It's JUST his ASPERGERS!!

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I had an aspie friend who thought it was ok to be agressive and "taking out rage" on everyone.

I think for some aspies, ones with mental health problems alongside, the diagnosis has been harmful because ,

the whole "self esteem" aspect of the AS world , makes them think every part of them is ok and even being violent is just an AS quirk that the world needs to tolerate.

I think too many aspies are just stupid TBH

Can't really say I'm comfortable with that bolded statement. Mind explaining yourself a bit??

Lots of us have learning difficulties yet we all get told by the books and websites that we're Einstein and superior. Lots of us are "emotionally stupid" IE have low emotional intelligence and bad methods of understanding others and working out problems. But the Einstein fantasy makes us think we're ok and the world has to put up with us being hurtful.

Ugh, this. I was having a conversation with a colleague about Einstein as a model for something (aspie-unrelated), and my colleauge enlightened me that Einstein was a TOTAL dick to his wife (negligent, etc), which isn;t nearly as well known- since everyone glorifies his scientific contributions only.

I never got away with being moody or pushing people away when I was younger, and the parts of my life where I did were miserable. I still get frustrated at times, but now I know that there is NOTHING to be gained from doing it. To be honest, I get irritated when relatives try to drawn out frustration from me ('oh, [current situation] must be getting so frustrating!') Well, sure, but how is getting mad at the world going to help anything?

How does being a dick to your wife negate extreme intellectual and scientific ability,
any more than, say,
holding revolutionary ideas about governance whilst also owning human beings as slaves
means one isn't a revolutionary, all things considered?

That's not to say that being a dick to your wife or owning slaves is okay-
but that doesn't mean that the historical individuals who did those things were somehow not remarkable just because they weren't exceptional in EVERY aspect, as judged with 21st century hindsight.


For me,
"Einstein was decades if not centuries ahead of his time, and did perhaps more to influence our understanding of the universe than any other scientist"
isn't, to me,
at all affected by
"Uh...he totally cheated on his wife..."

I was putting it in pretty blunt term, I agree. All I'm saying is that treating the interpersonal aspect of one's life as disposable/optional isn't cancelled out by scientific achievement- at least on the personal scale. His work was critically important to the world, but his life must have been very lonely by the time he pushed everyone away. Einstein was an exceptional person, and history has largely forgiven his faults. My point is that most of us are not going to have that luxury.

Also, I said neglect, not adultery. I don't know the story so much, only the anecdotal bit from a friend tired of people holding him up as a personal role model. I thought it a bit jarring at first as well (it was a rather vehement argument from his side), but the perspective was interesting.

Not helped by autism tv

Truth in that. I have picked up the vibe here more than once that our challenges make us somehow superior to NTs. I don't believe that. Everyone has something they can be good at, but there will never be a good excuse for being a bad person. Any time I have a meltdown, especially in public (very rare, thankfully) I feel guilty, shamed, anxious. And often depressed. Its sent me to therapy a couple of times.
I have never stopped trying to be a better person. And I will never use autism as an excuse to misbehave. Despite being a bit emotionally immature for years, I have always had high morals.

Sincerely,
Matthew

even I will admit im emotionally stupid at times... I think everyone is male/female/NT/aspie alike...

To Reiterate: There will NEVER be a VALID excuse for being a BAD human being.
NT or ASD. Nothing forbids you learning morality & the Golden Rule.

Matthew

most people are abusive. even "normal" folks. if you dont want to invest the time to nurse another mentally to what is exeptable behaviour
then let the relationship go.

i guess i've been fortunate that aspergers has never been a cop-out that my family uses to explain why i'm acting like an ass

i'm not in a relationship, and thats my biggest fear. miss-using another person the wrong way. hopefully one day i can get close enough to the correct way to be in a happy relationship

good luck

no.

Most people ARE NOT abusive. Many are just ignorant or thoughtless. You know, like we can certainly be.
This guys' family is doing him no favor in tolerating unacceptable behavior. AS people can certainly learn. They need to teach him that it is not OK to hit a woman. FOR ANY REASON.
If I have a meltdown, I usually just take it out on something inanimate.
This person may be headed for prison. Inform his family I said this & that they need to get of their collective butts and do something!!

Sincerely,
Matthew

Where did this conversation go? I feel like I'm in a room and everyone just started yelling, we're all sitting in chairs that are organized in a box and are about 20 feet apart from each other....

In my opinion, aggression isn't a sign of mental health, its a sign of lack of character. If you have so little self control that you'd outwardly express yourself to inflict pain and/or hurt others, it is simply selfish needs outweighing your moral compass. Personally speaking I'd like it better if people that where this way where wiped off the face of the planet. There is no reason for random eye glances to cause a fight, there is no reason for you aspie or not - to not be able to control going fisticuffs verbally/physically on another human being.

Guys who use derogatory language towards women, you are in the same category. People go through enough stuff in a day, without having to deal with general cub-like demonstrations of personality from jack holes like you.

Unreasonable levels of aggression can most definitely stem from mental illness.

I suppose this could be true, but a emphasis on it being from illness and not from themselves would cause issues.