Friends as "bridge" to dating.... lying

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I understand the theory of, "make more friends, have a bigger social circle to just meet girls." The thing is though, I DON'T want any guy friends. I just want 1 solitary girlfriend, and mabye 2 or 3 other friends at most. I don't want a big social circle I have to make massive overwhelming commitments and obligations to.

On a thread a few weeks ago, I think I told everybody what they wanted to hear when I said, "I do indeed want more guy friends." The thing is that that statement is a complete lie, and I am far happier with not having a massive social life. I feel no shame in saying that I would prefer not to have friends.

It would be nice to have one girlfriend who I am just happy sitting home with and doing things like playing board games. I would be happy with that as my comfort zone. I don't feel compelled to go out and try and make 40 bogus friendships just in the vain hope that I can be introduced to somebody or the other.

In my life, I have NEVER wanted a large # of guy friends, but I have lied time and time again in my life to people like my parents, as I thought it was socially unacceptable and "uncool" to declare that you actually did not want friends.

I would prefer a boyfriend and not more than two or three friends Max. I have not had a close female friend since high school. I do not count the ones that did drugs or drank and usually stole from me. Its difficult, this loneliness isn't it. Ive dated before, but never for very long and always by guys who did not treat me right.

I relate to that. I would much rather a girlfriend to do stuff with instead of having a bunch of other friends I'm not very close to. I do want to have a couple friends thou & I could really use one rite now sense I don't have a girlfriend. Having lots of friends doesn't necessarily increase your dating pool or chances of getting a date. I asked friends to set me up & introduce me to women & none of them ever did.

Having a social life increases your chances of finding a partner, but that doesn't mean that you need to have close friends and social responsibilities. You can meet potential love interests at work, at a book or sports club, or in a support group. The important thing is that you get out there, meet new people and have a reason to talk to them. You don't need any friends for that.

Well, I kinda need guy friends. Girl friends usually aren't too keen on like "HEY LETS GO TAKE A TRANSMISSION OUT TODAY." Or go weight lifting. Or hit a punching bag. It's rather hard to find like...any, girl friends that'll do that stuff. Hell I find it hard to find male friends that wanna do that stuff. It'd be sweet though if I found some hot girl who wanted to do that stuff, and if she could cook, oh man, that'd be awesome.

That said, it's not like you NEED a social network with guys, it just makes things easier. You get introduced to people that way. Otherwise, your only option is randomly walking up to girls in public and striking up conversations and somehow convincing them to go out with you. Or post ads on Craigslist.

But, as part of a larger thing, having friends indicates a healthy social life, which people take into account in their assessments with people. If you don't have any friends, people obviously ask why, and it makes you suspect, and they generally assume the worst why (that you're an as*hole) so that's the real reason you need other friends for romantic relationships. I mean it's one thing not to go out clubbing and to bars and hang out with your friends all the time, but she'd likely think it's severely abnormal if you have NO other friends that you like, call on the phone once every week or so or something.

The other thing too, if you do have no friends at all, and get a girl, she might be very manipulative, as since she's your only friend, she has a lot more leverage, as you have no support network if your relationship with her goes sour, and generally something that happens is, once you're in a relationship, and especially once you're married, you'll get more distant with your friends anyway, and some women like to go "ah, if you want to go out with me, you can't hang out with _____" or just in general complain about your friends.

I once had a relationship for 10 weeks without feeling the need of anybody else at all in my life (she had no close friends either at the time).......I was wary of neglecting the few not-so-close friends I had, and pushed myself into keeping at least a minimum of contact with them, but as far as my emotions went, I was fine with just a partner.

But I don't think it's usually healthy. The lack of friends means that there's nothing social to bring back to the relationship, and having all your social stuff invested in one person can make it very difficult to keep a sense of perspective. If you start to disagree or get into problems, there's nobody who knows you who can help. It can also be a huge burden for the partner to feel that they alone are your only source of social nurturance, that if you can't share a thing with them, you can't share it full stop. Other people somehow provide points of reference for you as a couple.

I do find it easier to get on with (some) women than (most) men, and time with guys usually feels less interesting than time with women, but I think it's important to pursue friendship regardless of gender......I think it can be dangerously narcissistic to feel that life has to be rubbish without a sexual partner. I think that more limited, platonic friendships are important because they aren't extremely important like a relationship, if that makes any sense. Mistakes don't have such bad consequences. Expectations aren't so heavy.