Who else is unsure if they want kids?

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Sirius
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18 Nov 2011, 6:44 pm

Unsure if I will ever have kids? How about this? I am 41, a childless male, with a successful vasectomy. I know I don't want kids and am unapologetic on that stance. The idea by itself is too stressful for me to handle. If people want to judge, they will judge but I know what is best for myself and any future woman I hook up with.



Chibs
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18 Nov 2011, 10:23 pm

I'm not unsure, because I know I won't have kids. I just wouldn't work well as a mom(too lazy and unresponsible), I want to live a free life even as an adult, and the thought of being pregnant and giving birth is just very uncomfortable. So yeah.



Sweetleaf
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18 Nov 2011, 10:55 pm

I am pretty sure I don't want any.



rasol
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19 Nov 2011, 12:56 am

I have cancer which probably means that I will never be able to have children because I can't produce healthy sperm.



sogj
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19 Nov 2011, 1:04 am

I had two kids what most would consider fairly young - I was married at 24 and I now have a 2 and 3 year old.

I love kids, always have. I get them more than adults, I think. I relate to them. Having kids was one of the best decisions I ever made, personally. I can totally get the never wanting to have them thing, but to me, I definitely wanted kids. And I want more, though we will probably adopt any kids after these 2. (I'm done with being pregnant, lol! Two natural childbirths are enough for a lifetime!)

I always wanted a big family, and still do. I love having kids, they are the best part of my day.


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pete1061
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19 Nov 2011, 3:42 am

When I was younger I was on the fence about the issue.

but now, I'm 41 and I definitely do not want kids.
I have a hard enough time financially supporting myself. I don't think I will ever be well off enough to have them.
Anyhow, I don't have the physical stamina to keep up with them.
And, I don't want to be enslaved to a screaming sh*t machine for two years.
I don't like babies. They don't get cute until about 2 or so, then they are little tyrants until 4.
there may be a few years of peace.
But then they become teenagers.
And if any kid of mine is anything like me.... I'd be in for hell.

Anyway, I've given up on dating.



johnny77
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19 Nov 2011, 4:34 am

I have three boys and would give any thing of mine or of me to give them a leg up in this world. How ever after the birth of my youngest we found out that my wife has a genetic degenerative nerve disorder and me a aspie. Had I known I would not have had any children of my own. Because one got both "conditons" the other the nerve disorder and they will have physical pain all there live and its my fault becuse I wanted children.
Hind sight 20/20



Dingus
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19 Nov 2011, 8:41 am

HopefulRomantic wrote:
Dingus wrote:
My girlfriend and I would always say that we dont want and should not have kids.
Now then, by absolute chance, and the pill not exactly working, I've discovered that I am going to be a father (I dont want to use that word though).
So yeah...... I'm now coming to terms with my life completely changing and to be honest, I'm feeling
as if I have more reason to do better and do more and have less anxiety. I thought I would
be the exact opposite.
30 weeks to go!! ARGH!!


Dingus

Good luck - I hope everything goes well! Keep us posted![/quote


Thankyou :)
The next month will prove tough, as my girlfriend is moving overseas a month or so before I follow her.
We havelnt been apart before.



sogj
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19 Nov 2011, 10:46 am

johnny77 wrote:
I have three boys and would give any thing of mine or of me to give them a leg up in this world. How ever after the birth of my youngest we found out that my wife has a genetic degenerative nerve disorder and me a aspie. Had I known I would not have had any children of my own. Because one got both "conditions" the other the nerve disorder and they will have physical pain all there live and its my fault because I wanted children.
Hind sight 20/20


If it turns out I am an aspie, I don't think I'll have any more kids biologically, we'll adopt. I wouldn't want to risk passing lower functioning autism down the line. My kids are 2 and 3 and I've been watching them for signs of mental illness since they were born since it runs in my family. They definitely don't have anything, so that makes me feel good. :)


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LexF
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19 Nov 2011, 4:32 pm

Despite sporadic indicators to the contrary, on here, on YouTube, etc., it's hard for me to believe that there are actually women in the world who don't want kids....!

And I may be a little biased because my relationship history is just FILLED with women who CLAIM not to want kids -- until the relationship is up and running. And then everything changes.

When I was first diagnosed with AS, one of the things that was mentioned was that Aspies often have a hard time understanding why other people do the things they do, think the things they think, etc. (and vice versa). This really helped, because I finally had an explanation for so many of the "abnormal" aspects of my life....why I have no interest at all in so many things I'm "supposed" to be interested in....

But the kid thing is still an issue, because "I don't want kids" doesn't mean "I don't want kids" when they say it to me -- it means "I don't want kids until I'm pretty sure I'm in well enough with you that I can get you to change."



hanyo
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19 Nov 2011, 4:43 pm

Well I surely don't want any. I don't want to have penetrative sex to get pregnant with them. I don't want to suffer through carrying one for 9 months. I don't want to have to care for and support a kid for 18+ years or much longer. I'm 36 and my mother is still stuck supporting me.

I actually gave birth at the age of 17 but I gave that one up for adoption because I really don't want kids ever. I don't find human babies to be cute and have no interest in caring for them or even having anything to do with the babies of others.



Sweetleaf
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19 Nov 2011, 4:47 pm

LexF wrote:
Despite sporadic indicators to the contrary, on here, on YouTube, etc., it's hard for me to believe that there are actually women in the world who don't want kids....!

And I may be a little biased because my relationship history is just FILLED with women who CLAIM not to want kids -- until the relationship is up and running. And then everything changes.

When I was first diagnosed with AS, one of the things that was mentioned was that Aspies often have a hard time understanding why other people do the things they do, think the things they think, etc. (and vice versa). This really helped, because I finally had an explanation for so many of the "abnormal" aspects of my life....why I have no interest at all in so many things I'm "supposed" to be interested in....

But the kid thing is still an issue, because "I don't want kids" doesn't mean "I don't want kids" when they say it to me -- it means "I don't want kids until I'm pretty sure I'm in well enough with you that I can get you to change."


Well if I was in a position to properly take care of one I would be more intrested.....but I have a hard time taking care of my own needs due to psychological problems and am easily overwhelmed by stress so I don't think I would be a very good parent. I doubt things are going to change a whole lot.



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20 Nov 2011, 9:45 am

I like the saying if men were the ones to get pregnant there would be a lot less people in the world.

No kids for me;
#1 I have medical issues I wouldn't want to pass on to the wee one(s) as twins run in my family.
#2 My mother had a daycare in the house while I was growing up. 49 kids passed through the the house in eighteen years... yeah, any possible craving was out of my system before I ever entered puberty.



b9
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20 Nov 2011, 9:52 am

children running around would be a damned nuisance.



Wrackspurt
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20 Nov 2011, 9:56 am

b9 wrote:
children running around would be a damned nuisance.


That is what duct tape is for. :wink:



HotRetroHoney
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20 Nov 2011, 10:00 am

I know how the OP feels, a lot of times people out there make you feel like a freak when you don't have nor want kids esp. if you're a female. it's just very uncommon, I met a lady yesterday who adopted 3 kids b/c she couldn't have her own. She didn't understand why a healthy woman like me doesn't "naturally" want kids. Most men, IMO, want kids too. So b/c of that societal stigma I was wishy washy on wanting kids but now when I take out other people's opinions....I really don't want them. I don't think raising kids is for me; I am just too shy and not outgoing enough. At my age (almost 32) it's hard to imagine getting into a long lasting relationship (when I've never had one anyways) and having kids too, it just doesn't seem plausible at this point. So even if I did want kids, I likely missed the boat anyways.