So I watched that dating and flirting video...

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No offense to anyone who got anything out of that. I didn't like it. Which doesn't mean it was a bad representation of the subject or a bad video.

I don't like the fact that I should look at someone in the eye for a CERTAIN time frame, then promptly look away. I don't give a G-ddang CRAP about small talk. I couldn't do it without a disgusted look if it could save my life. I don't understand how I have to behave in certain ways, like saying very particular things at precise times, and making stupid postures to reflect what I think.

I guess the point is: I don't give a crap about this stuff. I can be lonely if it means not being superficial. Why can't everyone just be real? I'm sick of saying, "great! How are you?" on rainy ass days as a formality... and the "flirting" equivelants.... whatever they are.

What you don't see in the video is the gun that the guy's pointing at the girl below his waist.

Good video for turning us all into robots who want robot girlfriends, but I can get a robot girlfriend anytime I want without even saying anything, even if it is slightly more expensive than getting a "real" girlfriend. Plus I get to name it.

The point is that there is a certain non-verbal give and take that you need to understand in order to be able to tell if the other person has any interest in you. The thing about small talk is how it works on the female brain. Women get a certain rush of endorphins from talking. If you can trigger that response then you can trigger interest. The simplified example given is to showcase the basic framework of social interaction needed in order to get the desired attraction response from the other party. The basic inability to understand these things intuitively is why male aspies have a difficult time getting romantically involved. Please don't think I am trying to come off as some sort of an expert either as I probably suck worse at getting a date than most of the other people on this site. I just happen to get the principles involved in what was being demonstrated even though I cannot put them into use myself.

(Thread moved from Autism discussion to L&D)

I understand that it can be helpful, if only to get the ball rolling. But for me, doing all that stuff would seem fake, so fake that I would probably end up feeling more depressed and weird at the fact that the person I just talked to wasn't having a conversation with me, but with techniques.

I do see how it can be beneficial, but only so long as you perfect the techniques to such an extent that you are doing them as if they were second nature, which seems like a tall-order to say the least. I just feel like no matter how much you practice, the girl would be able to smell all of the hours of practice of these techniques you put in in-front of your mirror every night for the past month.

For me, it's far better to say what you want and get rejected than act a part and get a couple of dates where you're rushing off to the bathroom every 10 minutes to read from pre-prepared cue-cards because you've somehow managed to bag a date pretending to be somebody else, but now realize that you've punched way above your weight and struggle to maintain that level of performance until she awkwardly breaks it off, preferably in a text/phone call. That's not to say it won't work for others, of course.

What video are you talking about? o_o

http://www.wrongplanet.net/article434.html

If this is who you are, than you might not be very happy with a person who does value these things. I don't know if this helps you or not, but when I met my husband, we skipped the small talk and almost immediately started discussing photography. It turned out that we had a mutual interest, so the next time he knew he was going to see me, he brought some of his photos to show me. Real discussion, real interest. It took him a long time to actually ask me out on a date, but by the time he did I was pretty much in love with him (for who he IS not how he acted) so I think that made it easier on him.

Wow I couldn't ask someone straight up for their number or whatever xD I have done in the past, but someone actually did it for me in a bar and the girl was a b*tch anyway, but that's another story.

I think I've had my eye on many girls in the past, but I just don't know how to approach them, and the video just seemed way too forward. I would just prefer to get their number or even better their Facebook, and chat on there before asking them to meet up for a date. I dunno, maybe that's where I go wrong? I just don't think that would ever suit me to ask someone outright and nose over at what they're doing.

Part of not making much eye contact is you do not learn much body language because you never look. A couple years ago I started forcing my self to look, and my reading body language and social Q's started slowly improving. much of my problem with eye contact is I don't know when to break it off, and I still have a hard time wanting to look. but I am getting better and learning. mostly If I look and they look back and smile then I feel safe to continue (while also feeling safe enough to shyly break it off if I want, which is cute to them, or so it seems), otherwise its vary uncomfortable for me. that is unless its with another male and a sense of aggression is detected, then I get into a silent pissing match at times with locked eyes.

Would it be strange that I was asked for my number once on the spot?

Wasn't sure if it was to mock me or what...but I never heard from them again.

Thats why people ask you for your number so fast at times, so they wont lose the chance to try and say hello again to get to know you. but when that happens, if you like the person but are still unsure, ask for theirs instead. just remember, most everyone has caller ID now days, as well as caller blocking.

Good to see im not the only one that found it weird.

I guess, but I suck at phones as I rarely use them and refuse to answer a number I don't recognise...as I've had people pestering me with ads and deals that they scare me into answering anything from a stranger ever again.

Imagine Mr. Spock engaging in small talk just to get into a female's knickers. It'd never happen. He'd rather spend nights studying the limits of worm holes or calculating the dimensions of the multiverse.

You disagree with small talk and certain "expectations" of dating.

Thats ok but you have to understand that wether you like it or not its what most people do.

Lets face it I suck at small talk and whatnot but if a girl came to me and said that she found me attractive/whatever without any previous contact Id be quite wary of her intentions, and this is what happens to most people I think. Wether thats just the way society has programmed us to be or this is just an instinct response is irrelevant, thats the way most people react right now.


There are some members here that have issues with small talk and found partners their own way so it doesnt necessarily mean that you are doomed but its going to make things harder.