what happened here?

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sorry about the legnth

so has anyone met someone who they felt almost instantly connected with? i met this girl on okcupid, this brilliant, creative, perfectly odd girl... who oddly enough has aspergers just like me. we exchanged a few messages and decided to meet, we spent 5 hours just walking around talking, in a month we exchanged more than 3000 txts (thats 3000, not a typo). we talked constantly, not in one sided rambles, but actual conversations. we dated for about a month before i ended up moving to an apartment a few blocks from her (the move was in the planning stages before we even started talking just a coincidence). a couple days after i moved she came over, the first time we were alone together, we watched a few movies, and after that we talked a bit about where we wanted the night to go, we started kissing and then that moved to fooling around, and thets all that happened, we fell alseep together. the next day after i dropped her off at her house and she got off work it was like a switch had flipped, we stopped talking her replies got very short, and started coming longer and longer after they were sent, it became everything youd expect from an aspie. after about a week i finally got something out of her, she said that she was feeling "an emotion she couldnt describe" and after another week we stopped dating. its bee a month and a half maybe 2, we still talk and i occasionally get a glimmer of how things were between us. ive asked her if she wants me to stop cantacting her and she tells me that she doesnt and apoligizes to me for being a bad friend or a bad person, im not angry and i dont blame her for anything, i just want to understand, what happened?

Maybe even though she thought she could cope with the kissing and fooling around perhaps it left her with a bad feeling the next day? Maybe things felt too intense - too much too soon? It sounds like an internal battle she is having that probably doesn't have a whole lot to do with you.

I tend to be very black and white with people. I'm either completely obsessed with someone or I am not really very interested in them at all. There doesn't seem to be much in between.

Some people I have been very close to, I suddenly lose interest in for no reason whatsoever. Maybe thats what happened with this girl.

Sorry to hear about your story by the way, it must be tough for you to deal with.

In the worst possible scenario, either there's someone else in the loop or she's lost interest in you and doesn't regard you a potential mate at this stage and she wants to keep you as a friend. Sounds like you probably initiated things too fast and allowed her to determine the dynamics of the relationship which made her lose interest or attraction value in her eyes, maybe she wants to keep you around as a casual friend in case this new situation doesn't work out

If that isn't the case and I'm hoping it isn't, she could be having an emotional overload and she isn't someone that is used to a strong amount of commitment, is she on the spectrum? It could be that she's simply withdrawing herself, I have done it in the past myself.

She has aspergers

Aspies tend to get overwhelmed & shutdown after being in a relationship for a bit especially if it was intense. She may still want to keep you as a friend or think she might be ready for a relationship with you sometimes in the future.

This! Furthermore, I know several autistic people, including me, who withdraw when they start to get too close to someone. It may be paranoia of being hurt or something, but for whatever reason, we start to feel anxious when we think about being with the people we're getting close to. Back off a little but stay in contact with her. Maybe you should let her know that you won't hurt her and see if you can get back in contact with her again. This time, go slower. I don't think she's lost interest in you; I think she's probably just scared.

Welll i guess the question becomes, how do i get her back? Its only been a a little over a month and a half but a lots happend inour lives, her brother dying, me loosing my job, and my fathers hospitalization.

well, i think you should focus on your job, first.

after that is all said and done, i would tell her how you feel. ask her if she was just scared because you went too fast and she overloaded or something (use better words XD). tell her you thought your relationship could really work out, and that you really liked spending time with her, and that you miss being able to call her your girlfriend. tell her you want her to think about maybe trying again, and going as slow as she wants. make sure you let her know that, if she decided she cant see herself being with you long term, she should tell you without beating around the bush. if this is the case, then its best to move on, because you will only hurt yourself if you keep trying, and keep 'gazing at her from afar' while you remain friends.

i mean.. clearly you have feelings for her. if you dont act on them, and keep the guise up, it will just hurt you more and more.

You cant. Trying to get her back will put pressure on her which will drive her away or she'll get into the realtionship again feeling pressured. Let her know that she can come to you if she wants anything & then give her her space

From my experience, little niggles (meaning little problems if you are american) in a relationship got to me, and I couldn't take it.

So maybe she's trying to rid herself of those niggles before she can talk to you again...if you did something in any way to doubt you, then that could be another reason, it's not your fault, as we all have our little weird things others do not like, but maybe she found it too much?

Like you said, you got on so well.

^^^this.

OP, it is kind of looking like you are not too likely to get her back. i looked through your old posts and you've asked us for advice since she first started turning cold. it kind of seems like it might really be over at this point. if you want to be friends with her that is great, because it seems like she is wanting to be friends with you. but if you are not satisfied with being friends then you might want to pack it in. waiting for something more to happen is fairly likely to be an exercise in futility.

when she said that she was feeling something new, it may have been that the feelings were too intense for her and she is not ready for that at this stage in her life. or it could be the case that when you two were making out she didn't feel the chemistry she hoped for. it's hard to say. but either way it looks like she is not wanting a romantic relationship with you.

i am sure that if you continue on with OKCupid you are likely to find some new people to date. this girl gave you mixed signals and was very unclear about her feelings and intentions. i think you'll find there are many other people you can date who would be frank and upfront about their feelings instead of waffling.

If she doesn't want a relationship, why not tell him outright? Leaving him to work it out for himself is unkind in the circumstances.

i agree, she should have told him. which is one of the reasons why i encouraged him to find someone new.

I should also mention that when we sroped dating she tolde she wanted "a friend and maybe a lover" just realized i forgot that

Also its not like we arent talking, we txt a bit every day