Why I have trouble with dating non-autistic men

Post Reply New Topic

I have Asperger Syndrome and I've been very unsuccessful with serious relationships; dating men who are physically and neurologically and mentally healthy (no disorders or disabilities whatsoever) and this bothers me because it's like these men use my disorder to their advantage or they don't even bother to give me the time of day to try and understand me, or if they do try to understand me, they give up at the last minute and just dump me right on the spot because they can't deal with me or put up with me anymore, right now, I'm in another serious relationship with a 34 year old Christian man who also doesn't have any neurological or mental disorders or disabilities and is physically healthy inside and out from head to toe, I've told him about my disorder and I've explained it to him, now, he and I have never met in person yet, we've only communicated through Internet messaging, text messaging, or phone calling, and we have both gotten to know each other better even though were far distances apart, he's in Maryland and I'm in Connecticut, but the times we've talked, he's acted like there's nothing wrong with me, and a few times we've gotten into disagreements that kept us both up until 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning, and, I've noticed this with guys that I date, he always apologizes to me for everything like he feels like he's done something wrong even though he didn't, and he apologizes even for all the other guys that I dated in the past that have treated me so badly, I mean, I know I've done a lot of wrong and I admit that I've made a lot of mistakes, but everytime I hear a grown man apologize to me even when he didn't do anything wrong, it makes me feel bad because it makes me think that he thinks everything is his fault and not mine, like he takes all the wrong I've done and blames himself for it instead of allowing me to apologize and instead of allowing me to take responsibility for my wrong actions, and it's all just way too confusing to me, I don't understand it, like I said, I've had a lot of troubles keeping relationships with men.

That's fair enough, but be careful not to expect autistic men to be any kinder or more respectful.

Redacted

I think that's a fair assumption. Truthfully, guys can be as*holes, especially when they want to get laid. Though we generally are not conniving creatures (We're not subtle enough for that) I've known lots of guys who've used a female with a mental illness in the worst way. They listen, try to help, and be there for the girl, then they get laid and take off. I've seen it to many times for my liking, I've punched a few of them out too, it's sickening to do that to someone, best thing to do is always be careful and get to know the guy and make sure he's genuine. I wish you the best, you seem like a nice and honest person!

Correct me if I am wrong, but I am assuming that you are not a Christian and he is?

If so, you're putting yourself in a very crappy position by dating someone religious if you are not, or if you're of a different religion. It just won't work out unless you can show him you love jesus as much as he does, but you'll always be his second love (after jc).

Anonymous-shyster, you are correct, he's a true blue Christian and I'm not, I tried to become that religion many times but never succeeded because I've always been a skeptic, I have to see it to believe it, I don't believe in there being a single god because I don't see it, but, my boyfriend more puts me first as his first love, he's told me that many times, he's told me that I'm very important to him and that if something bad happened to me, like, say, if I got killed in some freak accident, it would be the end of his world. He even told me that since he met me, I've been his only reason for living, that he has no life without me, that he's nothing without me, so, I'd say, to him, I'm his first and only love. To be honest, the fact that Jesus Christ is a man, and hearing other Christian men say they love Jesus Christ and that he's their first love, kinda sounds really gay, and I just find that funny, but, my boyfriend isn't gay, he's straight, so he wouldn't really go loving another man, even if it is Jesus Christ He loves me and only me since I'm his girlfriend, he also considers me to be his princess, and well, princesses are royalty and get the most attention He also wants to get engaged to me and married to me, oh, and by the way, my boyfriend looks exactly like Jesus Christ, the long brown hair, the brown eyes, the beard, the mustache, it's all good. And B3astM4n, I agree, I've been used by a bunch of non-autistic men in my past and I hated it, I always argued with them and fought with them, and the weirdest thing, they'd be the ones wondering, "what did I do wrong to get this girl mad at me?" and they'd be the ones apologizing every time. The boyfriend I'm currently with, he constantly apologizes to me, but he's perfectly healthy inside and out from head to toe, he doesn't have Autism or Asperger Syndrome and isn't part of the spectrum, but he apologizes for all the exes that I've had that treated me like crap, he even apologizes whenever I'm feeling like crap for any reason, and he apologizes at times when he feels like he messed up when we got into a disagreement, every time I try to be honest and I try to apologize and say it's my fault, he suddenly says,"no, sweetheart, it's not your fault, it's my fault, I messed up, I apologize if I've hurt you in any way, I hope you can forgive me." and it makes me feel bad because it's like he's taking all my pain and faults and placing them all on himself and taking all the blame and that makes me feel sad and hurt because he shouldn't be doing that at all. Ugh, I'm just really confused right now

I don't have a lot of experience with this relationship stuff but if he's a confidant and stable man, yet he's apologizing a lot and when you try to apologize he tells you it's not your fault, I think maybe he is just...what's the best word, confused about your Aspergers and he's being overly gentle (Which isn't really a bad thing ,especially since I don't think he's doing it intentionally). Actually, it's as if he is unsure and feels maybe he has to treat you in a fragile way in case you get stressed or upset or something. He sounds like a very nice man who cares deeply about your feelings. I'd just say maybe sit down and let him know that yes, you have your difficulties, maybe a bit more than some other people, but he doesn't have to be concerned all the time about saying or doing the wrong thing, that's all. I can see how you'd be confused, I just get the impression he's confused and unsure too, and a good sit down can always solve a lot.

Thank you, B3astM4n, I appreciate the helpful tips and advice. To everyone who gave helpful advice and tips, thank you all, I really do appreciate it, I'm glad to have gotten a lot of these helpful tips and advice from everyone again thank you all, I gladly appreciate all of it. I've always had trouble with dating men who don't have any disorder or disability at all and I've always had trouble with keeping serious relationships, I'm actually surprised that the one I'm in now hasn't ended yet, I mean, the guy I'm with now doesn't want to leave me at all and he doesn't want to lose me at all to anyone or anything, that's actually something he's told me a lot. I've heard that a lot of us Aspies, when it comes to relationships, we don't want them to end, we don't want them to leave us, that we always want them to stay with us. I've also heard that a lot of us Aspies have self harm or suicidal issues. Well, I agree to both, I've never wanted a serious relationship to end because if it ever did end I felt like I wanted to just die right there on the spot because I felt like I had nothing to live for after a relationship ended. I've had that happen to me every time I got out of a bad break up, so, yeah, it's been tough for me all together.