Criticizing your girlfriend's appearance

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I liekd that c0ol bit at the end of you're post mm8.

Why? I mean, my gf has asked me to make changes to my appearance? She liked the way I looked to start with, so they haven't been especially big changes, but I happily made them. And, if there were anything about the way she looks I wanted to change, I wouldn't feel bad asking.

So long as he asks in a tactful manner, realizes that ultimately it's not up to him and, most importantly, would be willing to do the same for her, why is it a bad thing for him to make his preferences known?

That said, from what I've seen black women are touchier about their hair than any other women are about any aspect of their appearance. Use extreme caution.

Perhaps some of the people on this thread just want to call their girlfriends fat.

The last line of his post is just so happening, right now.

You do realize this is because of the way their hair is culturally policed. Wearing natural hair is still a pretty bold political statement and depending on your job, it can be a professional risk.
It's cool to say you like natural hair, it's a little less cool to say she should stop doing what she likes to do with her hair because you like a different thing.

No one ever said she was obligated to change for him. I only asked why it was a bad thing for him to ask.

kik its a lot easier when your girlfriend is asd too

my fiance is always cracking up how much easier it is to get me to change hair / clothes without getting offended then his previous relationships

i would advise not to do it once you are in a committed relationship either. i think she would still be entitled to some respect for her choices regarding her appearance.

it implies that she should be wearing her hair a certain way for him, as opposed to feeling attractive the way she is. over time, suggestions like that can severely undermine a person's confidence.

Entitlement? Respect? Nonsense! We should be critical of everything we do not like or understand! Liking people the way they are is so overrated

i know you're joking, but i just realised i shouldn't really use the word "entitled", because i tend to think nobody is entitled to anything. i should have phrased that differently maybe.

Errmm I know guys I have dated in the past have changed the way they look because of things I've said but I have never asked them to do it.

All I did was gush a bit when they have their hair in a way I like, and play with their hair accordingly. They started doing their hair like that more often. It's been similar with other aspects of appearance.

There's a big difference between liking it when someone does something a certain way and showing it and asking someone to change for you.

I distinctly remember that for one of my boyfriends in particular, he hated the way I dressed and would refuse to leave the house until I changed into something that was "acceptable" to him. Over a period of time, that can be very damaging to a person.

Like some folks have suggested already, I wouldn't set your heart on it. But it depends on her personality, her sexual politics, how she feels about you, etc. etc. Women I've known have had all kinds of attitudes to appearance issues........everything from one seeing it as none of my business to another asking me to tip her off if I ever thought she was about to go out "looking like a dyke or a tart" (her words). But nobody has ever been completely unresponsive to my feelings about how they look.

So I'd say give it a go. If it were me, I'd probably just say something like "I quite like it as it is, but to be honest I like it a lot better when it's woolly." And I'd give her a bit of time to get a bit fed up of her new style before I mentioned that.

Personally I wouldn't feel right at all in a relationship where my partner didn't take my honest views on her appearance reasonably seriously. If she sees her appearance as her domain entirely and just wants me to crank out unqualified approval, it's not going to work for either of us.

Some folks here seem to be asking, does this have anything to do with how much commitment there is in the relationship? I think there is a correlation, yes. If I'm committed to a partner, I cannot see any part of my life as none of her business, if she feels strongly about it. I know I can "show up" partners with my ragbag appearance, and I have no wish to make them feel ashamed of me in that way, or any other way. I've allowed my appearance to be controlled by partners, within reason. They often did it by buying clothes for me - crafty, eh? .One didn't like the idea of my getting my ear pierced, and although that annoyed me for a little while, if I'd gone off and had it done, it would have felt like I'd slapped her in the face.

Anyway, it shouldn't matter too much about her appearance, though naturally it's a shame if she starts looking a way that doesn't appeal to you..........one spouse of mine NEVER wore anything that I can honestly say I liked, but it wasn't a dealbreaker. It was more of a problem for her than for me. She would rail at me for never complimenting her clothes, I just can't do the BS "you look like a million dollars, honey" unless there's some truth in it, so I offered her a solution - that she took a bit of interest in my visual tastes, so that she'd be more likely to wear my kind of styles. But she didn't want to know.

I'm incorrigibly blunt about these things. I told one gf that I thought her knickers were creepy. They had metal studs all over them. She wasn't a Goth or anything so it was a bit of a shock.

Okay folks this is the deal. Wearing your hair "natural", curly","woolly" or whatever you want to call it can be a pain in the neck to maintain. You have to make sure there's enough moisturizer in it so it doesn't look like a birllo pad. It can turn into a nappy mess. Yes I said it, a nappy mess. I feel I can speak on such things. I don't know about the OP's girl but depending on what grade of hair you have it may not be that easy to flip flop between styles of straightness and woolieness.

I love my guys hair. It's the most beutiful hair I've ever seen...so soft...okay I digress. He knows I love it longer but guess what? He got it cut the other day. Oh well, it will grow back, he's still sexy as hell and he's the one that's got to maintain that stuff so he needs to do what's best for him. If he wanted me to wear my hair curly instead of straight, I may do it every now and again, but only because I know that even if I don't he's still going to feel the same about me.

I wouldnt change a thing about my bf