Bring back arranged marriages?
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,593
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic police state called USA
In an arranged marriage scenario == her approval + her parent's approval + her siblings' approval + her clan's approval ...
I don't understand why some male members here wish for arranged marriage thinking it would be easier for them.
Because they don't know what is like to be rejected by girl + her parents + her siblings + her clan?
Some of us get rejected because of things like lack of attraction which would not be a factor in an arranged marriage. I've been told from older people a few times that they wish their daughters or granddaughters would of been interested in me
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Ah, so it's not just about the thing being arranged. You don't want the girl to have a say in it?
And you wouldn't mind marrying a person who didn't chose you with her own free will, who didn't want you and who just had to go with it because her parents wanted it?
Ah, so it's not just about the thing being arranged. You don't want the girl to have a say in it?
And you wouldn't mind marrying a person who didn't chose you with her own free will, who didn't want you and who just had to go with it because her parents wanted it?
And I was asked why I used the word "Forced" in an earlier post to this thread. This is what I meant.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,593
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic police state called USA
Ah, so it's not just about the thing being arranged. You don't want the girl to have a say in it?
And you wouldn't mind marrying a person who didn't chose you with her own free will, who didn't want you and who just had to go with it because her parents wanted it?
And I was asked why I used the word "Forced" in an earlier post to this thread. This is what I meant.
Yes. I believe she would like me & eventually love me if I was given a real chance because of the way I would treat her
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
O... K...
But wait, what if she doesn't like you? What if she has a bad personality or is physically hideous? A bad person? But her father happens to be rich.
Also, what about sex?
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,030
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
In an arranged marriage scenario == her approval + her parent's approval + her siblings' approval + her clan's approval ...
I don't understand why some male members here wish for arranged marriage thinking it would be easier for them.
Because they don't know what is like to be rejected by girl + her parents + her siblings + her clan?
Some of us get rejected because of things like lack of attraction which would not be a factor in an arranged marriage. I've been told from older people a few times that they wish their daughters or granddaughters would of been interested in me
Not really, even looks/body would matter in an arranged marriages, her parents wouldn't want short or ugly grandchildren.
But money, if it's enough, usually compensates all.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,593
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic police state called USA
O... K...
But wait, what if she doesn't like you? What if she has a bad personality or is physically hideous? A bad person? But her father happens to be rich.
Also, what about sex?
I would still care about her & do what I could to try & make her happy.
Looks are not important to me & neither is money.
As for as a bad personality or a bad person; things might improve if she had someone who supported her & tired to help help.
I'm kind of on the asexuality spectrum; my desire to have sex is kind of dependent on my partner's.
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Looks are not important to me & neither is money.
As for as a bad personality or a bad person; things might improve if she had someone who supported her & tired to help help.
I'm kind of on the asexuality spectrum; my desire to have sex is kind of dependent on my partner's.
Bold: But that's what his family is going to see in you.
As for sex, you can't have sex with her until she says it's ok (otherwise it's rape), but what if her and your parents want grandchildren, asap?
Also, you can never "fix" someone's personality. People can change with the help of others, but only if they wanted to. You can't shape other person to suits your needs. This is one of the first lessons people who marry out of love need to learn. But you have no say here; whatever she's like, you're stuck with her forever.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,593
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic police state called USA
Looks are not important to me & neither is money.
As for as a bad personality or a bad person; things might improve if she had someone who supported her & tired to help help.
I'm kind of on the asexuality spectrum; my desire to have sex is kind of dependent on my partner's.
Bold: But that's what his family is going to see in you.
As for sex, you can't have sex with her until she says it's ok (otherwise it's rape), but what if her and your parents want grandchildren, asap?
Also, you can never "fix" someone's personality. People can change with the help of others, but only if they wanted to. You can't shape other person to suits your needs. This is one of the first lessons people who marry out of love need to learn. But you have no say here; whatever she's like, you're stuck with her forever.
Having kids would be between me & my partner after we're married regardless of how my family or her's feels about it. We could adopt or use medical science to get them without having sex.
You are very rite that people have to want help. I would try to help her if she would let me but I would still accept her the way she was even if she didn't change anything & I might would grow to love that.
This debate doesn't matter now since I'm with Megz but that's how I felt before her
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
You are very rite that people have to want help. I would try to be hlep her if she would let me but I would still accept her the way she was even if she didn't change anything & I might would grow to love that
No, no. Nothing is between you and your wife. If she can't have kids, for example, they will make you divorce her, because the main purpose of marriage is to have healthy biological children (speaking of which, why would a family choose you if you seem to have "mental problems"?)
Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not trashing you and I don't think you're unworthy of love or that people with Asperger's are unfit to be parents... I'm just trying to present you the way these things are dealt with in cultures with arranged marriages.
You obviously want to have someone, but you seem way too inexperienced. Things like "I'll change her", "I'll grow to like it", etc. are one of the main reasons people divorce - because it's not something you can do, in most of the cases. Only in a situation of an arranged marriage, you have no say in this.
I wonder if you'd be so eager to promote arranged marriages if you were a female, where you'd have to marry any man, no matter how abusive or alcoholic or cheating he was. Now, I'm not saying only males can be bad. Females are bad, too. With an arranged marriage, you have to absolutely provide for your wife and family. What if your wife is into spending your hard earned money on stupid things?
I think you should read khalid hosieni's novel 1000 splendid suns, might change your perspective on forced marriage.
Last edited by hurtloam on 29 Nov 2011, 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ah, so it's not just about the thing being arranged. You don't want the girl to have a say in it?
And you wouldn't mind marrying a person who didn't chose you with her own free will, who didn't want you and who just had to go with it because her parents wanted it?
And I was asked why I used the word "Forced" in an earlier post to this thread. This is what I meant.
Yes. I believe she would like me & eventually love me if I was given a real chance because of the way I would treat her
how would you like it if someone forced you to work every day at a job that you know you could not perform or that you are certain you would hate, in the hopes that *eventually* you would like it? you could not leave the job even if you might fail at it utterly; there would be no recourse to escape. you would just have to live with it and try to grow to love it no matter how much you dislike it at the outset. i would consider it barbaric and cruel to force a person to do that. same with forcing someone to get married.
fact is you may be a good catch for the right person, but you are not necessarily a good catch for the person who is forced to be with you. she could hate the way you smelled, the way you touch her, the way your voice sounds, and so on, so that every moment you spend together is pure torture for her. but she'd be stuck with you so that you could have a partner. you could also hate every small thing about her, yet you would be stuck with her too.
_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105
DialAForAwesome
Veteran
Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,030
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
I'm back |
11 Aug 2024, 2:21 am |
Been Away for about 2 years, back |
30 Sep 2024, 9:17 pm |
Under what circumstances would you get back with an ex? |
14 Oct 2024, 5:57 am |
I'm wanting to go back to work |
09 Sep 2024, 4:25 am |