A question for older Aspies

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So, basically, as an Aspie, it's just luck of the draw, then? You have to just wait for someone who finds you quirky and attractive?

I also find job hunting very difficult as well. I haven't worked full time for eight months. I've had casual work here and there since, but no luck finding any permanent work (a pipe dream in this day and age).

It can go both ways... not knowing about Asperger's when I was young didn't prevent me from getting my heart broken. I did have relationships but I was (and still am) very innocent and so it didn't work out very well. I am a magnet for manipulative people. I just turned 30 and have been married twice. The first time, I didn't want to get married but didn't speak up (pregnant after sex only once at 16 when losing virginity, despite telling the boyfriend no). The second time, I married a guy who was in seminary and I was preparing for a life as the preacher's wife. He left me and our toddler when I was 23 so he could go see what it was like to have sex with other women. He has never paid child support and I have worked really hard to keep my head above water and get my education. I was chaste and didn't date for 6 years and then met an guy who said he was an Aspie... whether he is or not remains to be seen, I suspect he may be a lazy sociopath, but it doesn't matter.

So... 3 relationships in and I'm not sure I wouldn't trade you places. I love my kiddo, so I can't complain too much. And I have a great life and I appreciate it. But I have absolutely piss poor judgement skills when it comes to people. If someone tells me something, I believe it.

It can go both ways... not knowing about Asperger's when I was young didn't prevent me from getting my heart broken. I did have relationships but I was (and still am) very innocent and so it didn't work out very well. I am a magnet for manipulative people. I just turned 30 and have been married twice. The first time, I didn't want to get married but didn't speak up (pregnant after sex only once at 16 when losing virginity, despite telling the boyfriend no). The second time, I married a guy who was in seminary and I was preparing for a life as the preacher's wife. He left me and our toddler when I was 23 so he could go see what it was like to have sex with other women. He has never paid child support and I have worked really hard to keep my head above water and get my education. I was chaste and didn't date for 6 years and then met an guy who said he was an Aspie... whether he is or not remains to be seen, I suspect he may be a lazy sociopath, but it doesn't matter.

So... 3 relationships in and I'm not sure I wouldn't trade you places. I love my kiddo, so I can't complain too much. And I have a great life and I appreciate it. But I have absolutely piss poor judgement skills when it comes to people. If someone tells me something, I believe it.

It can go both ways... not knowing about Asperger's when I was young didn't prevent me from getting my heart broken. I did have relationships but I was (and still am) very innocent and so it didn't work out very well. I am a magnet for manipulative people. I just turned 30 and have been married twice. The first time, I didn't want to get married but didn't speak up (pregnant after sex only once at 16 when losing virginity, despite telling the boyfriend no). That didn't end well as he beat the crap out of me and the baby died. The second time, I married a guy who was in seminary and I was preparing for a life as the preacher's wife. He left me and our toddler when I was 23 so he could go see what it was like to have sex with other women. He has never paid child support and I have worked really hard to keep my head above water and get my education. I was chaste and didn't date for 6 years and then met an guy who said he was an Aspie... whether he is or not remains to be seen, I suspect he may be a lazy sociopath, but it doesn't matter.

So... 3 relationships in and I'm not sure I wouldn't trade you places. I love my kiddo, so I can't complain too much. And I have a great life and I appreciate it. But I have absolutely piss poor judgement skills when it comes to people. If someone tells me something, I believe it.

A couple other thoughts I had in the middle of the night:

- a lot of us Aspies, once we discover we have AS, seem to kinda take that as a license to say, "there are certain things I'm really good at and certain things I'm really bad at, and I should not be expected to do the things I'm really bad at." So before I decided I had AS, I tried (harder than I do now, anyway) to be able to do NT things, but now I'm more likely to blow them off and just wait for somebody else to pick up the ball... i.e., the Mrs. And that gets to be frustrating to a life partner, especially when we decide that the things we're really good at (video gaming, programming, trivia games) don't exactly contribute a whole lot to the relationship.

- I think there's a subtle effect... whatever things the Mrs. really cares about, I feel like she expects perfection, and if it's one of those things - like dealing with plants and other living things - that I am "really bad at," I tend to hide out rather than try to help and doing a bad job. There have been a bunch of painting project things (cans of paint, brushes, rollers) sitting on the washer waiting to be put away and every time I think about putting them away, I think of all the times she's gotten annoyed because she wanted something and it wasn't where she thought it would be. It is in some weird place that Charles put it. So I avoid the task because I don't want to be blamed when she can't find something - but I'm sure it comes across as me just being lazy. I am a big time "organizer," but when I worked on re-organizing the cookbook shelf this morning (something she wanted done), I wound up with a big stack of cookbooks with a note on top of the stack that said, "decide." The cookbooks I knew were keepers I was able to neatly organize and arrange on the shelves, but the ones that I wasn't sure of (I would just send them to Goodwill or recycle), I don't want to be responsible for throwing away the "cake decorating" books when she suddenly decides she wants to decorate a cake. Or give them to a friend who has decided to try cake decorating.

I could tell more stories, but... rant off. Just wanted to toss in the comment that one of the things about knowing that we're an Aspie that can work against us is that we start feeling like we should be "accommodated" for some things that we used to try to muddle through, and that this may work against us when it comes to relationships...

Don't worry that some men are better than you at social skills.
There's always somebody better than you at at something, no matter WHO you are!
Worry about getting good enough at what you're trying to do to achieve your goals.
At the end of the day, that's all that matters.
Being better than the other guy is like having a higher score in a video game: at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.
Just work on getting better at social skills, one day at a time. It's the only chance you have at getting to where you want to be socially that you have.