musicforanna
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Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 798
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
22 Aug 2012, 1:26 pm
Quote:
I believe that sexual relationships, once they begin, are usually so intoxicating that none of us can be expected to think clearly, so we need to work out what kind of partner we want before it gets to that stage. If you want "beautiful" high on the list, fine. But don't forget that you're appying a restriction there, reducing the size of your selection pool. You will find other important parameters that are also somewhat rare, especially as your experience with relationships grows and you see what makes the difference between success and failure. By the time you're done, unless you're pretty damned good at relationships, you'll be wishing you weren't so picky because there won't be many people left who fit the marrow bill. So please make sure that all those criteria for rejection are worth the pool reduction......I never yet heard of a relationship going wrong because of one of the partners not being handsome or pretty enough. Relationships go wrong because of communication problems, immature or abusive behaviour, and similar behavioural and emotional factors.
Quote:
I was surprised how much better looking she became, in my eyes, once I'd acquired a bit of respect for her.
Quote:
It can be quite surprising to discover how many of what one sees as one's own preferences are in fact illusions imposed by society.
This one knows what he's talking about. Quote:
What I'm saying is that we don't have to be that tunnel-visioned about it, or to be in its yoke. Relationships are serious matters which draw on millions of human characteristics. If I had the luxury of a choice between a sexual firecracker and the proverbial girl-next-door, I'd be more hopeful about the latter, because she would seem immediately more "real" to me somehow. Chances are that a complete sexpot has learned to get their own way by the use of their high sexual capital, because it works, at least materially, and so they're less likely to know how to cope in life as an ordinary mortal who can't get favourable treatment by simply looking and acting "cool." That may translate into a partner who came over as a narcissistic liability, and when you've got to live with somebody, raise children with them, etc., sooner or later it's not going to be enough that they are pretty. You get used to that, just as you get used to a scary face once you realise the person behind it has become dear to you by way of their behaviour towards you. I'm not saying a person can't "look attractive" and also have brains, just that the two don't always go hand in hand, and that a looker of either gender will to a palpable extent be carried through life by their visual admirers, to the detriment of other life skills.
This reminds me of a conversation a guy on IRC had with me years ago. He's this generally stoic german man, with gray hair and a smirk and a kind personality to kinda give you the gist of how he is as a person. He told me that decades ago, about how he was once dating someone his friends termed to be the "hottest girl in the world", said the sex was crazy hot and everything, but he thought something was direly missing. Then one morning he woke up and realized that he "didn't want to spend the rest of his life in bed with Stupid" (his words). He is now happily married to a more realistic nurturing woman more suited to his desire for intellect.
22 Aug 2012, 2:25 pm
22 Aug 2012, 2:30 pm
DialAForAwesome
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Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing
22 Aug 2012, 8:56 pm
22 Aug 2012, 9:18 pm
22 Aug 2012, 10:11 pm
stroking our own ego again are we. lol
OP, back to talking about your discussion - it is rather common for pairing to happen based on "leagues" of attraction. The best tend to only pick the best, and sometimes it is not due to their own wishes but out of pressure from others. "He/she can do so much better", "what they doin' with that bozo?" - those spring to mind at all? There's also the case of a great looking person with low self esteem taking someone "below them".
When most people age, though, they get a lot less picky so to speak. And the ones that don't unless they are in some very fortunate circumstances end up lonely if they do not broaden their horizons.
The above concepts may be indeed shallow but we are only human, after all.
23 Aug 2012, 4:56 am
musicforanna wrote:
My uncle was laughing when he went to his high school reunion a while back (and this one was the 40th one, so it had been some time). He mused that all the geeks/nerds, and people who cared about academic success were the ones who were happily married, yet, all the jocks and vain "alpha" males who liked bar hopping who always teased him for not being able to pick up a date right away, were entering old age being single, alone, and unhappy.
I love to hear tales of "alpha males" coming last.
Those chaps have been a vexation to my spirit for too long. So it's good to know that once again it's the quiet ones who are the "worst."
23 Aug 2012, 9:35 am
Johnq wrote:
But really, like if there are 2 very obese people, how can they stand each other in an intimate way? How could they want to touch or kiss an ugly person? Maybe it's just me, I can't stand people even touching me. I understand why pretty people date, but I don't understand how uglier people can settle. Because you know if the ugly people could get the prettier people in almost all cases they would. I mean if one person is ugly, then they have either money or power usually to compensate.
The great thing about humanity is that "ugly" and "pretty" are so subjective. A person that someone might rank as a 1/10 on the scale of attractiveness may be a 10/10 and a real gem to another person. What you view as "obese" may be "beautifully curvy" or "well-padded" to another guy. The genetic diversity this brings to humanity is a good thing.
Another thing that I'd like to point out is that when you have been with someone a long time, you look at them and you see not only their immediate physical self, but all the memories you have of them. You remember the good times you enjoyed together and the bad times that you both weathered through. You remember the kindness they've showed you and the little things you share that prove they really know you and you know them. So you don't just see the beauty of them, but the beauty of the bond you share with them. Also, as you age, physical attractiveness becomes less important and other factors like the ability to emotionally bond and share a life with someone take greater significance.
Of course, this is life, so YMMV.
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
23 Aug 2012, 11:31 am
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