Why I don't have a GF (and what can I do?)

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I'm a quarter century old. My biggest problem is my social awkwardness; which has been a MAJOR impediment in my life (related to my Aspies), and why I have not had a GF.

Onward....
I ask a girl on a date, no matter where she lives, and she sees me like I am either Charlie Sheen, Casey Anthony, Jerry Sandusky, or all three (which I am neither of). Also not helping things is the impression that girls aren't friend-zoning me, they are putting bounties on my head. (Not trying to be funny, it's my personal convictions speaking.)

What I'd like:
To have a GF that understands me, nothing more. There's a few other things, but that's another story for another post.

Simply put, I am not having much luck with girls because of the social awkwardness and the aforementioned being-compared-to-maniacs. I feel sad, and I fear that time is running out for me. I could use help in this.

Everyone's told me not to think about it, to not act desperate and to not go after love. In essence, I have found being relaxed and yourself is the best medicine, but your mileage may vary. And I know this, I've had three flames (two girlfriends) and I'm 21. None of my relationships have lasted three months.

Last edited by Northeastern292 on 13 Aug 2012, 11:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just browsing around the net, and WP in particular, a moderate amount of people seem to have found success in online relationships. Maybe that's something to consider, I'm not sure. If you force these things in real life, chances are you may come off as awkward and scare potential GF's away. These things are better taken at their own pace I would imagine, but I know nothing about relationships, soooooo.

i am 22 turning 23 this yr and still have nvr had a gf. I am going to join an aspie group, an hopefully there are some cute girls. Hopefully I get along ith em

Ah. You have a sense of humor. This is a wonderful and sometimes very valuable trait in an Aspie.

From a feminine perspective, I must say: at least you're being compared to some maniacs many women consider good-looking, sexy and so on. Perhaps they are telling you they think you're attractive and sexy, rather than implying that you're a maniac. Did this strange possibility ever occur to you?

I would tell you to find a large burlap sack and some duct tape, but many girls and women would object to this approach.

The best advice I can give is the advice I follow: be yourself. Do the things you enjoy doing in the places you feel most at ease.
Quit thinking about "getting a GF" and one will magically appear. One who accepts and likes (even loves) you exactly as you are. This is when the most important people have appeared in my life: when I decided to quit looking for someone.

if they saw you as charlie sheen theyd just go for the hookers and blow




joke aside. I wont spoon feed you BS like the others. If you keep looking you will have the same odds as before. If you "stop caring" and proceed to better yourself one will not magically fall out of the sky for you. Theres not a specific thing an average person has that can bring him from bottom. But many have one above average thing that can. Find yours, you may have a chance. For some its wealth, others good looks, some are simply good with their words, theres a million things to specialize in. Until you have something worth showing dont expect things to turn for the better magically. Im not saying it cant happen, but simply that its unlikely for a pattern to break by itself.

And you know what the kicker is? Even if you manage to find and develop something, theres still a possibility of nothing bettering itself. Aint life grand? All that work, commitment, etc just going to waste. For some things just arent meant to be. For there to be an average we must have highs and lows. Some of us are meant for lows. Why? Be it to be an example of "what not to be", some sick universal joke (or insert X faith based statement of similarity) or just an example of supply and demand in a darwinian sense. Reasons aside all im saying is that unless you can think of solutions then where you sit on the totem pole is up to luck/chance. Wether you will let that guide your life is your choice.

Sorry if this isnt what you wanted to hear, or if its too gloomy for your taste. Its just the rambling of a man older than his looks and even older than his years, learning to accept his spot in this world.

So you want to date a woman?

Why don't you try this:

1) meet women and be their friend. This helps you to feel more comfortable in their company, and perhaps helps you to understand more about things they like and dislike.

2) when you have female friends (or at least one), tell them about your wish to date a woman. Ask them if they could help you.

This has worked for me. In fact one of my female friends is now my wife

Bingo! It's rare that my opinion fits with everyone's, but in this case everyone gave you good advice and you listened: be yourself and relaxed. I haven't a clue about the reason(s) your relationships didn't last for three months, other than the fact you described them as "flames". Flames are like meteorites -- they appear, are briefly astonishing and then burn out.

Your mind and heart are connected. This is how it works! Without friendship, there is no basis for anything romantic or lasting. When we know one another, honestly like and respect one another, this creates what's nearest to a perfect ecosystem for the most powerful bond, where love can grow and remain strong. To marry someone who isn't a true friend seems to me a tragic mistake people make far too often..it is one that you have wisely avoided making.

This is the best advice because desperation = for beta males. Not saying that i'm some kind of high tier alpha male or anything. Us aspies tend to be awkward and say really stupid s**t when we are around cute females. The best thing to do (opinion) is just be quiet and keep to yourself and only speak when we need too. this will probably make them see us as "mysterious" and females seem to like this. its happened to me more than once. i don't really have to act because i'm like this naturally but i now realize that when i am obsessively talking about my "nerdy" interests isnt going to attract females. To be completely honest i just have too much pride to be desperate and i would rather come off as an emotionless antisocial prick than some beta male trying to "get laid" or some s**t but that is my opinion

Relationship one: Wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship or not, later went with a younger guy from back home
Relationship two: [My best friend's younger sister]: didn't work out because her parent's were uncomfortable with the arrangement, and I was getting the same way. Needless to say I now have two best friends.
Relationship three: Her younger sister hated my guts, I said one or two things that led to snowball effects, and I didn't get the picture that she didn't want to spend a whole lot of time together.

I'll add that I tend to be uptight sometimes.

Thanks.. but my other problem is that as I get older, I am getting more desperate (kinda like the Desperate Housewives)- and no one where I am wants me, so I have decided to find someone in LA.

From last year May until the start of this year, I was very desperate for a boyfriend. I bumped into this aspie guy at the gym who wasn't that attractive for me and he was older, but I was so desperate I was seeing him for months only to find out on December 30 that he already had a boyfriend.

I felt very betrayed and sad and thought I'd never ever get a boyfriend. So I decided to do something crazy - I was going out on New Year's Eve, all by myself. It wasn't actually as scary as I thought, and after quite a lot of drinks I talked to some people and danced, which probably looked very silly, but most people apparently don't care.

A few weeks later at the same club, I met a guy whom I thought was very attractive and special, I thought I was in love. But the problem was, I wanted a boyfriend. the guy was attractive and cute, but it took me nearly 6 months to figure out I wasn't in love with him as much as I thought.

The reason I found this out was because I met another guy online and met up with him. After the initial meeting up nothing happened, but he insisted on seeing me again. It was somewhere there that I got feelings for him, this felt different than with the other guys. I didn't look for love here, but found it. He's now my boyfriend since almost a month, my first real relationship, and I'm 26.

Like stated above, it's important not to be desperate for love. And don't settle with someone just for the sake of having a partner, this might make you unhappier in the long run.

I def think that it is different for girls than for boys.

Since boys are expected to make the first move, it's not as easy for us to "not look and have it fall in" than for girls.

My advice, do you have any male or female friends? If you have male friends see if they can help you meet people (girls usually go out in packs and it's easier to approach if the numbers are equal) if you have female friends, see if they can help you identify what's making girls compare you to a pedo and a sex manianic.

Or just go after girls with really sh***y self esteem.

But I like to have standards.

Apologizes for jumping in but this is my main problem right here. I'm a solitary male and almost all women are usually in groups of three or more so it's almost impossible for someone like me to approach. I HAVE tried going out with my social butterfly brother and girls do communicate but they usually flock to him and him alone.

I've also talked to so many female coworkers and everyone has assured me these women must be crazy because I don't not give off a creep vibe at all: in fact I am the opposite. I give off a 'mature' vibe and are usually shocked to find I'm under 30 because I don't act like it. Apparently however most single women 30 and under don't want that and the ones over 30 are like employers: most won't even look at you if you don't have 2 years experience and there's no way I can hide or fake that experience.



The Bad Boys have already had a field day with them. The few that are interested in me have such nasty attitudes it's better to remain single forever. I am NOT a backup plan for some emotionally burned woman!

I should also try meet ups in Seattle and/or Los Angeles....... I am wanting to leave the Seattle are for good, not because I don't like it, but I want to go somewhere where nobody knows my name. Maybe I'll have better luck down there.