Janissy wrote:
vilin66 wrote:
[. If a guy has to change himself for women, surely women should have to change too. One gender shouldn't have all the power. That's what I'm against. One gender holding all the cards, and gender roles.
Most women today wouldn't like it if neither gender (theirs) had all the dating and mating power.
When women were not allowed to support themselves (for the most part), men had all the power. That has changed and women now have the option of supportingthemselves and opting to remain alone rather than being forced into a marriage they don't want for financial reasons. So things are more even now (in some societies) than they used to be. Now people can choose to pursue relationships or to remain single.
However, anybody who chooses to pursue relationships will probably have to change some things about themselves, men and women both. It might be small things, such as changing venue (getting out to new and different places) or changing interaction style. It might be huge changes that can require therapy, such as getting treatment or depression or learning to not fear commitment. But finding and staying with another person will always require some adjustments. If nothing else, you suddenly have to take another person's feelings into consideration 24/7 and re-work your own life accordingly. That can be a really tough one for a lot of people.
What nobody has to do is change into being attracted to people they aren't attracted to. I preach the mantra of 'change your expectations' and that works to a certain extent. But only if you can find a way towards being actually attracted to the people who might want to date you. Forcing yourself to go out with somebody because "that's all you can get" just leads to misery. I think this is a place where NTs have an advantage over Aspies and why the "change your expectations" advice can sound so meaningless. NTs have an easier time changing, at least that's how it seems. Change, for NTs, is not as painful and for many it is exhilerating. But even so, there is a poster here (MetalAspie?) who managed to entirely re-invent himself and is enjoying dating success. So it must be possible. There is another poster (Aspie1, I think, it was awhile ago) who succeeded in changing his expectations and discovered happiness with plain and ugly women. That's a neat trick if you can do it. Not everybody can. But he did and improved his life. It's way back in the archives.
Women won't change into being attracted to you just for fairness. That doesn't really make any sense. Women will change things about themselves to make themselves for attractive to a man they want. If you want to be that man, you must change things about yourself too. Otherwise it is other men they will be changing for.
There are people who say, "I'd rather stay single forever than change myself". Ok. That's an option too. But re-invention is not the only type of change. Making the decision to go out more, even in the exact same clothes and with the exact same personal ways, is also change.
Go in the archives and read MetalAspuie and Nick007's posts. They have had success. Learn from their stories.
Again, you say plain, ugly women. As if the reason a guy can't find a woman is because he has too high standards. This isn't true, because there are guys that look for ugly women and can't even find one because those same ugly women still hold the dating and mating power. ALL woman do. No matter what. You are missing the point, just like everyone else. Most of the guys struggling with this are not going after these super models Just AVERAGE women. And ugly ones too. And they can't even get one of THOSE women to compromise. So if the guy does his part to make himself attractive, but every woman in his country rejects him, who's fault is it? I say it's the women. Women like you tell us to go after average and ugly women, but what if even women in those categories reject you?
how is a "loser" defined? how is attractive defined? how is unattractive defined? what is considered "loser"? the people who fuel all the stereotypes out there, bred by the media and MTV, or the people who negate them and prove them wrong?
who's the real loser, the decent human being guy with good looks and a good personality who gets rejected by jessica because he's unemployed at 23, or 28 year old unemployed overweight jessica herself?
Does every male have his life figured out at 20? 30? Is every young male an entrepaneur? born from a rich family? born with good looks? born with social graces? what is "normal"?
what's considered "normal" and "good" in today's society is all artifical, fake
good is evil, and evil is good these days.
being honest gets you nowhere, being dishonest gets you nowhere either! in the end.......
what's considered good enough today for the modern female?
I don't mean to be harsh about this, because I can guarantee every guy will realize this stuff at some point in his life. There is a serious issue going on in society today with the dating scene and relationships and attraction. I'm sorry you disagree and can't see where I am coming from.
I'm one of those guys who's had no opportunities at all in the love department in life yet, I also know several in the same situation. We realize our own problems. But we know it's not only us. There's alot more to it, and I will continue to speak about it whenever I can.
31 Oct 2011, 3:18 pm
