Every girl I ask out "already has a boyfriend."

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I've had the experience of girls commonly telling me they already had boyfriends too. I don't know whether it's because they're good-looking and therefore more likely to be taken or if they're lying to drive me away.

Both I would imagine.

Isn't that mega-popular in the United States?

if you had advanced social skills, you would not have a problem right now.

*shrug* Not as much as it used to be. At least not in my area anyway.

The fact that so many think it is enough to make people insecure. I know women do it too, and I don't approve of settling.

Yes rejection can be a pain in the arse and disheartening, however don't quit as for all you know the next time you ask a girl out she might say yes. Just have a healthy and positive attitude to rejection, those girls who said no its there lost not yours!

No really is there something wrong with you or are you using it as an excuse for the rejections? For all we know there might be something wrong with girls who no to you know. If I were you I'll stop blaming myself for what happened in the past and move on from it. Now do other guys have it easy for all you know that might find it harder that what your finding to be like.



I get the feeling from reading your OP that your trying too hard, just have fun & if you get a date then that's fantastic.
Honestly I had spell when I tried to hard to get a girlfriend then one day I say to a mate of mine I'll stop look for a girlfriend few months after saying that I started my first long term relationship

Look at it this way. It means you are better than nothing, which is more than some have going for them.

^ OK, in all seriousness, I really DO have good FUNCTIONAL social skills. The issue is NOT that I'm petrified and scared to talk to people. I am very good at talking to people, and I can completely seek out anybody for "business" types of things. I could go in to any store and chat with the worker there for some issue, like if I wanted to by a cell phone. I can completely go up to any secretary or any counter, if there is some pertinent reason for me to do so. I can be totally "normal" about it as well. I could be in the mall and talk to people all day if there were things I wanted to buy or a real reason for the conversation.

Where I fail I suppose is chatting to people for pure "fun" or pleasure. I am definitely far less adept at the more "random" type of conversations that (you all) seem to be suggesting I try and have. I would not even know where to begin to start chatting with people if there was not a real reason for it.

I think my failing is in just something subliminal in my conversation. I think perhaps its just how I look at people....... perhaps I have "the stare," or I'm talking too monotone or something like that. I know for a fact I feel like I just have a big red flag on me, that instantly precludes me and sends a huge signal to any girl saying "not dateable." I might as well have "reject" tattooed on my forehead.

I think there is a bit of a disconnect though, as some still insist that I have "poor social skills," I know for a fact though I am definitely good at talking to people at least in platonic situations, and I'm not afraid at all to initiate conversations or to assert myself. Where I think my problem is is in finding the REASON for talking to someone and then making that seem "natural."

Are you in a position to have many of these conversations even if you could handle them?

^ Yeah, I work, I go to community college. I'm out and about all of the time at the malls, in stores, on errands, etc. I really don't know where else I could go place myself to be in social situations.

Believe me, I would like it if there was some magical place where there was lots of available women. I have had a thought though......... I sign up for mostly night classes, as I just feel more alert in the evening. I think perhaps that might be the problem as most women in the evening classes might be too busy for dating and stuff like that.

I think for the next semesters, I will sign up for day classes and morning classes as mabye some women will be in there who have a less hectic schedule and might have more time for flirting/dating.

I don't know, I may be grasping at straws. Even in night classes, I would still think there would be lots of girls who would want to date.

you do have gaps in your social skill,s as you have described above. you can improve in that area. or conversely, you can be honest and upfront about your differences/deficits (i.e. in online dating) and you may find a woman who doesn't mind or who likes you that way.

^ Yeah, while this may sound terribly embarassing, I just asked my mom if she would help me put together an online profile on that match.com, and she agreed.

I would do it, but anything I write to "describe myself" would just come off as "weird." I know I am a good writer and all, but I can't make my personality and interests sound "normal," or make it sound the way NTs write on those sites.

I just think its so ridiculous that my social skills have to be so pristine and so perfect even just to get ONE girl to agree to one date. I mean, I know I have gaps, but you would think that some people would at least be willing to look past it if I wasn't effortlessly suave and did all the right things. I feel like I'm being asked to be a totally gregarious NT and have to be a bubbly life-of-the-party before I can even CONSIDER propositioning a girl. It sucks.

I'll never be that way........ hopefully someone can just accept if I'm not totally rad at socializing and look past it. I don't see how I can improve either in my more abstract social skills, as that would basically equate to "automatically becoming an NT."

i think it might be better to just be honest about why your social skills are not up to par. some people have success by posting on their profiles that they have AS. otherwise highly crafted social skills will pretty much be an expectation.

But you can improve. I don't think anyone here is likely considered suave. But some have improved their skills. That's all you need to worry about. And the road to improvement is going to be littered with failures. Just accept it, place them in context as they occur, and keeping making an effort.

I kind of agree. I think that instantly telling that you have AS during the "first impression" stage might be an immediate no-go tbh. I would try it online, but I can't say I would ever tell a girl immediately to her face in the first few times I talked to her....... I would be concerned that she would have nothing to do with me as she would be eugenically concerned about having "problem babies," and stuff like that.

I agree that it sucks in our society that those highly crafted social skills are almost essential. It is just depressing as you can find people who are physically weak, obese, mabye even an academic dullard, but you see them with women. How come other people can neglect those facets of their lives, but they can still find dates? What is different about social skills to where you can't be deficient in that area?