selladore wrote:
I've heard that people with Asperger's never cheat, and are practically incapable of cheating on their partner. is this true? have any of you ever cheated, or had an opportunity to but passed?
It is false. Perhaps the biggest stain on my past is the fact that I have both cheated AND been cheated on. The cheating on my part was the most monumental mistake I ever made in my life, and I learned a lot from it.
The following is my story of cheating ( I apologize, it is a bit lengthy):
It happened during Junior year of high school. Over the summer, I got into a relationship with an extremely shy girl. She was probably the single gentlest person I had ever met. She and I dated for about a week. Back then, during that time, I found her shyness and just overall general demeanor gradually making me feel impatient (she was someone of very few words, something that bothered me over time). Instead of doing the rational thing and just breaking up with her in person, I delayed it. In steps a girl I would later find out was a huge slut with a fantastic body that gave me the most romantic attention I had ever gotten from anyone at that point and time. Out of my own insecurity and rush, I ended up having a fling with this flirtatious girl behind the shy girl's back. I did it about two more times after that the following week. But it was then I started to feel really awful about my actions, so I decided to clear my name the only way you can in such a situation: call the shy girl AND her friends up and confess that I had cheated...........
Boy, I had never been so grilled in my entire life for my actions. The shy girl's friends turned on me like a pack of rabid wolves, and did everything in their power to make me feel repulsive via text messages, and even a couple of facebook doodles labeling me as a giant prick. Because the shy girl and I rarely got to see each other in person, I decided to give her a chance to chew me out verbally, so I called her. It was this conversation that hurt me the most, and was make biggest wake-up call to who I really was as a person. When I explained what I did from start to finish, I heard nothing but her wailing into her pillow for several minutes. I started to cry too, because I'd never heard a girl crying so hard, and the thoughts going through my mind was: "Wow. I am the biggest as*hole in the world. She's crying BECAUSE of me. This is never who I wanted to be. This is never who I wanted to become." After she got done crying enough to speak, she said she didn't believe she ever wanted to date again. I was speechless. I wanted to say something, but I did not have the right to speak. My own words felt empty. To this day, I still pray that she was eventually able to get over this horrific incident and try dating again.
Feeling that everyone apart from my family detested me, I ended up getting in a relationship with this flirtatious girl that I got to by stepping on someone because I believed that she was the only one who would truly love or care about me. We dated for a month, but during that time, I had another wake-up call. This girl was INSANE. She wrote many depressed letters in a journal that she ultimately gave to me as a birthday present during this time (a lot of them saying how she missed me so much that she'd cut her self with a makeshift knife; one of them that she'd used actually being TAPED to a page within the journal). Her sex drive was so beyond normal that she had not the slightest care in the world when and/or WHERE we did it; I never even enjoyed myself during sex because of it. I was a giant ball of nerves dating her because I thought for sure that her naturally forceful way of getting me to do things was going to get me into heap-loads of trouble. Well, I was saved from this nightmare when one night, I ended up finding out via an e-mail from some random guy that was a friend of hers stating that she was cheating on me at dances (she was grinding on tons of other guys), and that she was now in a relationship with some other guy. I was extremely bitter about this initially (going so far as to chew her out via phone calls to tell her I found out), but I ended up dealing with it much more quickly than when I cheated on the shy girl. So, in a way, Karma made my sins come full circle, but I was happy because I was finally free. In months to come, people had heard about my mishap and had my back despite me having an uglier story before it.
In a way, this slut that cheated on me made me much mature, and I had a far better understanding of not just being cheated on, but also what it was like to cheat. The emotions I felt helped me question out in rage how other men (and in other cases women) can cheat without feeling the slightest bit of guilt (I was overwhelmed with it to the point I confessed to the one I was hurting). And as for being cheated on, I learned that it was far easier to break away from a cheater, than to deal with the sin of having cheated. But my own actions through this turbulent period redeemed me, and I was able to live MUCH more confidently.
I'm disappointed that the slut I dated was my most recent relationship (recent being 3 years ago), and have not had another since. I'm at a point where I'd want to date again, but not sure that other people are up for a relationship within my age range.
To summarize this long post, my story definitely proves that even if someone has AS, they can still make bad choices. But I am also case that demonstrates that people (disorder or not) can learn from it.
23 Jul 2012, 6:36 pm
