Do you find love or does love find you?

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You know, I generally say you choose to fall in love and therefore neither happens.

Within the last few months, I've had a bit of a perspective shift. Sometimes love finds you no matter how hard you resist. It likes to hang around, too. Stubborn little s**t, really.

I found love for the 1st time when I was 20 & not looking. I had NO desire for a relationship or anything till I became friends with my ex & we got close.
I found love for the 2nd(& should be last) time after a lot of looking & making a post about it on this forum.

I agree, the original poster should make an effort to increase his general outlook and focus on what truly makes him happy whilst finding someone who shares mutual respect and interests with him. I don't believe in destiny or fate, I believe in that we have to create our own opportunities and luck. Some people say they found someone through fate on here but I say, they noticed someone so they ended taking the action to be with that person subconsciously. I think the key is to approach love and dating at your own pace or preference and find someone suitable to your needs, not what society dictates.

Also men are expected to take the initiative in society, we are expected to and doing so will push us out of comfort zone and help to overcome certain anxieties when it comes to being shy. For instance, you've got a much more chance of finding the right job if you try different career days or work experience to find out what you like the most, the same applies to dating. People date and eventually use it to filter out and separate who is compatible with them and who isn't, it's simply a selection process.

I think both can work, but from my observation love tends to last when it happens organically, finding people in the right circumstances.

I wasn't looking for love at all, let alone a love online! But... I met my husband here and it's by far the best relationship I've ever experienced.

Most guys (then men) who have been attracted to me weren't blunt about their feelings, so by the time I caught on they had moved on.

I'm... not sure. I guess I passively look for it, but not actively. I guess you could say it found me, unless you think me making first contact (which was platonic, though always with that passive voice in my head saying 'This could be a chance...') means I found love. In any case, just thinking about my reply to this thread has made me happy.

I don't know if I found love or if love found me in this case, but I do know that love is with me now. And that's what matters.

Oh, um, you all can actively look for love, but don't do it hastily; Have patience, and know you may find love where you aren't looking.

You have to network widely and meet a lot of people to find someone you truly share a connection with. Unless you get out there and start meeting people, nothing of that nature will ever happen in your life.

Love isn't some mystical destiny that brings kindred souls together regardless of circumstances, it only happens if you ensure that the circumstances in your life allow for the possibility of meeting someone.

A lot of people love to use sayings like that. "You find love when you least expect it!" It's a nonsense phrase that certain people like to say because they think it sounds cute. They're also fond of this particular pile of BS: "If you love someone, let them go. If it's meant to be, you'll find each other again." It's meaningless crap with no basis in the real world.

IDK about the first one being BS. It seems to be quite accurate for me.

The second one is crap, though. At least, the last bit. If it's truly love you're feeling, you'll just want them to be happy. Even if it means being happy without you.

neither. It certainly will not find me when I'm not looking (I'm not that attractive or important) but it also does not find me when I'm looking for it and in fact it hasn't so far.

So let me guess... you're single, right? You watch people. Jory will be spouting these two sayings here someday.

I was a bit of a late bloomer as well. I didn't date til I was almost sixteen (it would have been later if my dad didn't not want me to date until I was in my twenties), had never kissed someone outside my family until I was almost sixteen, and had never really thought of men as attractive until I was in my very late teens.
In my experience, love found me. I met my first boyfriend when I was not expecting to even find friends. He was nice and took it slow with me, and we broke up because of the lack of ability to see each other regularly.
I sent the wrong signals to the guy who became my second boyfriend (I had trouble saying no to people at the time) and he moved so quickly that I couldn't handle it and broke it off with him. The summer I broke up with my second boyfriend, I had a minor summer fling with a guy I was genuinely attracted to. We both wanted to wait to kiss until we assessed what we both wanted, but a dare from someone kind of put a stop to that. In all honesty it was a stupid move on my part and ruined a good friendship.
The man who is now my husband and I met at a time where I was not overly attracted to guys, although my first impressions were that he was good looking. After a year of him being my best friend, I realized I had feelings for him. I tried consciously sending the right signals and failed miserably. Luckily for me, he felt the same way and was pushed by his mom to ask me out. Just over five years later we got married.

love hasn't found me and I haven't found it. I don't even know what it's supposed to feel like.

Define 'love'.

I think it's a made-up gloss for several mutually contradictory states of affairs, many of which are purely imaginary. I think the whole industry based on it is a bunch of BS, like ghosts.

The facts: (generally) humans like sex, humans imprint on one-another, humans are subject to neurological state alterations in certain situations which cause them to behave rather differently. I don't believe there is, was or ever will be anything else to real-life romance; as opposed to the fantasy nonsense they put in movies.

Most people can't find love for the same reason they can't find god or morality or white elephants. They're looking for something they made up (or, more likely, unconsciously adopted as a meme).

I don't know. I do believe love exists.

it would depend on the person. for example for me neither is true.