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MacDragard
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26 Nov 2011, 12:29 am

What is your take on night clubs? I always hear mixed reviews. Some say it's the way to go if you want to meet single women and get some action. Others say avoid them like the plague because only bad things come out of them. In other words, I hear the same mix of opinions about night clubs that I do about online dating.

I personally have never been to a night club, but that all may change within the next week or so. I've always been afraid to go because I was afraid that I'd be that "dork" or "creep" who came by himself and that would paint a negative image for me. I discovered that shouldn't matter however. I feel like going just by myself to a night club and not worry about asking any girls out the first night (or so I say). I just want to get a feel for the atmosphere, which right now is WAY outside my comfort zone.

Of course, maybe it will help if this is but one option I entertain to go and meet women. I'm also considering checking out some meetup groups or doing more interactions with girls in my yoga and zumba classes. I think I should educate myself on night clubs though before going to one.



RobotGreenAlien2
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26 Nov 2011, 1:11 am

I dont want to put you off. Check them out but nightclubs suck. For us they suck more. The sensory stuff the inability to comunicate verbaly and total dependence on bodylanaguage.
I do like some pub but everyone I know, even socialy adept NTs only go to nightclubs because the bars have stopped serving and the clubs are still open.
I personaly have better success if Im part of a social group as its forming, for this I like class; night classes, short courses. Not like yoga where it is continualy running but something that has a begining and an end. Everyone is in the same boat, you all become at least temperary freinds, its easier to more from here. Not an expert though.



MacDragard
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26 Nov 2011, 1:28 am

RobotGreenAlien2 wrote:
I dont want to put you off. Check them out but nightclubs suck. For us they suck more. The sensory stuff the inability to comunicate verbaly and total dependence on bodylanaguage.
I do like some pub but everyone I know, even socialy adept NTs only go to nightclubs because the bars have stopped serving and the clubs are still open.
I personaly have better success if Im part of a social group as its forming, for this I like class; night classes, short courses. Not like yoga where it is continualy running but something that has a begining and an end. Everyone is in the same boat, you all become at least temperary freinds, its easier to more from here. Not an expert though.


I don't have aspergers; I just have social anxiety. Not to sound arrogant, but just to clear up any confusion. Body language takes practice and you have to learn it just like anything else. Men naturally are terrible at reading body language; women are so good at reading body language that they communicate with it most of the time.



LeninzTomb
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26 Nov 2011, 3:44 am

I've been, but I go with people I know. I have gone alone only once, and the results weren't good.

If you go, 2 tips:
-Go with people you know. I've been in some situations that necessitated my friends literally pulling me away by the arm.
-Do not be overstimulated by loudness/flashing strobes (I know you say you don't have Asperger's, but still a good idea)



Dark_Lord_2008
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26 Nov 2011, 7:41 am

Drink alone at home on a Friday and Saturday night is much cheaper and safer than going out to pubs or night clubs.
Chat online or play video games or watch TV/DVD.
People with Aspergers are introverted, natural loners and we usually do not like interacting with other people.

Aspie guys are usually unlikely to ever date anyone in their life. Sad but true a life time of being alone is what most Aspie guys are used to. It is far easier for females to be picked up than any average/unattractive guy.



MXH
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26 Nov 2011, 8:54 am

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:
Drink alone at home on a Friday and Saturday night is much cheaper and safer than going out to pubs or night clubs.
Chat online or play video games or watch TV/DVD.
People with Aspergers are introverted, natural loners and we usually do not like interacting with other people.

Aspie guys are usually unlikely to ever date anyone in their life. Sad but true a life time of being alone is what most Aspie guys are used to. It is far easier for females to be picked up than any average/unattractive guy.


if thats true then 90% of diagnosed members here may as well be misdiagnosed. Just cause you have AS doesnt mean you are antisocial. I quite enjoy nightclubs and socializing. Im not good at picking up women but i have fun. Yes it takes a bit of time to get used to the atmosphere.



deconstruction
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26 Nov 2011, 9:23 am

I'm not a fan of the night clubs. Too much weird lights, smells, too many people. But I used to go, once in a while, because I like to dance (so I went where dancing was allowed).

But a night club is a horrible, horrible place to meet people.

(Oh, and I'm a girl).



Concretebadger
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26 Nov 2011, 9:31 am

Nightclubs are weird places. As a place to pick people up I don't know how it's physically possible since nine out of ten play the music so damned loud you can't speak to anyone unless you SHOUT IN THEIR EAR ALL THE TIME. I lost patience with that. I guess the original idea of nightclubs was to play certain types of music and that in turn would attract different people to different clubs. In reality, these days (in the UK at least) they're simply places where people go to continue drinking when the pubs call last orders...no prizes for guessing what sorts of people go to those. :roll:

But then, maybe I've not been to the 'right' nightclub...there was - or maybe still is - an alternative music club in Norwich on saturdays, and I used to appreciate the music and it was the nearest to an 'enjoyable' experience at one of those places. It also depends enormously on who you're out with - good company is the main determining factor. But that just goes back to the issue of trying to socialise when the music's too loud to hear anything. I'm not being at all sarcastic in saying I'm more likely to meet a woman at a concert - if we're both there to see the same band, we'd have at least one thing in common!

I'm not saying trying out going to a club is a bad thing; it's just not a good place to be if you're ASD or suffer from social anxiety. The music and lights can cause sensory overload, the other people are likely to be drunk and possibly violent and a lot of these places have strict dress codes that achieve little, apart from making the places seem even more unwelcoming.



DuneyBlues
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26 Nov 2011, 9:46 am

I wonder if there are night clubs with soft classical music. What do you call those?



MXH
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26 Nov 2011, 9:54 am

deconstruction wrote:
I'm not a fan of the night clubs. Too much weird lights, smells, too many people. But I used to go, once in a while, because I like to dance (so I went where dancing was allowed).

But a night club is a horrible, horrible place to meet people.

(Oh, and I'm a girl).

Depends on what you plan on meeting people for.



LexF
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26 Nov 2011, 10:08 am

DuneyBlues wrote:
I wonder if there are night clubs with soft classical music. What do you call those?


Empty.



MacDragard
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26 Nov 2011, 10:33 am

DuneyBlues wrote:
I wonder if there are night clubs with soft classical music. What do you call those?


Those are usually the high class clubs like a military officers' club.



J-Greens
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26 Nov 2011, 10:59 am

Unfortunately a lot of these negative reviews are actually quite true, but not 100%.

Nightclubs aren't just for those that want to continue drinking after the pubs close, because most places stay open till late these days & nightclubs charge almost double the pubs.

As being a type 6 and naturally socially anxious, I can say unless you're in a 'hyped' up state - you will find the first experience daunting. The problem won't be sensory so much, as you expect that there will be loud music, bright lights, smoke occassionally and eventually, baking heat.

But because it is a place for single NT's they will be looking around and judging everyone as a potential partner, which will mean when you enter, buy drinks, move to the dancefloor, pretty much anything - they will be looking and judging you. If you're not in that comfortable 'hyped' up state or with friends, the amount of pressure you will feel can trigger the FoF response in your head. Which is not a good place. I know.



MacDragard
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26 Nov 2011, 1:39 pm

J-Greens wrote:
Unfortunately a lot of these negative reviews are actually quite true, but not 100%.

Nightclubs aren't just for those that want to continue drinking after the pubs close, because most places stay open till late these days & nightclubs charge almost double the pubs.

As being a type 6 and naturally socially anxious, I can say unless you're in a 'hyped' up state - you will find the first experience daunting. The problem won't be sensory so much, as you expect that there will be loud music, bright lights, smoke occassionally and eventually, baking heat.

But because it is a place for single NT's they will be looking around and judging everyone as a potential partner, which will mean when you enter, buy drinks, move to the dancefloor, pretty much anything - they will be looking and judging you. If you're not in that comfortable 'hyped' up state or with friends, the amount of pressure you will feel can trigger the FoF response in your head. Which is not a good place. I know.


I think it would be a good idea to go to a nightclub by first looking up one that gets a lot of positive reviews and then reading up on what you should and should not do. Go there, see what it's like, have no intention of trying to hook up with someone that night. In fact, if you try to hook up with someone right away while you're still getting used to the atmosphere, it could very well backfire.



hyperlexian
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26 Nov 2011, 2:17 pm

i used to occasionally go to clubs. i didn't ever go home with someone from there as it is a terrible place to get to know someone - alcohol, drugs, noise, crowds, social pressure... everything seems to designed to create a surreal environment that does not translate to reality in the cold light of day.

if a man goes alone, it doesn't look too good... it makes it pretty obvious that he is not out to have fun and socialise but rather just get laid. which is not really an attractive quality. most people go to nightclubs with groups of friends, and they may split off from the group if they want to meet someone. also, having friends around (especially mixed gender friends) makes a person seem more legitimate as the individual won't have as much of an opportunity to put on an act.


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devey
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26 Nov 2011, 2:37 pm

Nightclubs are good for light hearted fun but realistically you shouldn't expect anything more than that. Since its hard to make normal conversation in there its not good for asking girls out. In fact I wouldn't try at all. In my experience 99% of people in clubs are only interested in casual fun and not looking for anything deeper. There are beeter places to meet people.

I'm not saying don't go to clubs at all-if you can get used to them you can have a lot of fun but you should know what to expect. Don't go in with high expectations.