Need Some Advice

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For the past few weeks I've been obsessing over the problems I've been having asking a girl out. It's not that I'm afraid she'd refuse; she seems to really enjoy spending time with me and has expressed interest about getting into a new relationship before. The problem is that I constantly obsess over every detail of how it will happen: when to ask, where to ask, should we be alone, can I ask in a group, etc. I've also had worries about problems that could arise with her clingy ex-boyfriend. Couple these obsessions with my general anxiety problems and not only I have been unable to get this over with, my overall concentration has been significantly affected. Does anyone have any advice?

mine is probably the obvious - stop thinking about it and do it. sorry if that's not helpful

This is the best advice I've ever gotten here:

You won't get much farther than that. Someone might say something like "if sheyou really loves you/her, it won't matter" or bad advice. I don't think this is really the best place for advice. I stopped asking for advice awhile ago. If you get any good advice, good, cause I don't have any. Sorry to sound cynical, never dated.

Yes sarcastic_name you are very cynical, you mentioned in another thread about how people find it saddening to talk to you, well thats why.


Yes I do have some advice and I can sum it up in one word:
RELAX!

Don't be so meticulious about it, when you go out with her just do everything you can to enjoy yourself. If you two are having a good time that can make way for great conversation. Whenever you have a good conversation with someone things just sort of happen, and you become relaxed. The fact that she expressed interest in having another relationship that might be a hint. But when you two are relaxed and enjoying yourself, that would be a great time to ask her how she feels about you, and ask her if you two could become exclusive. As far the ex-boyfriend goes don't worry about him, if he tries anything they'll throw his ass away

Oh and do me another favor, if she rejects you don't take it personally, and attribute it to AS. That is a very self defeating thing to do.Contrary to what Sarcastic_name says, you can do anything you put your mind to.

Case and point:
My cousin:

He is dyslexic and has tourrete's. A few years ago he was having tics really bad, and was in special ed classes cause he could only read at a third grade level. Now at the age 19, he was teaching other kids how to read, and can now read college level phiolosophical books. He also taught himself how to play the drums. He also hasn't any tics in years. So my point is ,despite AS,if you just believe in yourself, you could accomplish anything. Don't think just because you have AS your life is set in stone. Im talking to both sarcastic_name and catguy.

You know what I think I'll address the whole site with this. Don't let AS run your life. It is your life, do what you want with it. Where there's a will there's way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you

the great Jman

Can you beat him up?

heh, now now...

Oops.. Sorry about that post, I was having a really bad day. Try to ignore most of it, even though it seems to have been misunderstood anyways. I wasn't saying give up because you have AS, I was trying to say that there could better places to go for advice. It just came out wrong because of my bad mood. Again, sorry for being an ass.

Today, I called up a friend whom I haven't spoken with for two years after a current friend gave me his phone number, and even though it wasn't romantic and was just long enough to find out his email address so I could contact him later, and I was about to have a heart attack just to do that, but I think I discovered something that could also apply to you in this. Yesterday, I spent a whole hour panicking about how to phrase my words, what tone should I employ, as well as a number of other variables, and when I called, I just got the answering machine (I hang up as soon as I hear an answering machine voice). Today, I thought to myself rather spontaneously, Yeah, I think I'll call him, and just as I was about to get myself worked up about it, five minutes later, I called, and he sounded happy to hear from me and gladly gave his email address. I've been told to just be myself, which I've always found stupid, as I know how to be myself, I just didn't know how to express myself, but it turned out to be applicable in another sense, as in, it was okay to have trouble expressing myself, because it ended up being very much worth it, anyway. I know don't. I'm not very good at expressing myself sometimes (as if that needs to be repeated), even in writing sometimes, but I tried to convey my meaning, so I hope it helps.

jman - what a superb post.

AS does mean that some things such as finding friends and having a girlfriend/boyfriend can be more difficult than for most people, but difficult is not the same as impossible.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, we've been living together for 14 months. I'm not going to pretend that it's always easy, because it isn't. We sometimes have horrendous misunderstandings because of my inability to read his mood, my literal interpretation of his communication, and my difficulties in expressing myself. Sometimes I annoy the &$^& out of him because of some aspects of AS. But then you know what? He isn't perfect either. There are aspects of me that he admires and loves. He has told me he is proud to be with me because of my intelligence.

I understand, CatGuy, when you say you overanalyse situations, because I do the exact same thing. But if you can't get over your reservations and tell her how much you like her, then you don't really have anything to analyse!

Much better to be over-analysing what you're going to be doing with your girlfriend this evening than to have never got past the first hurdle.

If she says no, at least you will know that it's not to be - and I think that is better than wondering about 'if' constantly.

Good luck.

I wish you good luck.

I use a logic engine here. I figure there are two results.

Don't Ask Her: You won't get her, cos she will not ask you out. If anything, you'll spook her because of any possibly obsessive tendencies she might pick up. RESULT = NEGATIVE

Ask Her Out: You might not get her, but then again, you also might! If she turns you down, you never had a chance anyway, but she might also say yes. RESULT = Mixed, but a chance of POSITIVE.

To me, there is more sense going for the latter.

Now, I've yet to ask a girl out smoothly, but that doesn't seem to be as big an issue as I always thought it was. All you really need is the question. If they like you and want to go out with you, she'll say yes, even if it was a bit awkward getting there.