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IlovemyAspie
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08 Apr 2012, 6:37 pm

I think it was mentioned earlier-I think some people feel they will be able to just have sex with someone and it not mean anything. But then after it happens they realize they have some sort of emotional connection with the other person. I realize that some people feel that sex was brought about only as a means of procreation, and while I agree that procreation is a part of it I also feel that sex is more than just physical. It's more emotional than physical. That's why people get scarred by sexual experiences. I know that some people are able to suppress the emotional aspect but I agree with MountainLaurel about sex being serious intimacy and the comments that followed that remark.



calamity138
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08 Apr 2012, 8:27 pm

Only being able to speak from personal experience/personal conversations for most people sex = intimacy, physical and/or emotional. Having sex after social interaction = emotional intimacy. This is increasingly true when dealing with us women and less true in men, all individuals vary.

There is nothing wrong with causal encounters but without both parties having clear communication, i.e. "I really like your company but I'm not interested in dating, how do you feel about a strictly physical relationship?" One night stands etc. etc. It's mostly a disaster waiting to happen.

Implied does not work, some women are hopeful when they find a person they are interested in and who seems to have interest in them. Being explicit is best. It's a choice really, a little hurt to their feelings now or boiled bunny and a ruined shower later. (damn i'm old...lol)



cozysweater
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08 Apr 2012, 10:33 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
cozysweater wrote:
Women have a much stronger oxytocin response than men. In men the window of oxytocin influence lasts like 2 days. For women it typically lasts 2 weeks. So women may, even unintentionally, have a more emotional and long lasting response to sex than maybe they intended. Although, I would also say that if someone sleeps with you within roughly 4 hours, they probably don't have the best self-esteem and maybe that should have been a warning to both you and them. (if you don't know your date well enough to trust them to watch your dog for a weekend, why allow them inside your body?)

wouldn't it also imply that the OP has low self-esteem, then?


Yes, because I tend to be a little judgy, but then in reality I don't know the OP's life. I only know that casual hookups don't make ME happy. Obviously that doesn't apply to everyone.



meems
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09 Apr 2012, 12:01 am

I think my self-esteem is abnormally high.(it may not be) If I had slept with someone to feel wanted or accepted I would say I have a problem.

Something odd I just realized because I was thinking "if I were a guy..." why don't I ever hear about how men have low self-esteem? That's an aside obviously.

Anyway I thought since it was clear I had a one night stand out of horniness("when my libido gets the better of me") that it would clear up any questions of low self-esteem. Is having sex in and of itself an indicator of low self-esteem? I made it clear we know each other so... is it just not being in a specific kind of relationship?



hyperlexian
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09 Apr 2012, 12:03 am

you don't come across like you have low self-esteem. it's funny that in our society we assume that women who are promiscuous have low self-esteem, yet men who do so are simply behaving according to their "nature"


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cozysweater
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09 Apr 2012, 12:21 am

meems wrote:
I think my self-esteem is abnormally high.(it may not be) If I had slept with someone to feel wanted or accepted I would say I have a problem.

Something odd I just realized because I was thinking "if I were a guy..." why don't I ever hear about how men have low self-esteem? That's an aside obviously.

Anyway I thought since it was clear I had a one night stand out of horniness("when my libido gets the better of me") that it would clear up any questions of low self-esteem. Is having sex in and of itself an indicator of low self-esteem? I made it clear we know each other so... is it just not being in a specific kind of relationship?


If I'm making you feel judged or bad, that's not my intent. In fact my earlier response to Hyperlexian was meant as a joke, but I'm clearly not adept at that. :oops: I apologize. Party 'til the wheels come off :)



meems
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09 Apr 2012, 8:27 pm

I don't feel bad, you just got my brain wheels turning and now I'm wondering what it would take for someone to say a guy has low self-esteem. Maybe NOT having sex when presented with the opportunity.



AScomposer13413
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09 Apr 2012, 9:16 pm

meems wrote:
I don't feel bad, you just got my brain wheels turning and now I'm wondering what it would take for someone to say a guy has low self-esteem. Maybe NOT having sex when presented with the opportunity.


That's one instance. Being a guy, usually they don't say those words outright. It's more in the vein of "You're not a man" or "You're weak!" or "How could you not get that she was into you?" :?