My wish

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I wish I could date a girl who liked me for who I am and I liked her for who she is. But I'm so afraid that I'll start liking her for who she isn't. I want a girl to share my interests, but I don't know how that could be possible. I honestly wish I could sweep a girl off her feet, but that seems so unrealistic. I have degrees, but I have no job and little money and it has been this way for a long time and I don't think I should have sex with a girl unless I can support her and a child. But I still want it so bad that sometimes it hurts not to have it because I feel unwanted, but I'm also a virgin and I have no idea what it feels like. But I think I shouldn't be worrying about girls when I have no friends in person. But making friends in person is scary because I can never do it right or they scare me unintentionally. Then it feels like my own fault like I'm not making friends. But maybe it's better to have one loyal person than many friends. But then again it could be good to have both. I wish I could be hugged and kissed by a girl because I never have been. But I want to do it while I'm in love. Sometimes it feels like I think about love too much and I wish sometimes that I could just skip love forever, and that I could cut it off down there so I stop thinking about sex too. But I still don't know how to make just friends. And sometimes I wonder if being alone is the best option for me. But thinking that always makes me hurt inside. I think I say it only because I can't have friends or a girlfriend. I'm scared that somebody will hurt me if they're my friend or if I date them. I have a hard time trusting, yet at the same time, it seems like I have an easy time trusting. It doesn't make sense to me either. All I've had are a couple of online relationships where we just send text and pictures. But the last girl I had one with just ignored me for a long time. Or maybe she didn't and I'm being unreasonable. It feels easier for my world to just end than figure everything out. Every time I think of all the girls that I liked for over a month, it hurts. I miss things that I've never even had. I'm in my mid-20s and it feels like my time is up to start any real relationship or friendship. And even if I had the choice, I think I'd still be too scared to have one. But I don't know. I'm not sure exactly what I want any more. Sometimes it seems that people want others in a similar situation to think about what they want out of life and to come back, but I've thought to myself for a long, long time and I don't even know any more. I wish I knew, but it feels easier to give up than figure out what I want/need 50 years from now. I mean... I don't want to have so many requirements.. I feel superficial for not wanting to date a girl because of her looks and I feel guilty for it, but it's not like a girl has come up to me and told me that they were interested, but maybe it's best for them. I feel so lost and wish somebody could help me find my way with love, friendships, etc.. But then I'll just be afraid that they're taking advantage of my vulnerability, but I don't want people to stay far away from because of it. But am I really vulnerable? See... the questions keep going on and on and it's frustrating and I wish I could just love an interesting, beautiful girl and fall in love forever.. but there's so many things that I don't understand.. and there's so many things that I'm afraid of.. and there's so many things that probably turn women off.. and there's so many things that I feel guilty for even if they're morally wrong or not.. that I'll probably end up alone forever and if so I guess it's my fault that I never learned the right way to do anything. I wish I knew.. Is there anything in this world that I might ever be able to do right with any socialization like love?

I applaud you for your honesty about how you feel. I can definitely relate to how you feel though I'm a few years younger than you.

I'm really not good at giving advice, but I do know you've come to the right place to share your feelings.

Best of luck to you.

OP, I hear ya, and I empathize with ya, despite my age (same as you). Welcome aboard, and while I can't give ya any good advice, best of luck to ya.

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Feel free to talk to me, if you wish.

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."

I feel like I know exactly what you mean, though what exactly do you mean when you say that you are worried that you would start loving someone for something they are not?

Don't worry about not being able to sweep a girl off her feet, that sort of stuff (in metaphorical terms, not literally sweeping them off their feet) only really occurs in Hollywood movies. People will watch that because they all wish they could do that.

It's really good that you don't feel that you should have sex with a girl without being able to support her and her child, though the girl is equally responsible in the decision and is equally responsible for looking after herself. However, with that being the way you approach relationships, girls will appreciate how genuine you are, and that philosophy gives the relationships you do have a far greater chance of being long-term, as it proves that you are not only concerned about yourself in all of this.

I know what you mean about feeling like you love too much. I'm not sure what age you are, but I find that a lot of girls that I have been interested in take relationships a lot less seriously than I have, so it's really just about maturity, you want a real connection with your partner, and can't stand a relationship that you know won't last. I wouldn't say you love too much, just that others sometimes don't love enough.

That comment about trusting too much yet not enough, again I feel like you've read my mind! That is immensely confusing, and something I am no closer to "figuring out".

Don't worry about being in your mid-20's and feeling that your time is up. I had a serious crush on a girl in my year this year (my last year at school) and she is going to a different uni, so I felt the exact same, that my time was up to find a serious relationship. And I don't think that 17 is different to mid-20's in that case, most couples don't meet until older.

I wouldn't feel guilty about not dating a girl because of how she looks. Beauty is subjective to all of us and, based on the fact that we are primal animals, there is no point dating someone that we are not physically attracted to. Often subtle hints about their personality influence our decision anyway. And don't worry about the things that turn girls off. They will do things that turn us off also, but if a girl cares about you enough, she won't care

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling (it's 1 in the morning over here) so I'd better stop, I hope at least one of those comments helps

Just get a cat and STFU

at least it was poignant and funny....

time for a sex change??