22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with AS

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http://www.amazon.ca/Things-Woman-Loves ... 1849058032

Anyone read this book? It looks morbidly pessimistic about the marriage of an AS man and an NT women. I've done some research on AS male & NT female marriages... what I have read on google is mostly all very negative I am sad to say. Some of them mention good things, like AS men are loyal and good providers, but this book appears to be a little one-sided... like it's saying "There is still a little hope despite the fact that you have married an AS man. Here are strategies to eek out a little satisfaction where you can, and accept the fact that you're going to have a very disappointing and lonely marriage." .... This does little to encourage me on the issue of marriage.

By the way, if anyone has the book (I can't find it in the store), what are the 22 things she mentions?

If you look it up on Google Books you can see the table of contents which lists the 22 items. Based on reviews it seems like a lot of folks think it stereotypes men with AS and is rather negative.

foreword is by maxine aston, that says it all.

put it in the bin.

I just saw the table of contents... wow... Also, lots of this isn't true. I have no problem with lots of sex, public displays of affection, and I can hold down a job. I don't know where she gets her information from.... but I don't think any woman who takes all this book says seriously would ever get near an AS man... it's so overly negative in tone.

The book doesn't take into account that we all grow. Even if you take an NT, no one was born having perfect social skills. So even NT needs to put effort to learn -- as in parents teaching their little kids to say hello and so forth. So an aspie needs to put more effort than NT does; but still with effort an aspie can learn too it just requires more effort. On the other hand, if there is this book, then no matter how much aspie learns, the NT-s will never give him a chance to show it. So it is this book that blocks an aspie rather than the Asperger itself.

I have read the book (which is more of a booklet than a real book), it is actually written by a female Aspie. As a female NT who had two past relationships with Apies I can relate to some of the things mentioned but I did not find the book very helpful.

People who take this too serious are probably better to not get near anyway. Its saving us trouble of having to filter out these people.

I read the book cover to cover.

Most of the 22 things were negative qualities that some Aspies have, basically a list of all the problems Aspies create in relationships. As long as people understand the caveat that each Aspie is different and likely has half (but not all of the 22 negative traits).

This is clearly a book about getting through difficulties, and therefore positive comments like "You may be fascinated by his brilliant mind and unique imagination" would be beside the point to mention. I doubt any woman would consult a "help book" to determine whether she will date someone with AS.

In fact, I doubt there are many women, aside from those on the spectrum themselves, who would think about what it's like to date someone with AS before actually having been in a relationship with one, and finding out his condition after the fact. They would not choose a man based on his AS, or lack thereof, except to the extent that some of the positive traits may be what attracts them to begin with.

I also wonder, especially with the author being on the spectrum, if the book discusses whether women with AS present some of the same issues, especially those who are bisexual/lesbian in orientation. For instance, it mentions in the introduction that the women most attracted to men with AS are often in caretaking professions. Is this also true of the men in relationships with aspie women, or, seeing as there are much fewer men in those professions to begin with, what about the (neurotypical) women in relationships with aspie women, who are attracted to other women?

Well I guess she's explained <1% of the divorce cases. I look forward to the next 40 volumes.

Personally, I would not recommend that book. I have read it, however in my defense I would like to say it was borrowed from the local library so the author hasn't received any money from me for what I consider to be a hate filled rant against anybody on the spectrum based on her failed relationship which was obviously entirely the Aspies fault, with nothing at all attributable to her.

Oh, and obviously every aspie in the world is exactly the same.

[/sarcasm]

I never read that book but based on things I've read about it from reviews & such; I think the book is talking about the worst case scenarios with dating Aspies. I find it very odd that book for NT women dating Aspie men is written by an Aspie women. How would an Asie women know what it's like for an NT women I suspect she was the one who had those problems when she was in her two relationships & she turned it around & blamed the Aspie guys instead. I am opposite of a lot of the problems she talks about.
I think the author was a member here like a year or so ago. I won't say her name because I do not want to violate forum rules but there was an Aspie woman here who kept complaining about Aspie men & promoting the book when women posted about relationships with Aspie men.

Is there one for NT men who love AS women? I'd be scared to read it though. >.<