Dishonesty vs. bluntness in relationships??

Post Reply New Topic

I have two cases that put me in a weird scenario...

The first was a couple years ago. In a nutshell, I liked a girl, but lost feelings for her early on; she liked me, her feelings lasted way longer than mine. I lied a relationship to keep her happy, she found out, and then our friendship went downhill, naturally. I still feel horrible about it to this day, and it's taught me to state your feelings in a relationship whenever possible...or at least that was what I thought...

The second case happened a few months back, where there was another girl who liked me. Since I feared messing things up in the same way as the scenario above, I went with a different approach: be blunt. Except she didn't necessarily like my doing that, so that prospect went downhill as well (along with a whole heap of other reasons I might get into later)

Now here's where I am. Having taken both approaches and neither works. Is there some sort of indicator that tells you when to be honest and when not to when it comes to a relationship?

TL;DR version: Which is better in a relationship: dishonesty or bluntness? Because it seems like there's no balance between the two :/ Or is there supposed to be a balance, and if so, how would you go about finding it?

It's the roll of the dice. Depends on the women and how you approach it. Leading people on and not being fully honest from the beginning is a bad decision on your part. If you could detect feelings and your feelings where changing you should have said something because this is letting the other person believe that there is still a chance. Communication is always key. You're trying to have a situation where everyone is happy in the end and that's just not possible. Someone will always be hurt when rejection is involved.

I will *always* be blunt, and would greatly prefer any partner to do the same.

I have no interest in getting lied to for the sake of romance.

I prefer bluntness. If I am falling for someone and they flat out tell me that they are just not into it then we can talk about steps to take. In other words if I don't want to wait for what I think is gonna be the inevitable then I can make the choice to end it. If there is an area where my partner feels is lacking then I can make the effort to fix it.

I think more than likely you probably just miscalculated the 2 scenarios. The first girl was into you a lot so she would have appreciated the heads up, but the other girl was probably not as close so she took it as insulting/too direct.