I'm tired of this s**t!

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You need to stop blaming yourself and start realizing that there's more to life than being perfect and the sooner you stop setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, the sooner you'll be a happier and healthier person with a better mindset and outlook. You need to realize the positive in your life and start to show gratitude everyday, you need to stop letting negativity define who you are, there's more to you than your flaws. You'd really benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I'm going to post a list of cognitive distortions and I'm sure you'll instantly associate with a few and hopefully realize what you need to fix in your mindset.

I do think you're eloquent. I can't help it. I don't like the content of what you say, but that's another matter.

Wow MR20. I'm blown away and hopefully you are too. You have really evoked a great deal of care and compassion from many people here. Take that as a testament to your ability to write and express yourself well. There are many on this site that only hope to get the number of responses you have and don't, so let that be a sign that people do care and they have invested themselves in you. They have given you the most precious resources they have and that is their time, their wisdom and experience, and their support. People are pulling for you here. No one wants to see you fail or hurt you. There's not a person on here who isn't trying desperately to find that magical piece of advice or that one idea to impart to you that might be the one thing that inspires or motivates you to see all the possibilities that are right there in front of you.

Wolfeheart and so many others are so right. It's about choices and coming to the full realization that so often we are our own worst enemies. It's a futile existence when we make the choice to wallow in self-defeating thoughts. Staying stuck in misery is a choice you have the right to make, or you can take the advice you've sought and go from there with the best attitude you can possibly muster up. Even if you have a lousy day it's not the end of hope and possibilities, so don't give up!

Depression and anger all come from a place of feeling helpless, powerless and frustrated. Clearly you're tired, deeply discouraged and don't know where to turn so it's put you in a sort of paralysis, which has wrongly tricked you into believing you're unable to accomplish anything. Then the cycle of self-hatred and feeling worthless and defeated goes round again and again leaving you feeling more and more hopeless. The fact is you write really well. Look at the responses you've received. You evoked feeling and compassion from complete strangers with your thoughts....your written words! You made people care about you and take an interest. Don't overlook the value you have and the contributions you can make because it's right here in front of you staring you in the face.

Don't think of the outcome good or bad! Just do SOMETHING, or ANYTHING positive for yourself today. Stay in the moment and don't think too far ahead. One tiny step at a time. If all you can bring yourself to do today is just brush your teeth or take a shower than do it. After you've done something good for yourself don't ignore the accomplishment. Give yourself credit for the effort and following through. The decision and the power is yours to do what you want every day! Clearly you haven't lost all hope yet or you wouldn't be here talking and connecting with us. That's a very good thing. No matter how much anyone loves you or wishes they could do it for you they simply can't! We all have free will. You can do this, you just have to be willing to take one step and then another each day. It doesn't ake a lot just a little effort until you began to see some small changes and improvements. No matter how you feel, decide to do one thing today. ONE THING! Don't think about the outcome or how it's gonna make you feel, just do it. Move around.

We all care and we're all pulling fot you or we wouldn't be here. Most of us have been where you are and if you get nothing else from our words of encouragement try to remember your purpose could be show the next guy that he can do it too because you did. You very well might be the example or the inspiration the next guy needs.

I want to apologize to the people on this thread for the really long post. MR20 has made all of us care about his situation more than he knows and I think we all just want to see him make it over the first few hurdles so he will see he CAN improve his life one choice at a time. It makes me sad to see when someone feels so hopeless. If they could see down the road, how much better their lives would be if only for the one or two good choices they make today. Lets all hope we'll see a post in the next few days stating that he did something good for himself so we can all congratulate him and encourage him to try again.

We tried SO hard to make him do it but he wont. Pretty sure his next post will be whining about how bad he has it and how you are insulting him. Which you aren`t but he likes attention and everything for attention, right?

Wow, you guys are jerks. Aspies are inclined to self-loathe and sometimes want a pity party. If you're tired of giving this guy advice, then stop replying to his threads. Maybe this is his way of trying to make himself feel better because he's lonely? I agree that that he should take the advice but you can't shove it down somebody's throat either. Give him advice, if he doesn't take it, move on but don't make him feel like crap just because he's letting out some angst. If it helps him, let him vent, why the f**k not. Oftentimes when people come from poverty, they can feel a lot more hopeless than someone who can afford to get themselves out of their rut. Being poor means you have to struggle 100x more than others. It can be done, but it will require all of the strength that he might not even have.

I will simply repeat my previous advice in a less verbose message:

1- Improve on your personal hygiene;
2- Find a job (don't worry if it is an undesirable job: I worked at a supermarket for more than a year and, although it was very stressful at times, it made me a much more reliable and slightly more sociable person);
3- After some time, you will probably decide on what you want to do with your life. This is the perfect time to go to college or whatever it is that will set you on the path to success.

At least it is working like that for me. I do not know if it will be the same with you, but it surely will not do any harm to try.

Of course, I know you will simply disregard what I said with an unconvincing excuse (such as "I am not capable of getting a job/taking a bath/doing something with my life"), as you have done before, but I expect you to someday, after reading so many similar replies, follow our advice.

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No one needs to be perfect, some people strive for perfection but being perfect is impossible.

You do set unrealistic expectations for yourself, you think all your problems can be solved by being less ugly or less weird but thats not true. To solve your problems you have to take small steps. It will require time, patience and perseverance.

If you gave up on everything, why are you posting here whining about them? If you gave up you won`t care, but you obviously care! So you haven`t given up.

You also stated that there are no positive sides to you, but there are. I can point one out easily! Your writing is very easy to read and easily understandable! Even for someone who doesn`t have English as his mother-tongue. Maybe you should try writing a book about your everyday struggles and try to sell it. (Yes people will read it)

You may think that you have it much harder then me but nothing is less true. Me and my mother are living in a huge debt and she suffers from various mood disorders so my life can be hell sometimes. Just like you do i not have friends or a girlfriend, i`ve never been on a date!

Me, just like you has no remarkable "features". I maybe the top student, but the school i`m on is one of the lowest levels of education in the Netherlands.

There isn`t much things that are pretty big that you can (realistically) achieve on or before your age (25)

Really not all hope is lost yet, all it requires is you manning up and take that first step, it all becomes easier from there. I`m even willing to somewhat guide you.

(BTW: Don`t mind my grammar is 4:30AM where i am and i`m dead tired. Also don`t expect a reply soon cus i`m sleeping)

1. People go to college to get educated.
2. There are all types of people in college. In fact a good chunk are on the spectrum.
3. Some people at college have a bunch of friends and are there for the social aspect, others have few, if any friends and are there for the educational aspect.
4. The whole time I was in college I never once "hooked up", nor did I attend any parties.

I don't think you are as dumb or hopeless as you would like to think you are. I think you are just afraid of failure. Or, maybe you are also afraid of success. What if you took a shower, put some clean clothes on, and went out there to a club or an event one day, or a place you had never been to and had always wanted to see? What if you enrolled in a class at a community college and you did well and you liked it? What are you afraid of?

He also has a habit of being downright insulting toward those who are trying to help him.

I'm sure if you devoted your time to learning a skill and put some adverts around, you'd certainly find some work or a trade that you enjoy. I know you may never be a rocket scientist but you're certainly a capable young man and I'm sure you could make a decent living for yourself and perhaps even run your own business but you won't reach that goal unless you start believing in yourself. Nobody is perfect, do you think people are going to care about your faults as long as you do a good job? Do you think people are going to instantly know all of your insecurities and faults? They certainly won't as much, you notice it more than anyone else.

Anyway here's a quote that I felt inspired me.
"“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt

Last edited by Wolfheart on 20 Nov 2011, 5:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

MR20 the place you live, do you own, rent or are you guys squatters?

Do you have any of these things: electricity, natural gas, heating oil or pressurized water. How many hours a day do you have these things?
Are you hooked up to a sewer system or septic tank?
Do you have a bath tub?
Do you have a shower?
Do you have a hot water heater, what kind of heater is it?

Here is some possible local support groups you could try

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