trying to understand a girl

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I recently asked out the loveliest female in my life. She is nearly as socialy awkward as I am though that stems more from coming from a sheltered family rather than Aspergers (in my case). after we had the best conversation ever and suprisingly non-awkward for the amount of personal-ness(I declare thats a word) in the conversation. She told me that she "doesent mind and enjoyss the idea of a relationship between us but wants to get to know me better (weve known eachother for 4 months and seen eachother around 16-25 times in that period. Now I need to know is that response a freindly rejection like I know the "I dont want to put our freindship at risk" line or is it a legit attitude that a girl carrys?

That's a legitimate attitude, especially for someone not confident in their social ability or ability to gauge people. You mentioned that she was from a sheltered family and so probably has little to no dating experience. Additionally, the quote from her makes it sound very promising. Good luck!

awesome, thanks man

Sounds like she legitimately cares. Keep up the good work.

If you are satisfied with that kind of relationship - then continue.

The fact that you have gone out many times and she is still keeping you at arms length tells me that she is not interested in you.

Technically - she is probably using you.

It has been my experience that when I find someone I like - they hold me at arms length for a while until they build mutual trust.

The only problem is - once you break up, they end up screwing the first guy that comes along with no concern for who they are or don't know anything about them other then the fact that the new guy is cute..

I take this as a personal insult.
But I find some solace in knowing that most times what ever she did to me she will do to him.
Or that what ever she did to me, he will do to her.

50% of all marriages ends up in divorce court.
Or as the guy on Lizard Lick Towing would say - all divorces starts with a wedding.

Coming from an NT female,I honestly think she's interested in you and just taking it slowly. Nothing wrong with that! I don't think she's using you. What is it she could be using you for? Money, Sex??? One can only be used if they allow it. She's been sheltered so I think this explains why she's taking it slowly. Not every woman/girl is quick to fast forward the relationship. I actually think it's a good thing. The fact that she's spending so much time with you is also a good indicator that she's interested. She said she enjoys the idea of a relationship between you two so go with that. Take her at her word.

Hope things work out

Id take her at her word she is not intrested right now but could see herselff being intrested at some point in time

[quote="Ztrain"She told me that she "doesent mind and enjoyss the idea of a relationship between us but wants to get to know me better (weve known eachother for 4 months and seen eachother around 16-25 times in that period. Now I need to know is that response a freindly rejection like I know the "I dont want to put our freindship at risk" line or is it a legit attitude that a girl carrys?[/quote]

Sounds like the type of thing I would have said when I was dating (which I did very little of) if I could have articulated myself properly. (First couple of dating experiences were very tentative and complete failures). I have been with my partner for almost 10 years but he just recently confessed to me that for a long time at the beginning of the relationship he wasn't really sure I was interested. I just felt so vulnerable and wanted to get to know him really well to know if I could trust him. I guess I also had intimacy issues and had to work up to things. I can't imagine a manipulative woman giving that particular response - that's too thought out for the manipulative type in my opinion.

If she actually said she "doesn't mind" the idea of a relationship, that to me says she just wants to be friends but likes you enough to not want to hurt your feelings. "Doesn't mind" is a cue for not interested (it implies something could be a bother, irritating, etc). But if what she actually said was she "would like" or "likes" the idea, then that is a sign she is interested but wants to take it slow.

A lot of girls are brought up to be wary of guys using them, so her caution is normal. Especially if she comes from a sheltered family. If you're truly interested, keep getting to know her as a friend. Even if she's not interested in a relationship right now, she may get interested as she learns more about you.

I keep coming back to the fact that she says she enjoys the idea of a relationship with you. Take that for what it is! She didn't say "I enjoy the idea of a relationship with you, but..." She said she enjoys the idea of a realtionship with YOU! Not just she enjoys the idea of a realtionship, but one with YOU! She is spending a lot of time with you. I don't see how that can be a bad thing unless you don't want to spend all this time with her.

I'm an NT female and it sounds like everything is moving in the right direction. I am a lot like her as in it takes me a while to trust a guy enough to say I am "dating" or that he is my "boyfriend". That being said, I don't hang out with guys I am not interested in as much as she has hung out with you so I believe she truly likes you. I wish you the best.

I agree with BrenJB. I am also an NT female. She would not be spending all this time with you if she wasn't interested.