anyway nothing will be lost if you eliminate this aspect of communication.
And it once again leads to the conclusion that you only have to consider anything you are, anything you don't know etc. as a matter of course.
That's exactly my way of life and works out perfectly! It's another kind of self confidence that leads to a productive social life!

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Autism is not a mental illness. It is a developmental disorder. As is Aspergers.