So I had my first meetup with the woman I met on OKC

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Personally I would consider this a red-flag straight away. If she thinks its alright to leave so many guys hanging in suspense then I'd have to question her attitude towards men. Whose to say if you were to go on more dates with this woman it then blossomed into a relationship of some sort that she wouldn't ditch you, the moment someone else took her eye.

Don't beat yourself up about this as you haven't done anything wrong here. But I'd tread carefully regarding this woman as an individual as she might be more trouble then what she's worth and it sounds like she hasn't got her priorities right.

She's perfectly entitled to, as is he.

But she was honest, and she admitted she wasn't sure what she wanted. And if you saw this woman, you could see why she could afford the luxury of being choosy: intelligent, driven, concerned with her health and just a very lovely woman.

If there's others she's considering, I don't have a chance, I'm so low on the foodchain compared to other guys...

If she doesn't know what she wants now then there's a good chance that after all of these 'first dates' that she still won't know what she wants and end up choosing no one. What would your response be if that happened, surely you would feel that you had your time wasted?

I'm not saying that you should cease contact with her, but if I was in your position then I'd most likely no longer consider her gf material.

I'm not sure if you see the pattern in every single one of your posts, you start off saying something positive, and then always end by putting yourself down... my advice is to ... just stop typing after the 1st paragraph.

Maybe you really do feel this much despair, maybe you are trying to get our sympathies, maybe you have a sweetly self-deprecating sense of humor... but this type of thinking is POISON.

What it comes down to is I like this woman, and dammit, I'm gonna go for her. Do what I can to prove I am worthy of her love, and earn it. Gonna keep in touch, and try to see her again, see her as many times, and through that hope that she'll start to see me for me...someone capable of real love and companionship and loyalty who is seeking much the same.

Yes, but be cool about it, don't make a dick of yourself.

Okay but try to be proactive with your time, like with running but something to take your mind off it.

Good for her but I would have dismissed her as a potential girlfriend after she said she was embarking on a series of first dates.How was that supposed to make you feel ? Most people know after one dinner date whether or not they are attracted to someone .

I think it has been said a number of times so far, but I just want to pipe up and add to the stack of "Why you talk so bad to yourself?"

Seriously. Would you date yourself? What is most attractive to women is authentic confidence. If you don't think you are worth anyone's time, and that all the activities that you so carefully apply yourself are pointless, how is that attitude going to convince anyone else of your worth and potential as a boyfriend? Quiet confidence is beautiful, magnificent... To just declare that you don't require anyone's approval is brave and attractive.

That is what I think several others are nudging you toward.

Yes. Even we as Aspie's need social interaction, love, affection, respect, and approval. What you are forgetting is that if you don't give it to yourself first, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

I'll tell you a little story. I just turned 30 this past year. The things you've written about yourself in this thread could have been written by me. I've indulged in negative self-talk (and yes! it is indulgence) for most of my life. I don't know quite how it began to change, but I changed. I've been slowly realizing that when I reject myself, I reject all the beautiful, unique, and unknown things and people who could love me as I am.
I abandon myself at the bottom of the well, sobbing, rejected.

So who is really leaving you to be lonely and rejected? It is you. You are.
Even if you had an amazing girlfriend who adored you, if you still despised yourself as much as you do now, you wouldn't be happy. You would feel empty, frustrated that she didn't see you as you see you, in pieces and flawed.
This I know. I've learned that lesson so thoroughly, that even though I know I'm sounding preachy right now, I can't help myself from telling you. You sound desperate to fill a hole in your heart that exists only because you carved it out due to your own fear.

And you are worth so much. Your body wants to live! It breathes!
Stop telling yourself lies about what you should think or be.

I used this negative self talk to keep people away. I am a chameleon champion, always becoming something new every time someone showed interest in being my friend, wanting to date me. I thought if I was giving them the person they wanted to be with then they would be happy and they would stay with me and fill up my emptiness.
What always (and I mean ALWAYS) happened was that I abused myself for the acceptance and "love" of someone I couldn't even respect because they didn't even know me and what I thought and what horrible things I told myself in my head. That is not living. That is not healthy.

Now, I'm trying to be authentic. Even in my fear, my anxiety, my depression, I am trying to look at myself with compassion. How can I expect compassion from anyone else if I cannot be compassionate to myself? It is so hard to do, but I keep trying because I am worth it. You are worth it. We are all bright sparks in this vast sky, and our special twinkling is so vital to the pattern.

Now I've gone on too long.

You can't control other people by pinning yourself to the cork board like a butterfly. You'll die and they will mourn the bright fluttering beauty that they could have seen flying free.

Great advice above, you need to love and respect yourself but you can engage another person. If you are negative, you will only bring negativity to that relationship. You need to determine your own sense of value and not allow yourself to be beaten by these irrational core beliefs you have instilled in yourself.

Personally I recommend Cognitive behavioural therapy as it is a great way to reprogram your core beliefs and help you to think in a more logical and rational sense.

Glassjailer is my new favorite. Insightful, incisive advice.

She hasn't replied to my invite to check out the art galeries this evening. I guess I never had a chance.

Part of me still wants to go out and see what happens.

The other wants to stay in and work. I don't know what.

Work gives me little joy because there is no one to share with.

Did you message her the day of or did you give her a few days notice?

This morning. I was trying to be spontaneous, since I am to understand women like that. She normally repliesalmost right away. Now, nothing.

I love checkingthe galleries on first Friday but lately it sickens me, because I see all these happy couples, or groups of friends I am not a part of. Beautiful women I dare not speak to because I'll be rejected. Young people who make me realize that at 27 I'm already an old man past my prime, except I never had a prime. Was mediocre always will be.

Well I know you can do what glassjailer just mentioned as you put yourself out to try and get this one girl to like you to accept yourself so other potential females can see you being happy about yourself.