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Davuardo
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09 Sep 2012, 7:33 am

I've liked this girl for a few months now, but have really struggled to talk to her (which is typical of me, have struggled to talk to crushes all my life)

However, over the few months, rather than those feelings going away (as they usually do) they have just gotten stronger. So I started making an active point to talk to her. It's small steps at this stage, but I'm making progress which is nice.

However, I learned last week that the university she is going to next year (we are both in our last year of high school/college) is at the opposite end of the country to the one I am going to. I really want to do Economics as a career, and it would be professional suicide for me to go to that same university, which have a fledgling Economics department, rather than the one I am going to, for which I have a scholarship etc.

I am wondering whether to continue chasing her or reluctantly force myself to move on, as I am not even sure if she would be interested in me, and whether the relationship would last. We are now entering the busy exam end of the year, and even if I were to up the ante and ask her out, we would have very little quality time together due to studying for exams and then would move to opposite end of the countries, and I think she would lose interest in a long distance relationship after such a short time spent together.

Given the limited time I get to spend with her (1 class a day) and how she is impossible to find at lunch break (+ her friend group is incredibly intimidating) even if I were to up the ante it would take a long time for me to reach a stage where I could ask her out, as I don't get invited to parties or anything like that.

What should I do? If I do ask her out and she says yes, do I then follow her down to the opposite end of the country and sacrifice my career in Economics (which, without meaning to sound snobby, I easily have the skills to earn 6 or 7 figures with in the future) or do I take the route which I think will guarantee failure, a long distance relationship? (I also feel more guilty for her than sad for myself if the latter were to happen, even though we both get left alone). Or do I abandon my pursuit of her altogether, and hope to find someone else in the future? I just don't want to follow her down, and then we break up and I'm left with nothing.

In short, do I follow her down, attempt a long-distance relationship (provided she says yes to me in the first place) or do I abandon the whole idea and start moving on?

Thanks in advance for your help :)


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PastFixations
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09 Sep 2012, 7:50 am

Personally, I'd focus on earning a living. So in your position, I'd stick to the Economics.
Chasing her wouldn't be doing you any favours...
You'd be throwing away a real chance to chase a fantasy. Sorry to sound harsh but she's not worth the effort.


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Last edited by PastFixations on 09 Sep 2012, 7:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Stalk
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09 Sep 2012, 7:51 am

If you give up your goals for her you will always end up blaming her for not achieving your career in life. It is not fair towards her either.



b9
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09 Sep 2012, 7:58 am

i do not know what you should do. i never pursued any girl and yet i managed to attract quite a few of them. i am not sure why, but i just carried on with my business, and they seemed to want to know me, and they were always the aggressors in my life.

i guess the reason i got a few admirers was that i was not looking for them, and i was not yearning for them.

it seems like a cruel reality that those who are most desperate for "love" are those that have the least likely hood of obtaining it.

i never really had time for romantic clap trap, so i was not distracted from my activities by that. i think that sometimes girls may be attracted to someone who is fully self contained rather than someone who needs them to "complete" themselves which imposes a responsibility on the girl to contribute to the quality of life of a desperate person. i have no idea really but no one else has answered yet and i kind of feel sad that your post has been rea by 12 people and ignored (at this moment).

i just think you should stoke up your engine and forge toward your goals (if your goal is only "love" then i can not say anything about that), but if your goals are oriented toward security of finance and security of intellectual satisfaction(self obtained in my case), then as long as you are a fundamentally nice person, you will have a "magnetic" field which will attract more girls.

do not place her on a pedestal and pray to her for her. you are just as important as the one you love, and to roll over and bare one's neck to the savagery of the wild is a weakness that may not yield happiness.

i am among the least able persons to give you good advice, but i say just aim at your future goals and allow people to ride on your boat who want to go with you.

for me, people have to board my ship to go with me, i can not relinquish the wheel of my ship and abandon it to board another ship driven not by me.



anneurysm
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09 Sep 2012, 10:21 pm

How well do you know this girl and her social circle/friends? If you don't know either well, it's always the best case scenario if you become her friend before you even start thinking about dating. If you ask her out before she feels close and emotionally comfortable with you, she will say no, so try to develop a friendship with her first before you think about this.

Start having conversations with her at lunch time or during times when both of you have a break, and get to know her friends, too. Who knows, maybe you'll be invited to a few events they are hosting if this goes well. If she doesn't seem interested in hanging out with you, don't take it personally, she's just not a good match.

At any rate, I don't think your university choice should revolve around her, as if you went to her university, there's a chance she may notice this and think it's creepy. I'd say go with the program you gained a scholarship to.


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This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


Davuardo
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10 Sep 2012, 1:15 am

Hmm thanks a lot guys, this has cleared it up nicely :) I suppose there was only going to be one answer :P It does make sense


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Apparently it's ethically incorrect to possess people...


Surfman
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10 Sep 2012, 6:44 am

“It is one thing to write as poet and another to write as a historian: the poet can recount or sing about things not as they were, but as they should have been, and the historian must write about them not as they should have been, but as they were, without adding or subtracting anything from the truth.”