Somebody help me to understand my him?

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My partner says he loves me but that he don't desire me sexually because I'm fat. I love him very much and have desire for him. I've tried to take the first stap towards him, let him have time to take the first stap towards me, but he hardly does something and nothing happens. He even shows repulse for kissies and repels intimace fondling. We are together from a couple of years and in the beggining sex was good and it was in our everyday life. I don't see he desiring other women even if he says the contrary. I think he wants me to give him space and that only that way he could take the first stap into sexual intimace. What should I do and understand about his behaviour?

I forgot to say he probably has Aspergers syndrome.

My be it would be better to give him some time? Are you sure that you do not press on him?

Not to pry too much but did you gain weight recently or has it been consistent and he's just now complaining about it?

Don't know, maybe I do. Ah least he feels that I insistem a lot and don't Five him the chance of beimg the first. He says that if I woulds't do nothing he probably could go some steps toward me.

I'm the same since the first time we meet, but I made Manu attempts to become better and gave up

Lose weight or lose him.
I've met women I found very interesting but was put off because of excessive weight.
Physical attraction is very important and it's NOT something we have complete control over. I can not force myself to like obese women, although many people don't mind. I can not force women to like me too (and I have my share of shortcomings)... it's always a 2 way street.
It's important to notice that you shouldn't feel down because of it. You are what you are, and a lot of people like heavier women. If you're unhappy with your weight, though, take this as incentive


Keep in mind again that, even if you don't lose weight, there are people out there for you.

Best of luck.

I think as people become more and more comfortable in relationships; they tend to let things go. My female friends who are single hit the gym every day, do their hair, makeup, shave every day, nice clothes, the whole 9 yards.

My friends who are in long term relationships tend to slack up on these things out of comfort.

I don't really see how space matters here.

Why don't you guys become gym buddies? You can both go, spend time together, work on your exercise goals together, and exercise produces testosterone in both sexes, which is a hormone that increases sex drive.

Simple solution

^^^ Sensible.

One can love someone yet still find them a physical turn-off, especially if you started out looking one way then got bigger over the course of those two years.

If you looked exactly the same two years ago, we have a very different story. Care to fill us in on this missing detail?


Another angle is - has HE also gained weight over the last two years? Lost it?

Too many missing details to know for sure what's going on... but so far I don't think this is really an "Aspie thing"...

I think the real question here is, what f****d up your self-esteem and sense of self-worth to the point where you remain with a person who clearly states that they do not accept you, nor desire you?

^^^ Another valid point.

Still, fixing the problem and the relationship would be better than dumping the relationship and wallowing in pity about it. Harder - but worth it.

you are who you are...fat or not. and if he does not desire you for that, there is nothing you can do. love goes beyond the physical. and if he actually LOVED you, being fat or thin wouldnt matter. you are not someone he picked up at a bar to take home and screw...in that case, yes...the physical is of highest priority. however, in a relationship, it must be understood that people change, and if you still love them, you make accommodation. sorry to say it, but we all get old, we all get wrinkled, and most of us gain weight as we age. these are perfectly normal.

NT prospective here ( sorry if I offend anyone )

* Face Palm * If this guy doesn't love or desire you because you have gained wait and that is the only reason he wont touch you, I want to point out he is SHALLOW AS F***

A relationship is more than just looks, A LOT more.

I feel if he really loved you he would see past how you look.

Want an example? I'm used to my boyfriend having long hair, its something I always loved on him physical feature wise, Months ago he cut it off. Does it look a lot different? Yes, Have I gotten used to it Yes, Do I like it? It's different and I'm still getting used to it. But it doenst look bad nor does it bother me. Its about what HE likes what HE is comfortable with. Its HIS hair not mine.

Do I still think he's cute? Am I still attracted to him sexually? YES OF COURSE I AM.

My point?

If you love someone, truely love them a small change weather it be hair, weight gain/loss, clothing style. It should not matter If you really love them, real love, goes way WAY deeper than looks or small changes, if you've been with him for a few years gaining some weight shouldnt matter.

Yeah I could see if he was worried about your health but from your post he just seems upset that you've gained a bit.

As for the space thing, give it to him, my guy, who has AS has always felt smothered when I try to do romantic stuff so I've learned to back off and let him come to me when he feels comfortable. I'm still romantic and lovey-dovey but not as strongly as I was years ago.