friends then lovers then he shut down completely

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He's learned that he can easily get away with it and now he'll move over to a naïve new "girlfriend".

lol. lonermutant, you're so discouraging. he was here yesterday and he's coming over this weekend and we're doing quite well for right now.

still going well. we had a sleepover last nite and he helped me with a huge gardening project yesterday and today. i was on my way to a singles event i planned long before we started seeing each other again and he said "consider yourself disqualified."
and i asked "from what?" he said, "from the singles event." when i asked him if he was insinuating that we were "together" and i wasn't single anymore, he could only reply, "maybe." LOL. then he said something akin to 'i only said that to torment you."

(edited for typos)

Last edited by LoveHim on 05 Aug 2012, 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

And you still wan to be in a relationship wih this loser?

Just a reminder that we are trying to help each other as a support group.

I understand that some of the times it can be hard to avoid saying something about a member´s choice but there are ways of showing that they may be making a mistake without having to resort to personal attacks on their choice.

hmm..why does this guy sound like the guy I am about to dump??

@eve- tell me more about the guy you want to dump?

wow. I wouldn't want to 'thread jack'. Plus, it is a heart wrenching decision. He sent me here to learn more and I came in opened minded. But over all...things aren't adding up

If there is something you wish to know specifically, you can send me a private message.

So you've decided he needs love and attention and sex .... what is this ... pity?

Not really a very respectful way to approach a relationship ... you may care for him but you don't have much respect for him ... and that's a big part of really loving somebody.

Yes, he's a bit of a loser, but you know, that doesn't give you the right to override the boundaries he's been entirely up front with you about. It's clear he doesn't want to be available as much as you'd like, and doesn't believe in possessive commitment, why are you trying to force him into that sort of situation against his will, being angry with him for having those boundaries? Again - lack of respect for his decisions, you don't really care about his decisions, you want to change them to what you want them to be. He seems to be available conditionally, if you can't accept the conditions then you should leave him be, or go back to what did work - a platonic friendship. If that can even work at this point.

Lot of it seems to center around him saying "I love you" and then you assuming this means he wants a committed relationship and should be calling you often. Or maybe you assume that no matter what boundaries he states beforehand, if you have sex, he is obligated to you somehow, like it's some kind of barter and he assumes a debt to you afterwards (further suggested by the way you seem to look at it as some sort of favour you're doing him out of pity - you think he owes you, don't you?).

Love comes in many different forms. It sounds to me, from the "Sunday bike rides and park outings" you had when you were just platonic roommates way back when, that he loved you before he ever thought about being intimate with you, in his own way. Doesn't mean he wanted your pity or to be obligated to you somehow. Maybe he was only ever sexual with you because he didn't see it as terribly different from the Sunday bike rides; perhaps he didn't realize he was going to be indebted to you, and was meant to show his gratitude for your magnanimity by becoming your property.

I think you don't respect him, you think he should do what you want just because he's alone, and you're basically bullying him into a relationship.

Who's using who here? I do wonder ...

Sorry to be blunt, just the way I see it.