Am I seeking a myth?

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After a lot of personal deliberation, I figured I should talk about this, seeing as how it'll eat me from the inside like accidentally swallowing a vial of corrosive acid ^_^

Basically I'm a 22 year old part-time uni student with no job at present but I'm working on that. I'm sure I have a pretty face and overall an okay build though I know my upper body could definitely use a tone-up (not much time to work out). I know I'm a good listener and have a well-rounded personality. However, like a few people here, I have struggled with romance.

I had a girlfriend once before, in college but it did not end well, and my uh... big V... remained intact. However, I don't despair over this particular fact because it's given me a golden opportunity to find a rare form of love.... IF any female I ever met considered me more than just a friend.

However, I have run into problem after problem when talking to women that may have the smallest bit of interest. I'm a good friend apparently, but for some obscure reason no one is explaining to me, I am not boyfriend material. It's confusing me and destroying any confidence I have that I'll ever meet the right one. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate in any way, nor am I doing this because of this belief I have. I've really only fancied about three women in as many years, fellow higher education students, and I thought about each set of feelings a lot. However, it hurts when girls become purposefully vague to avoid talking about the subject, or bring up another guy, one even I'm perceptive enough to know is anything but faithful and caring. From where I'm from, looks and how 'fit' people are go a long way here...

I'm not looking for a 'perfect woman.' What I had hoped to find, and it seems selfish of me to say so, was a woman around my age who not only loved me for being me and found that interesting, but could also accept my Asperger's and still be at least a little in love with me. Furthermore, I had hoped she would also have the big V so that I and by extension we would feel comfortable having a first time experience that consisted solely of me and her. Think of Adrian monk and Trudy from that hit detective show. Trudy loved Monk for who he was. I have found myself to be a great believer in the word 'love' and all it associates with. I think the V subject stems from my fear that I'll either be rubbish due to a lack of experience and what my body looks like, or she will be thinking about her past partners or that the first reason will follow through to the latter.

My actual question, my key objective from this actual thread is to wonder if I should try and stick to this legend of a modern-day love story that is only becoming more unrealistic as I, and everyone around me get older. Soon it'll just be a fairytale and I'm just worried I'll end up alone because of it. I don't think I have much of a chance either way but some feedback on the issue would be good. All thanks in advance ^_^

Oh, watch out, soon as they see this you're gonna get jumped on and be told you should be content just being friends with those girls, that you shouldn't get upset about them not wanting to be romantic with you, that there are other things in life than romantic companionship, and a whole lot of other crap. I know, they did it to me when I posted a very similar topic to this not 3 weeks ago.

I Sympathize with you entirely on this. The problem does compound. I'm 27 now and I've still never had a really meaningful relationship. My confidence is sitting on E, at this point, I'm despairing of ever finding anyone I consider suitable who I don't either manage to run off, or wind up getting friend-zoned again.

i wouldn't set my heart on a girl who has the big V. average age of first intercourse in the US is 14 and 1/2. plenty of girls who are not virgins will be happy with a guy who is. you can get info about the female sexual response from a book called "our bodies, ourselves." armed with info, you may turn out to be much better than her past encounters.

never give up. my husband and i were each married for the first time in our 50's. our third anniv. will be in may. we are very happy together.

You're going to spend your dating years with a string of women who have had previous partners. It's not a big deal. People tend to be in the moment with who they are with, not dredging up memories of previous encounters. Flesh in hand tends to trump a dim memory.

Personally I think you should take whatever good opportunity comes along and just be open and relaxed about being a virgin. I wouldnt hide it. What's more important is that you take advantage of whatever you can learn from her and get your level of expertise up. The learning curve is not steep but it's there. Whether she's a virgin or not your first time will probably suck. Too much adrenaline and too many expectations.

You're going to need more than once to feel comfortable with it so the first time really doesnt mean as much as some suggest, in my opinion. With a week of steady sex you'll feel like an expert. You won't be but you'll feel like it. Just like the rest of us.

Nope. Not a myth. Aside from the V thing, my wife and I fit your criteria.

And truthfully, I would suggest not hoping for the V thing. Easier to find, and you'll be better off with a gal who isn't.

Keep in mind that you're at the age now when most people are in a committed relationship and/or have children. If you're looking for someone your own age, you're going to need to adjust your expectations.

Are you serious? The average American couple has children when they themselves are only 22?

Anecdotally speaking, from my neck of the woods at least, yep. Maybe closer to 25-ish. But moreso the committed relationship.

its the urban areas that average it out to 25.

and yeah, i'm 23 and all my friends are married now.

It takes a while to become generally adept at sex, to learn what you like and how you work, how female physiology functions, and how it affects you. I am very happy with my decision to have engaged in a fair amount of recreational sex, and the skill, ease, and sense of self-assurance that I experience as a result.

P.S. If you watch porn, mainstream stuff will generally give you the wrong idea about almost everything. View some amateur stuff if you want relevant learning material.

From listening to high-school aged girls who are no longer virgins, I'd have to say that they prefer guys with experience. Virgins go best with other virgins or with people who are not that too, too interested in sex. From my own experience, it seems that people who have had many past encounters don't seem to want committment nor are they trying to establish it.
It would be great if you found another aspie. If an aspie had a lot of sexual experience, it is because they were promised committment in exchange for sex but got hurt in the end. If you can't find another aspie, try to get an introverted NT.

My actual question, my key objective from this actual thread is to wonder if I should try and stick to this legend of a modern-day love story that is only becoming more unrealistic as I, and everyone around me get older. Soon it'll just be a fairytale and I'm just worried I'll end up alone because of it. I don't think I have much of a chance either way but some feedback on the issue would be good. All thanks in advance ^_^[/quote]



Better to be alone and wait for what you're looking for. Crazy as it may seen but try to get involved in some clubs that cater to geeks/nerds. This might sound insulting but you're better off instead of going into the pub or nightclub scene. These places eat our kind of people up.
Volunteer to work in an animal shelter or old folks home. A LOT of older people would be happy to set you up with their grandchildren knowing you are like this. try to be around more "givers" instead of "takers". Volunteer groups are a magnet to "givers". Pubs, nightclubs, are a haven for "takers". I went to a dating service and met my husband BUT I had to cut through a couple freaks before I met him. He was volunteering in various religious groups but found only lonely old women who wanted a young guy - very unrealistic. Keep AWAY from religious clubs. They tend to attract kooks. Stick with clubs that have "interests". Are you interested in astronomy? Book clubs? Want to volunteer at your local library? A lot of librarians have shy daughters!! You need to work through the elders to get to the younger crowd. Aspies generally are still latched on to their adult family members even when they're grown. You need a "relationship" first then later - much later - the sex will come comfortably.
This may sound dirty but I highly suggest that you relieve yourself often so you to keep your mind on the "relationship" and not the bedroom so much. Sex too soon screws up EVERYTHING. people who sex too soon are not interested in "working" towards a relationship. They are the ones who are unrealistic - not you. Their minds are corrupted by the media and have been since they were small. My husband was the most "unsexual" man I've ever known yet his closet was full of books on the subject. I love him dearly and have been married to him for almost 20 years. When you meet women, talk about the subject of marriage. Get to the point very seriously. No women wants a "serious" relationship for a decade. They want to get married. Start telling women that the reason you date is because you're looking for a wife. If they want to jump in bed right away, shame them! Say "STOP". if they can't take this without having a fit, they're not for you. Sex REALLY isn't that important. Imagine people were barbie dolls without sexual organs, wouldn't you want to find someone as compatiple as possible. Then once you've done that - pizzazz - the barbie god gives you genitals that fit together. BUT the genitals don't appear until everything else clicks. One more thing - I'm fifty - and that love story you're talking about - becomes even MORESO appealing to people who are getting older. It only seems unrealistic because people have given up on it because of so many profound dissapointments due to the fact that most folks seek immediate gratification and refuse to wait for love. They run out and seek it when it's not there only to be left cynical thinking that everything revolves around rumpy bumpy - something that dogs do in broad daylight. Sex makes money and the world somehow incorporated this attitude into everyday existence and in finding romantic love. They strive for some kind of fantasy that they'll never find. It's the same reason why people go to casinos. They're chasing just to chase. There's a promise of a catch but in actuality it's just an illusion. People do this with relationships as well. They like to tell themselves that they've settled when actually they realized they were not fit for the chase and that they're beaten not settled. These girls who just want to be friends haven't chased enough of that illusion to admit defeat. When they come to you and say they've finally settled, you'll be already taken.

It is often said that opposites attract. It isn't (usually) true. Like attracts like - if you try to pick people up in places you hate, you won't get far. Pubs and clubs are only good for pubbers and clubbers. Ask what you're looking for, and emulate that. Like goth girls? Wear black and listen to depressing music. Like sporty types? Get to the gym!

You can find that special someone if you wait, but I wouldn't hold out much hope. We are attracted to people that interest us, and we don't become interesting unless we have experience. Wait for that special someone, yes, but have some fun in the meantime.

Yeah! There's lots of awesome stuff to do, some of it is even better when you're still flying solo. Make good use of that time!

What if you're into both kinds of girls like I am? (more into punk/indie/hipster girls than goth though)

Hmm. Are there sporty goth girls? You could try investing in both directions, see which works best for you. Ultimately, however, you'll settle for doing what you want to do and meeting girls that relate to that. Maturity has many advantages.

You generally can't have both at once. The eagle that hunts two rabbits lets both escape.