Friends Exes...Off Limits?

Post Reply New Topic

wouldn't the odds of taking out a friend's ex have been better if it were a smaller class? Bigger class means more people to choose from.

She said Melanie and the guy had a brief emotionally uninvolved relationship, so I'm guessing it was just a fling of some sort. If it was as emotionally uninvolved as she says it was Melanie should have no problem with it at all. If she gets hurt seeing them together then maybe Melanie wasn't as uninvolved as she thinks she was. Is Melanie still friends with the guy? Are they on speaking terms? If there's any ill feelings between the two I'd stay clear of him out of loyalty towards Melanie.

Any reason why they only had a fling and didn't have a "proper" relationship? Does this guy have flings often? If yes then I"d be hesitant asking him out because you might only become another conquest, much like Melanie. Unless you're after a fling as well.

I don't see any reason why Melanie would object if you ask her, though she might be ambivalent due to opinions about him and his suitability for you.

I don't mean 63 people in your classroom. I mean a total of 63 people in the entire school district who were born between September 1, 1953 and August 31, 1954. The school district covered roughly half the county.

To put it in perspective if you are from the British Isles, imagine a total of 63 people your age in an area more than the twice the size of the Isle of Man.

Of course, if you took out a girl in the next class, there were about 15 to choose from.

I finally managed to ask "Melanie" if she would be okay with me asking him out, and she's okay with it, but another can of worms opened up in the situation, and I should probably make a different post for it. Anyway, she said she would be alright with it, but she also said, "I'm glad you came to me first, because if you hadn't I probably would have punched you in the face!" Glad I made the decision I did!

Well, it sounds like you did well with your friend "Melanie". I know from the guy point of view, my guy friends might not like it so much if I dated one of their ex-gf's or anyone they had a fling with in the past.

Why? I mean, if it was just a fling neither party would care about the other anymore (unless they're still friends). They're just declaring their former fling off-limits because they feel possessive of them? That's the only reason I can think of, and it makes no sense.

My personal preference, I don't want to hook up with someone that I know has hooked up with a friend of mine. Secondly, noone said anything had to make sense and sometimes a person's emotions about someone or something will not make sense. This is something we have to deal with.

I have never being in that position, I mean, dating the ex of a friend (mostly because I have so little friends), but I understand there are three main reasons for that:
1) Betrayal: It does not matter who ended up the relationship, usually people always keeps some unsolved feelings for their exes, so they feel betrayed if their friend starts a relationship with their ex, because somewhere inside they always hoped they would be together again (just like in the movies).
2) Cannot express feelings: Women usually trash the new girlfriend. And they do that with her friends. If her friend is the new girl, she cannot trash her. They usually trash their exes, too. And they do that with her friends. As you are his girlfriend, she cannot trash his ex with you. It is just a very awkward situation and affects the communication between friends.
3) Information: People usually tell their partners (boyfriend/girlfriends) things they do not tell anybody else. Not even their friends. Because the level of intimacy is different with a partner. So if your friend starts hanging up with your ex, he might end up telling her things you didn't want her to know. Or your friend will tell him things you did not want him to know (things you told her AFTER you broke up, for example).

This sums things up perfectly. Especially the information part. For me, who knows what information she will share with others and how it will effect our friendships with eachother.