Hugh problem with men
Alrighty then, Thank you.
_________________
"If a little dreaming is dangerous. The answer isn't to dream less but to dream more."
The tv-series "Medium" commercial
If I could I would still play horse in the garden and jump kneehigh fences. It's just that it is not socialy accepted to do that in my age.
My problem with men feels overwhelming and impossible to overcome. But it is not just men. I lack in every social skill possible.
I sometimes wish I never went through puberty at all. I blame puberty for all my problems. That's unfair because that is like blaming the sky for raining.
I also went through a period were I made myself become a sexual object to all men interested. I did everything to get the attention I so desperetly wanted at that time. But it just got to be a visious circle. I got attention but the wrong type of attention. To this day I desperetly want to be acknowledged. I guess I just want to bee seen. I am always invisible.
Well, you've got some social skills as you are doing a good job on here at least. And you are being seen and heard on here, far short of in person I understand, but you aren't totally alone. Also sounds like you made some sound changes as you refer to setting yourself out there as a sexual object as something in the past tense.
I COMPLETELY understand the puberty comment and related feelings. I remember a point in my life before puberty where I was exploring the natural world and women/sex weren't an interest, concern, or borderline addiction. I even remember a point after puberty where I had figured out the self release thing pretty well and had things fairly set. I've said on more than one occasion in discussing life "and then I started dating (aka any relationships) and life went to hell". So there is an attraction to a less cluttered clearer time, but those memories are always there, so for me, I try and use them to give me strength when needed and focus on handling "now".
Perhaps, but could she have made her feelings known in a less frenzied and over-the-top manner? Simply calm and controlled? Though I agree that it's not generally the best idea for a budding young girl to be hanging around in a men's changing room, if only because it'll freak the guys out.
if being with someone is what you desire, i think the best way is to try to make it happen.
you are shy around guys. the reasons behind it really arent important in the grand scheme of things. what i mean by this is, if you find the right guy (theres many 'mr rights' living near you), he wont push you into anything and he wont make you uncomfortable at all. he'll make you feel like you can be yourself and it doesnt matter if you are a little quirky, or rough around the edges.
the best thing you can possibly do is try. this means whenever you leave the house, try to dress yourself up a little bit. wear adequate makeup (but dont overdo it!). ask a professional for help if you need help with this. usually theres makeup counters at malls scattered about where they can help you with this kind of thing (if its even an issue at all XD).
when you see a guy (EVEN IF YOU ARENT INTERESTED IN HIM), try to talk to him. the more you talk to guys the less scary it will be to do so.
who knows, maybe the first few times at the end of the conversation he'll think you're bonkers, but thats not the point. eventually, with time and practice, you'll get better and better at it. sooner or later you'll be a natural, able to talk to guys without a lot of fear / shyness / and that awkward feeling.
learn how to flirt! search up google (GOOGLE KNOWS ALL!) for tips on flirting.
the most simple tutorial i can give you on flirting is as follows:
1.) eye contact. try to hold a gaze at the guy you like with a few seconds (3 seconds), then look away. if you look back a few times and see hes looking at you, look into his eyes for another 3 seconds every time. if this keeps up, it means he might be interested in you too (and hopefully he'll have the testicular fortitude to talk to you, but you might have to talk to him XD).
2.) SMILE! this is probably the most important thing of them all. try to keep your teeth clean and as white as possible, and SMILE a TON. obviously dont overdo it with this, but smile a LOT.
3.) laugh at any and all of his lame jokes he makes.
4.) listen attentively, and ask questions / be engaging about what he talks about. example: "bahh my football team lost to the beavers this year, those guys are terrible!" then you ask "why are they so bad?" etc. etc.
the main thing is be open. if you are always closed off to the possibility of being with someone because you are super shy and super worried, potential 'mr rights' will fly right past you without you even knowing they found you attractive / interesting.
ONE THING THOUGH. you have to BE CAREFUL about guys. i know your mom was telling you this and its the cause of a lot of your anxiety, but its very true. some guys are only out for sex, and will do anything to make that happen, even if its dealing with your awkwardness. i might consider waiting for ~3 weeks (or more) before i had sex if i was you, just to make sure they were genuinely interested in you, and not just trying to get in your pants. not all guys are like this, but many are, so be cautious, but optimistic.
hope this helps
If I could I would still play horse in the garden and jump kneehigh fences. It's just that it is not socialy accepted to do that in my age.
My problem with men feels overwhelming and impossible to overcome. But it is not just men. I lack in every social skill possible.
I sometimes wish I never went through puberty at all. I blame puberty for all my problems. That's unfair because that is like blaming the sky for raining.
I also went through a period were I made myself become a sexual object to all men interested. I did everything to get the attention I so desperetly wanted at that time. But it just got to be a visious circle. I got attention but the wrong type of attention. To this day I desperetly want to be acknowledged. I guess I just want to bee seen. I am always invisible.
Well, you've got some social skills as you are doing a good job on here at least. And you are being seen and heard on here, far short of in person I understand, but you aren't totally alone. Also sounds like you made some sound changes as you refer to setting yourself out there as a sexual object as something in the past tense.
I COMPLETELY understand the puberty comment and related feelings. I remember a point in my life before puberty where I was exploring the natural world and women/sex weren't an interest, concern, or borderline addiction. I even remember a point after puberty where I had figured out the self release thing pretty well and had things fairly set. I've said on more than one occasion in discussing life "and then I started dating (aka any relationships) and life went to hell". So there is an attraction to a less cluttered clearer time, but those memories are always there, so for me, I try and use them to give me strength when needed and focus on handling "now".
I've made my share of misstakes.
Once I even tried to force myself to fall in love with a person who only used me for his own purpuses. To use force to try to forget someone is just wrong. I were still in love with guy number one when I tried to force myself on guy number two. Some memories are ment to last.
I tend to live in the past to much. I really want to live in the now. I just don't know how... yet.
_________________
"If a little dreaming is dangerous. The answer isn't to dream less but to dream more."
The tv-series "Medium" commercial
I thought the thread was going to be about Hugh Grant.
If my discussion were to be about a man called "Hugh" It would be about Hugh Jackman.
_________________
"If a little dreaming is dangerous. The answer isn't to dream less but to dream more."
The tv-series "Medium" commercial
the best thing you can possibly do is try. this means whenever you leave the house, try to dress yourself up a little bit. wear adequate makeup (but dont overdo it!). ask a professional for help if you need help with this. usually theres makeup counters at malls scattered about where they can help you with this kind of thing (if its even an issue at all XD).
when you see a guy (EVEN IF YOU ARENT INTERESTED IN HIM), try to talk to him. the more you talk to guys the less scary it will be to do so.
who knows, maybe the first few times at the end of the conversation he'll think you're bonkers, but thats not the point. eventually, with time and practice, you'll get better and better at it. sooner or later you'll be a natural, able to talk to guys without a lot of fear / shyness / and that awkward feeling.
the main thing is be open. if you are always closed off to the possibility of being with someone because you are super shy and super worried, potential 'mr rights' will fly right past you without you even knowing they found you attractive / interesting.
ONE THING THOUGH. you have to BE CAREFUL about guys. i know your mom was telling you this and its the cause of a lot of your anxiety, but its very true. some guys are only out for sex, and will do anything to make that happen, even if its dealing with your awkwardness. i might consider waiting for ~3 weeks (or more) before i had sex if i was you, just to make sure they were genuinely interested in you, and not just trying to get in your pants. not all guys are like this, but many are, so be cautious, but optimistic.
hope this helps
Thanx for the nice tips.
I am totally honest when I say that I only talk to men when I'm at work. And only about work-related things.
I live in a very little village with few guys my own age. And it doesn't matter wether its a girl or a guy i just can't talk to them. I never know what to say. The only time I seem to "work" in a conversation is when it is purely professional. (I answer direct questions and the other just listens that is.) I don't know how to lern to know another person. I hate to ask a thousand questions just to get someone to talk to me. And I never seem to know what to ask.
When I go out I mostly just put on mascara and a comfy outfit. Like huge pants and an even huger swetter. I like baggy clothes. You could say that I dress like a guy most of the times.
Sure I can dress like a girl sometimes. But I just go to far and takes it to the extreme and it feels like cosplay.
I just feel like a lost case in the relationship question. I do NOT work well with others.
_________________
"If a little dreaming is dangerous. The answer isn't to dream less but to dream more."
The tv-series "Medium" commercial
Dating at work can be stressful.
Usually the woman is the more socially adept in the situation, and the guy is stammering around and trying to think of what to say.
So practice with girls. Low stress. Easy. See how they do it.
As an added bonus, that gives you friends you can talk to about your guy stuff. Maybe even set you up with someone.
Dating web sites are a nifty resource. It helps you build the conversational tree in your mind.
1) How do I start a conversation with a complete stranger
2) What are superficial things I can talk about
3) How long do I wait before building to deeper conversation
Hey, you're cool at work. And your dating life... that's rather open ended.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
AI's solution to the 'Cocktail Party Problem' |
06 Sep 2024, 11:36 pm |
The problem of the Alternative for Germany Party |
02 Sep 2024, 2:08 am |
ShoeOnHead: "Why Are Men Moving Right?” | The Man Problem |
23 Nov 2024, 11:16 pm |
The problem of the North Carolina Republican nominee |
20 Sep 2024, 10:33 pm |