Would you dump someone who got fat?

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11 May 2012, 4:07 pm

I'd not dump my bf if he gained a lot of weight. I never wanted him for his looks anyway. What would be problematic however is if he'd gain so much weight he can't actually leave his home anymore, like when he's really obese. But then I'd probably try to get to some weight loss and exercise plan with a nutritionist and not just dump him like that.

Zinia
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11 May 2012, 4:18 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

It is a given. We live in a world where appearance matters, whether you like it or not. I wish we didn't, I really do. Maybe I'd be a happier person, but you're pissing in the wind.
I'd rather play the game than sit on the sideline moaning about it.

It's fine to work on your appearance to attract the opposite sex.

But I've met people who have an absolutely wonderful relationship, when one or both of them were obese.

And I've met skinny people who absolutely cannot find anyone that works for them--regardless of their attractive body.

Appearance isn't a formula for a happy relationship.

ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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11 May 2012, 4:22 pm

Of course not, but it's a part of the bigger picture of attraction.

bucephalus
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11 May 2012, 4:53 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

bruinsy33 wrote:

I am very fit,I exercise daily and watch what I eat.I have always been athletic so I don't think I would be compatible with someone who was overweight.I really don't think that is being ''superficial'' but generally obese individuals seem to prefer a sedentary lifestyle which wouldn't mesh very well with my interests.

i am extremely attractive (i compete in hip hop dancing) and i am not fat.

fixed for you. see pages 1-7 for evidence. Oh, and if a 20-stone 65yr-old guy with a huge belly, no flashy muscles, and some variety in their diet runs five miles a day - he's as fit as a fiddle. end of

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hyperlexian
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11 May 2012, 11:20 pm

*blush* ok you got a smile out of me on the bus. thanks bucephalus :heart:

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hyperlexian
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12 May 2012, 1:35 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

It's your duty as a human being and to your partner to make an effort.

i don't really understand why you think that "making an effort" means "being relatively thin". really, i'd rather that a partner spent the time reading books, making art/music, etc. rather than working out.

I mean neither fat or thin, and doing some exercise every other day doesn't prevent anyone from doing any of those things. It may prevent you from watching some crap on TV if you normally watch it.
It's a (insert cliche here) out there and I don't want my partner or myself to be judged unfairly. I've been on the receiving end of too much BS in my youth and it's never going to change, and as much as I hate conforming to the great unthinking and unwashed's ideals, I had to be the one to change. People are s**theads, I find it works best for me to give them nothing to use against me.
I don't want my partner or I to be an easy target.

people are not so bad if you don't hate yourself. when i was morbidly obese i had no problems with people whatsoever.

a person could get exercise every single day and still be overweight or obese.

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hyperlexian
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12 May 2012, 1:36 am

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

you are not basing that on any actual evidence or statistics. if you look at the reasons why couples divorce, lost money and lost looks are not commonly cited.

I would hazard a guess as to why: People lie about their reasons so as not to appear shallow. Instead they use hollow phrases like "The spark just isn't there anymore" or "I need space". Something similar anyway.

Guys go after girls because they find them attractive, Girls go after guys for financial reasons. We are already starting to see Women with good jobs going after schlubby, no ambition having, loser guys because they find them attractive, and at the same time seeing guys going after women who make way more money than them.

I'm not saying that there isn't such a thing as genuine affection.. just that I don't think you can completely rule out Looks & Fiscal status as actual reasons why people break up..

For what it's worth, If we were dating, and she put on 5-10lbs I wouldn't.. Maybe not even 20lbs.. If she put on 30-50.. Probably. If we were married, I doubt it. It is hard to say. But I definitely don't find morbidly obese people attractive at all, and have no desire to be intimate with some one who is. Of course I also don't find older people attractive at all and have no desire to be intimate with the. But if I've made a choice to marry some one, chances are I'll stick by that choice regardless, since that is the whole point.

no, most women don't go after men primarily for their money, and most men don't go after women primarily for their looks.

if you want to assume people are lying about their reasons, then you could assert that ANY reason is true. you could say that most men divorce women because they make a horrible casserole, and most women divorce men because their feet stink. if there is no data, there is probably a good reason for it - it most likely isn't true.

I wish I lived in whatever world you live in, instead of, you know, the real one.

rigggggghhhhht and you're basing your opinion on what? hearsay? fairy tales? gossip? :lol:

i look at the facts, i don't speculate about nonsense.

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12 May 2012, 4:07 am

hyperlexian wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

It's your duty as a human being and to your partner to make an effort.

people are not so bad if you don't hate yourself. when i was morbidly obese i had no problems with people whatsoever.

a person could get exercise every single day and still be overweight or obese.

Like the majority I don't find morbid obesity attractive and attribute slovenly behaviour as its cause, so I wouldn't be happy with myself if I was that fat and I could never let myself go to that extent. Surely when a person stands on the scale and sees the number dramatically increase since their last visit, there should be an alarm in the person's mind to deal with it. I cannot understand anyone who wouldn't be alarmed.
It's not that I hate myself and I'm sure there are people who can exercise every day and still do not lose weight, and you'll probably have some obscure study somewhere to enforce your assertion, but they're the exception and either have thyroid problems, have a higher calorific intake than they burn, some serious diet issues or something else I'm unaware of. As for not having any problems with people, all I can say to that is you should try living here. In my experience most people are two faced lying bullies.
That whole schoolyard mentality never fades, especially in the workplace. Maybe I just live in a place full of c***s.

edgewaters
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12 May 2012, 4:40 am

hyperlexian wrote:

people are not so bad if you don't hate yourself.

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

In my experience most people are two faced lying bullies.
That whole schoolyard mentality never fades, especially in the workplace. Maybe I just live in a place full of c****.

Could be that location accounts for it ... my experience is that most people only react badly when they're faced with other people causing them problems they don't know how to cope with ... seems hyperlexian has the same perspective ... but is that just because we're Canadian? There's a cliche out there about us. Nice people. I can't say if it's true or not, nothing to measure it against. I've been outside the country, to the States and the UK, but I haven't lived anywhere else.

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12 May 2012, 4:51 am

edgewaters wrote:

because we're Canadian?

Possibly. For a reflection of life here, I'd suggest you watch the film Harry Brown.
There's a thin veil of civility in adulthood, but that hateful bastard schoolyard mentality is still there and it doesn't take much to bring it out.
It's like an ego-driven tier system. It's a pecking order. The only thing preventing people from making fun of the disabled or disfigured is the fact that it's not their fault, but even that doesn't stop some people. Bullies are bullied and it goes on. People with weight issues are picked on because of negative perception and the fact that it is preventable in the main. The Obese are percieved as slovenly, unhygienic people who eat KFC buckets inbetween meals and are too useless to help themselves.
I can count the number of genuinely decent people I've met in my life on one hand.

Hamza
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12 May 2012, 6:06 am

well... it depends , if it was a girl and got fat in her......( u know what i mean lol ) than i would quit her,otherwise i won't. But if it was a boy and i know him long time ago than i don't care about how fat he is, I just don't judg pple on how do they look like ^^

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12 May 2012, 6:17 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

Possibly. For a reflection of life here, I'd suggest you watch the film Harry Brown.

Seen it. Our cities are generally different, there are a few areas in the entire country where ghettoes have formed (notably downtown eastside Vancouver) but in general city planning is different here and socioeconomic groups are deliberately broken up so there isn't the same aggregation. I was on welfare once living next to a doctor, across the street was a bunch of expensive attached homes, kitty corner on the intersection was a homeless shelter/soup kitchen. Aggregation has too many problems, theres more social mobility and less crime when you reduce it.

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12 May 2012, 7:16 am

hyperlexian wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

you are not basing that on any actual evidence or statistics. if you look at the reasons why couples divorce, lost money and lost looks are not commonly cited.

I wish I lived in whatever world you live in, instead of, you know, the real one.

rigggggghhhhht and you're basing your opinion on what? hearsay? fairy tales? gossip? :lol:

i look at the facts, i don't speculate about nonsense.

Uh, no, I'm basing it on the way the world actually is. All around me. Constantly.

edgewaters
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12 May 2012, 8:38 am

rabbittss wrote:

Uh, no, I'm basing it on the way the world actually is. All around me. Constantly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anecdotal_evidence

JanuaryMan
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12 May 2012, 8:47 am

edgewaters wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

Uh, no, I'm basing it on the way the world actually is. All around me. Constantly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anecdotal_evidence

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12 May 2012, 8:48 am

edgewaters wrote:

rabbittss wrote:

Uh, no, I'm basing it on the way the world actually is. All around me. Constantly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anecdotal_evidence

So? If that's how the world is around me, that's how the world is around me. Me presenting her with this will not change her opinion, and her dithering on about how it's incorrect won't change my mind either. In MY world, people are shallow, spiteful, hateful, lying, cheating, stealing, as*holes who pretty much try their best to consume one another lest they themselves be consumed. I've never seen anything to dispel that. Cynicism is a shield.

This is how MY world is. If your world is different, then bully for you. But you telling me it isn't this way, doesn't seem to change how it actually is.

Surprise Surprise, We are at loggerheads on yet another issue. It always seems to be the same few posters who seek to pervert everything I say on this forum, to consistently turn me into the bad guy, regardless of how reasonable I'm being.

You can also always tell when some one is getting desperate in a discussion. They start to bring out the university public speaking class BS. Next thing you will be telling me I'm erecting Strawmen, using Ad-Hominem attacks, pedantically attacking spelling or grammar errors, or some other such dross. Why don't you try addressing my statements instead of dismissing them or hiding behind rules which only work in an organized debate?

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