Bring back arranged marriages?

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I've made more than a few replies in this section & started a couple post about arranged marriages & mail-order brides. I would still be wanting those options if I was still single. I don't feel like relisting all my rezones rite now(I much rather think about the present & my future with my wonderful girlfriend than dwell on the years I was single & frustrated) but people are welcome to try searching my post

Last edited by nick007 on 29 Nov 2011, 3:23 am, edited 2 times in total.

Oh, don't get me started on the mail order brides... We'll end up in PPR.

Yes, it seems the Original poster is exaggerating arranged marriages to be something perfect, I suppose we all have the tendency to think the grass is greener on the other side. It's also important to take into account that people can't divorce in countries where arranged marriages are prevalent, so in many cases, they are forced to love each other or stay with each other regardless of their personal feelings. If divorce was possible in these countries, I'm sure many more cracks in wall would be seen when it comes to the general statistics of arranged marriages.

The positive side of it is that arranged marriages tend to be more geared towards the family and doing what is logical and practical as a family unit, rather than basing it of emotion. It also sets a good example, if chlldren are raised within an environment where their parents have a happy, respectful and harmonious marriage, the children are blessed with an example of what that kind of marriage looks like. I also think that arranged marriages can also be better because people go in them with lower expectations and a more realistic approach rather than expecting to fall madly in love in some Americanized Disney fairytale. Marriages like this can work because marriage isn't based on sexual lust but raising a family and I think it helps to show that marriage should be about the interests of the marriage rather than individual interests.

That sounds like it would be very appealing to some Aspie guys & that's some of why I wanted that option. Vulcans have arranged marriages & more than a few Aspies identify with or admire Vulcans

Oh, by all means, I do think arranged marriages can work. But not all of them, and in their case, the low divorce count means nothing, because in most of these cultures, divorce is simply not an option, even if your husband abuses you or even if you wife takes all your money.

I also think a marriage can work even if it's not based on love. And I believe that love can be built; so people that married this way may grow to love each other deeply. On the other hand, there are many people who are crazy about each other, but they start hating each other after 4 months of marriage.

The point is, you never know. Some western marriages work, some arranged marriages work. Some don't. It depends on many factors, especially on the people involved. I don't think the type of marriage (arranged or not) is that important here.

I live in Eastern Europe, and there are no arranges marriages here (not that I know of), but the way OP presented the situation, it's clear he's uninformed about other cultures.

i would like to have everything determined in my life by my parents.
from what school you go to, career/job you get and also have an arranged marriage where the bride/groom is chosen by your parents.

i have never dated in my life and still waiting for my parents to find me the ideal match. i continue to wait.

i am a little boy trapped inside a man's body.

Statistically, arranged marriages have a lower divorce rate, yes. Because they're carried out in countries where divorce is either hard or impossible.

Statistically, Wii Sports is the best selling game. Doesn't mean it's the best, does it? Numbers mean nothing, especially when you're talking about relationships.

I'm from India. My marriage was arranged. Our parents fixed our meeting, we liked each other, and we said yes.

We've been married for 8 blissful years. That does not mean every arranged marriage would be blissful. Even here in India (they say) love marriages have a higher divorce rate. But that probably just means that they got in by their choice, and they got out by choice. To my best belief, there is no co-relation between love/arranged marriage and divorce rate. Making a marriage work, depends on tolerance and acceptance. Getting divorced over a minor thing is wrong, but so is carrying on in spite of marital abuse.

Lastly for aspies, if not arranged marriage, at least people can try to set up some kind of meeting or something. Parents or anyone else.

The thing is, that is you and what works for you (or what you think might work for you) doesn't work for other people. Personally, I am glad my parents didn't determine many aspect of my life.

You claim you're against individualism, yet you seem to believe that a system that you find appealing should work for everybody.

Just because you are married does not mean you will be happy. The idea that I think appeals here is that "If there are arranged marriages, then I will at least have a wife". But, if you think a normal relationship is work...

Seriously though, wtf. That was my reaction to this thread. Forcing somebody to marry you so you won't be single? That hurts my mind on so many levels... As to wanting/expecting your parents to do everything for you.. you should read the "World owes you nothing" thread. Sorry if this sound harsh but anyone who thinks that

A) life should cater to them and
B) Has no problem forcing people to do something for some perceived version of happiness

is going to be at odds with me.

How to arranged marriages imply 'force'?

Sorry, I should have said "Lack of willing consent". In cultures with arranged marriages, nobody really cares what the woman (or the man) thinks. How are you supposed to have a relationship built on such things. Unless both have amazing chemistry by chance. The forcing comment was related to the OP's general attitude in the thread. If all you want is sex, you can pay for that...

In ancient Rome marriages were arranged.

In ancient Rome there were a huge number of divorces.

I am not sure, but I think that, at older ages, when one's parents were dead, there was more personal choice in these matters (I'm thinking of Ovid here writing creepy stuff on girls at the races, dunno if he ever really married though). There were still divorces.

Some people say that today's complicated society puts strain on relationships as well. I should look up what things were like a century or two ago.

It's all very complicated... And I am by no means the expert on this.

That's because marriage was considered a private social contract rather than a sanctified religious institution or an emotional attachment. Unless you were married conferreatio(sp?), marriage could be dissolved when it suited either partner, particularly for financial or political purposes.

Of course women were considered the property of their fathers and had little choice in marriage. Under Roman law, a father could kill his daughter for disobedience without legal consequence. This didn't end after marriage. If the father told the daughter to get a divorce so he could marry her to someone politically or financially more ideal, she would have to do that.

In North America, the Cherokee had a very strong tribal society and divorce was very, very common. Their social structure was matriarchal and it was the men who had very little power or say when it came to marriage or divorce.

i am a religious conservative guy.
i find it hard to find a person who shares the exact same beliefs and values as me.
MTV, hollywood and individualism has corrupted the foundations and fabrics of this once great western society.

What on Earth has happened to real conservative society? Social liberalism has taken over and it has brainwashed people into accepting a destructive, broken, dysfuntional society obsessed with materialism, greed, sex and selfishness.

I would like to see a return morality, discipline broiught back to install values and principles into the individuals who make up society. Religious military schools and conscription would help shape decent hard working future citizens.

Whose morality? The morality of ancient Rome included slavery and the right to murder your offspring. The morality of ancient Ireland included seven different types of marriage with attendant legal rights. The morality of ancient North America meant divorced meant throwing your husbands belonging out of the house/tent. The morality 100 years ago meant you could work 70+ hours a week when you're 10 years old without education, healthcare or vacation time.

Social liberalism isn't the problem. The pillars of my community, demonstrating loyal, loving, committed long-term relationships, are polyamorous gay Pagans.

Religious military schools would result in fascism. I have no desire to see that happen.