the biggest mistake i see people make

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

minervx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155
Location: United States

02 Nov 2011, 6:46 am

they don't dispose of bad apples early.

they pursue something that doesn't exist, and end up wasting their time.

if theres fundamentally something wrong, its best to end it and move on.

rather than wait a year for an explosive break up that crushes your heart.



Wolfheart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,971
Location: Kent, England

02 Nov 2011, 10:04 am

minervx wrote:
they don't dispose of bad apples early.

they pursue something that doesn't exist, and end up wasting their time.

if theres fundamentally something wrong, its best to end it and move on.

rather than wait a year for an explosive break up that crushes your heart.


Never a truer word spoken, I've seen friends in this position before, it's like they are heading for a broken highway but they are oblivious of the stop signs. Another saying I like is "Don't put all your eggs in one basket". In other words, don't let your happiness depend on the outcome of your expectations on some relationship or bond, enjoy it for what it is and move on if it becomes unhealthy and detrimental.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,165
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

02 Nov 2011, 10:55 am

Do you have a gf, OP?
How's your sex life?



Vigilans
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,181
Location: Montreal

02 Nov 2011, 10:58 am

minervx, you're absolutely right. Its interesting you posted this thread as lately I have been the emotional support for a good friend who has been going through a rough relationship that recently ended rather hideously. I've been telling him essentially what you wrote up there but unfortunately not everyone has the willpower to just leave a situation before it gets ugly


_________________
Opportunities multiply as they are seized. -Sun Tzu
Nature creates few men brave, industry and training makes many -Machiavelli
You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do


monkees4va
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 379
Location: Scotland

02 Nov 2011, 1:50 pm

Hear hear!
Too often I see this happening.


_________________
I'm a girl people!
"Do or do not; there is no try." -Yoda
Your Aspie score: 157 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 65 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

02 Nov 2011, 7:14 pm

Vigilans wrote:
minervx, you're absolutely right. Its interesting you posted this thread as lately I have been the emotional support for a good friend who has been going through a rough relationship that recently ended rather hideously. I've been telling him essentially what you wrote up there but unfortunately not everyone has the willpower to just leave a situation before it gets ugly



Well said.



jxiong
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 20

03 Nov 2011, 12:29 am

i have done some or maybe lot of biggest mistake but i can't remember all of them


_________________
Hello I Am Autistic Look It My Drawing Rawa
Image


Comp_Geek_573
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 699

03 Nov 2011, 12:48 am

I think lots of people feel like they HAVE to be in a relationship. Or else they just want sex. And they often feel like there's a minimum amount of sex that they need to have.

This is why they jump into relationships without really determing compatibility - or else pretending to be interested in someone as a person when in fact it's purely sexual interest.

True love takes time and cannot be rushed. For almost everyone - not just Aspies - this takes YEARS. It may even take decades. It's hard to get used to the idea of being single for years at a time, but it IS better than being in an unhappy relationship. I guess I should be thankful that I'm incapable of faking interest and jumping into relationships with random people.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 98 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ: 33


Shebakoby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,759

03 Nov 2011, 2:19 am

Neurotypicals, at least that I can tell, have this need to "fix" what is "broken". This is part of why some women stay in abusive relationships; at first, they were determined to fix the 'bad boy' that they'd become smitten with.

I have no desire to fix what is broken, nor do I believe it is possible anyway.



Freak-Z
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 14 Mar 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 299
Location: Scotland

03 Nov 2011, 2:43 am

bad apples taste funny.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,730
Location: the island of defective toy santas

03 Nov 2011, 3:15 am

i'm thankful i'm not in a bad relationship but i'm not thankful that i've never been in a good relationship.



Shebakoby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,759

03 Nov 2011, 3:18 am

also haha nobody wants to fix me! I guess I should be thankful...



Vigilans
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,181
Location: Montreal

04 Nov 2011, 1:49 am

HopefulRomantic wrote:
Vigilans wrote:
minervx, you're absolutely right. Its interesting you posted this thread as lately I have been the emotional support for a good friend who has been going through a rough relationship that recently ended rather hideously. I've been telling him essentially what you wrote up there but unfortunately not everyone has the willpower to just leave a situation before it gets ugly



Well said.


Thank you :)

It also occurs to me that it is not always obvious to the person going through it that things are not great, and that it would be a better for both people to move on. Though most breakups are not mutual because most people don't usually do this as they want to try and salvage things, thinking it may still be possible, despite what may be irreconcilable differences. This leads to the "ugly" breakup... Myself I went through this recently. I recall occasionally mentioning my previous relationship in a very positive manner here, months ago. In truth I don't think I was really very happy at that time and I couldn't see it was because things were not working from my end, having started to lose interest and attraction in her for a number of reasons. When we finally did end our relationship a few months back it was not an acrimonious breakup but we are not really speaking anymore, which has been weird, considering I spoke to her every day for years... :( I am over her but I had hoped to keep in touch. Anyways, I digress. It did not take me long to realize that I should have ended things much earlier, maybe even a year ago... Our relationship might not have turned to the current estrangement it has now. But who knows. Its best to be mindful of your feelings, honest about the situation, always considering the long term and whether you can picture a future with them


_________________
Opportunities multiply as they are seized. -Sun Tzu
Nature creates few men brave, industry and training makes many -Machiavelli
You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do