I feel hopeless

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In my entire life, I've had one girlfriend (3 if you count online girlfriends), and she never liked me, she was just using me, not going to get into details, you can ask if you want, I'll pm the answer. But I digress. I really want a girlfriend, lately I get very sad when I see couple together, because I want that. Why, why can't I find a girl to love, is there something wrong with me? There are days I feel as if I am destined to be alone. Can someone help me, please?

Do you binge eat to cope with your loneliness?

no, I don't do anything like that, I just get bouts of sadness.

I'm almost 4 years older than you and have the same thing going on. Honestly, it's best just to appreciate what you have and accept it for what it is. There are two reasons for this:

1) Even if there is someone out there for you, you are never going to meet them if you aren't happy with yourself first. Accepting who you are and living with it is pretty much required for a relationship to manifest.

2) If things really don't work out... then hey, you still have plenty to be happy about.

The bottom line... control the things that are controllable, and live everyday doing what makes you the most satisfied. You only have one life to live, and it just isn't worth spending it brooding over your failures. Keep persevering regardless of what people think of you.

What I've been trying to do (because I feel the same way you do) I find things to live for each day, like waking up to my favorite morning radio show (and then downloading their prior podcasts for the weekends when they're not on the air) and reading some manga every morning (or you could read a book) and making that special and awesome breakfast, and lunch and dinner. These are just little things that make ME happy, and I've also gotten rid of my iPhone and began living like it's 1990 again with a digital alarm clock radio etc. I feel more organized when I have real things I can grab onto and real things to look forward too. Maybe even try saving so you can go on a vacation alone to a lake or something and just chill out. Or go out once a week or once a month to a resturaunt and just get catered to by somebody.

but if you don't binge eat, well I would start. Try a one day or two day binge. It feels reeeealllly good trying out different flavors of pizza, cookies, ice cream etc. Your brain triggers the reward center, food is like sex. It feels so good sometimes to indulge in these legal things. Or develop a caffeine addiction - caffeine is close to cocaine when you have a lot, and it makes everything feel right and clear when you've made that cup of hot joe.

I could sit here and tell you to see a therapist or call the "support network" but unless they're giving you drugs, there's really no need to talk to any therapists until you're meeting new people or getting laid. At least you're not smoking yourself dead right?

I am happy with myself, because I'm me, no one else (+1 to your cookie score if you get my reference)






Uh, I will never binge because I have an addictive personality. Also, I hate the taste of coffee. And correct, I don't smoke.

attraction is not a choice. At least for most women that are not on the spectrum. You need to learn what an attractive male looks like and learn there body language and other behaviors. you should read the book by Dr. Alex Benzer: The Tao of Dating. I just read it a few years ago I had no idea I showed signs of aspergers then and I never wanted to read a dating book cause it makes me feel phony. Well now I know I'm a dumb ass let me save you a quarter century read the book lol.

Having a girlfriend when you have no idea what she needs emotionally will not last long and she deserves more effort than that. I always admit that I learned my social skills/pickup skills from a book as soon as I can so if any peculiar behavior happens I have an opportunity to explain my aspergers but hopefully after I have shown her the curtsy of allowing her to feel attraction first. Women are almost all going to respond poorly to an offer of data about you. You may be able to select her but she needs feelings first then she will be interested in data. Women need to experience feelings in order to begin to feel attraction. A lot of behaviors I leaned to create emotional responses are natural to me now so they are no longer feel fake they are part of me. being yourself isn't good enough be your best self and learn the needs a girlfriend has, how to notice them and how to respond to them. also be careful if you are like me. I don't feel normal love towards a girl I tend to feel a love for my obsession I have for her. It's important to know what you have to offer in a relationship. good luck guys

Great advice.

Don't feel bad. There are a lot of guys out there, Aspie or not, that are still searching for their destined match. You're only 20, you'll find her eventually. In the meantime try to change yourself for the better. I've been talking to you via PM and it seems you have a big interest in anime and games, well despite popular belief there are girls out there with these same interests, and many of them have some of the same issues regarding relationships as you do. So if you're going to school join the anime club, or the gaming club, or if not then try to find places like an arcade or a video store that sells or rents anime, and just hang out there and try to meet new people. This is how friendships are made, and from my experience friendships with the opposite sex (or not depending on which way you swing) have great potential to become actual relationships, depending on how close the two of you are as friends.

MY biggest advice for you, however, is to can the negative attitude. The thing is your outlook on life can affect a lot of what happens to you. If you believe that you're going to be a forever alone, 40-yr-old virgin, then you'll be a forever alone, 40-yr-old virgin. It's called a "self-fulfilling prophecy." Being a tarot reader, I can tell you that a lot of what occurs that has been "foretold" through a reading occurs by means of the querant's own actions and mentality. They assume that my predictions are true, and by doing so subconsiously create circumstances in which said predictions come to pass. Then they look back and see that my prediction came true after all, believing that things were out of their hands, when in reality their hands shaped the future shown on the cards. This is why I always warn people before doing readings for them, that what I reveal should be taken merely as a possibility, not a certainty. Any fortuneteller who actually knows this will tell you that the future is always in motion, and that what is revealed is only one branch of myriad possible outcomes.

Sorry, didn't mean to go on the fortunetelling rant there, but I will throw this out there as well; I met my girlfriend at a masquerade ball at my college, right after I had had a fortunetelling done. The seer, one of my friends from the anime club, told me that someone would enter my life shorty and proceed to become a very important factor in my life to come. This is why when Kyuu-chan and I began hanging out more often, and I realized that I liked her, I was convinced that she was the person that my seer friend mentioned. This gave me confidence that she was the right one for me, which was saying something since I had had a nasty breakup a few months prior and was still in a major depression over it, before this reading I was certain that any chance of finding romance had forsaken me. It still took me forever to work up the courage to ask her out, but I was so convinced about her and I being "destined" that I overcame my fear of rejection and finally spilled it. The result? She liked me too and had realized about 2 weeks prior that I liked her, and was waiting for me to ask her out. Now I'm in a close and emotionally significant relationship with this girl, and I couldn't be happier.

The point is, your future is what you make it. If you want a relationship, then you need to stop moping about not having one and get out there! Seek and ye shall find, but don't go jumping at shadows either. If there's a girl in your life whom you consider a friend, try spending more time with her and getting to know her better. Who knows? She may be harboring a crush but waiting for you to break the ice, just like Kyuuchan did with me. The overall point is to stay positive, and remember you're still young. I happened to have found my soulmate (or at least it seems to me) at the age you are now, but it isn't always that soon. Just don't give up hope, whatever you do, because that's what will really drive people away. If you don't want to be alone, stop thinking you ARE alone, because in reality you're not.

I actually have joined the anime club at the university I don't go to yet lol. Unfortunately the only two girls in the club that are single have specifically told me they don't like me. That being said, I'm still happy for their friendship.

I am happy for you and Kyuu-chan. What you said I beleive, with the whole, if you think this will happen, it will. But thank you, I needed that, i feel happier now.

Also there's a game store (like D&D) that I hang out at all the time.

Well, the best thing about clubs like that is that people graduate in the summer and leave, then in the fall you get freshmeat - err, freshmen. XD. Both Kyuuchan and my Evil Ex (+1 internet if you catch the reference) were members, my ex ended up dropping out shortly before our nasty breakup, this was the summer of 2011 and Kyuuchan joined us as a freshman in the fall. Another thing too is, how well-known is your club? We didn't really have that many people until Andrew took over as club president, he's been doing a lot of fund-raising and recruitment activities to try to get us out there, since right now it's one of those clubs "what can't be found 'cept for those who know where 'tis." (Another +1 internet for that shout out if you guess it.)

But like I said, don't worry too much about it, these things happen. You will come across potential relationships in the course of your life, but it's up to you to recognize these and take the initiative to break the ice. It's ten times harder for us Aspies but not impossible. Just look at me.

Oh, I bet you didn't know I was a seer, did you? Actually I'm kind of a novice, when I told my girlfriend the story about my fortunetelling she revealed to me that she was one as well. This, plus my interest in the Persona games which have a lot of references to the tarot, led me to become her apprentice. I'd offer to do one for you, but my rule is I only do readings in-person. I'm not sure where you live but if you're ever in the Laramie area let me know and we can meet up and I'll do one for you. Or, if you're going to Nan Desu Kan (anime convention in Denver) both Kyuu-chan and I will be there, and we'll most likely have our cards with us, so feel free to ask.

Last edited by Roxas_XIII on 18 Jul 2012, 1:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

First one, I know is Scott Pilgrim, second, I think Pirates of the Carribean.

Ctrl-A is very well known from what I hear actually.

Well, I am happy that you found someone, you remind me of me, so it gives me hope.

2/2. Nice!

I wouldn't give up yet. You're 20. I am 38 and never had a girlfriend and while I have given up on the idea of actively seeking someone, I wouldn't turn it down if it fell in my lap.